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husband wanting access

(21 Posts)
America1 Thu 11-Dec-14 03:36:21

Hi I have a 3 week old baby how much access do you all feel is acceptable at this stage?
he stupidly thought he'd have our baby half the week.....hes deluded!

Thanks

bf1000 Thu 11-Dec-14 07:31:48

frequent short visits at this age. Could he take baby out for a walk/drive everyday. give you a needed break and gives him regular time with child that as gaps between feeding get bigger time can become longer.

HonestLie Thu 11-Dec-14 16:53:24

I would agree with short and frequent although accept it can be difficult, especially this time of year where going out for a wander isn't ideal.

What did you have in mind?

BobbyBingoooo Thu 11-Dec-14 19:30:28

Depends what he's like. If he's was a long term SAHD with other kids who he's looked after from the year dot then maybe...

I'm thinking he's not though.

An hour or two every other day if he's not a dick, leading up to eventual overnights in a year or two.

America1 Sun 14-Dec-14 13:09:24

Well he hasn't bothered with baby for threeweeks. So every other day wont happen. I think he wants to see our baby for a couple of hours a week. Hes such a prick.

lunar1 Sun 14-Dec-14 13:14:05

At that age an hour or so at your home if he will behave. Nothing on earth would have got my babies away from me at three weeks old.

HonestLie Sun 14-Dec-14 14:04:17

I would just go with the couple of hours a week although (and I'm only saying this from my own personal experience) I would be reluctant to set the day/time/place in stone. Personally I would advise arranging times, days and places on a week to week basis.

Starlightbright1 Mon 15-Dec-14 17:18:50

You say on the one hand he thought it would be half the wek but you only think he wants a couple of hours a week? If he only wants a couple of hours a week this should be fine

America1 Wed 17-Dec-14 09:58:44

he said he wanted baby half of the week and now has changed his mind. being manipulated by his new girlfriend who he had an affair with.

petalsandstars Wed 17-Dec-14 10:07:44

No way did my baby leave my sight bar the shower at that age. And I was living with DH. Short visit in your home if you can manage him being in your space.

Starlightbright1 Wed 17-Dec-14 10:46:42

Yes I also agree it should be in your home .Pop him in living room ..Go get yourself a bath..Make yourself something to eat. You don't have to spend time with him.

America1 Wed 17-Dec-14 22:20:23

he kicked my back door in when 8 months pregnant. have I got grounds for a contactcentre? I don't trust him or feel safe

Starlightbright1 Wed 17-Dec-14 23:44:35

yes...Problem is at a contact centre you would have to leave your baby in his care... /however there should be staff there to make sure the baby is been looked after.

The other difficulty is that Contact centre is generally seen as a stepping stone to unsupervised access.

Depending on your past I would also consider meeting him in a public place which was something I did with Ex for a while.

It may be worth a 30 free sols meeting... Did you report him kicking door is..It may open up legal aid if you did?

America1 Thu 18-Dec-14 04:41:57

its going through sols as iv started divorce. not entitled to legal aid. just dont know what to say about access as its next on agenda. public place sounds good

cestlavielife Thu 18-Dec-14 12:18:19

report the kicking door. don't let him in your house again.
meet in public place.

America1 Tue 23-Dec-14 05:46:09

So hes actually now wanting to see baby and even tho he hasnt been in tiuxh until now has applied for mediation but would like to sort it ourselves. So the mediation is clearly to unnerve me however I think this would be good. He was to take baby away from me at 4 weeks old for an hr or two 3 times a week.
can he still take me to mediation if I offer an hr twice a week but ne present? Given he kicked door in baby is not leaving my sight.

cauliflowerfairy Tue 23-Dec-14 10:22:30

America 1 - definite grounds for contact centre. I'm sorry he sounds like a prize knob. It probably is in your interests to foster a relationship between them though as how they bond now can really affect things in the future but I agree it must be done safely and preferably with as little contact between you two as possible so as to protect you from his emotional abuse.

Three weeks is very young for a child to be away from their mum for more than an hour I think..

Twinklebells Fri 26-Dec-14 10:56:10

Did you report his kicking the door down to the police - or any other similar behaviour? If he was abusive you would be entitled to legal aid wouldn't you?

America1 Sun 28-Dec-14 04:55:24

Hi,

hes a police officer and police arrived and kept him in his job!
iv since txt him offered for him to spend some time with his baby over xmas avoided it and mentioned his parents. So I now know the 'I want to take baby from you' access is so he can drop our baby off at his parents to see our baby.
I dont get why men dont want anything to do with their child?!

Starlightbright1 Sun 28-Dec-14 22:28:11

Do you know..It is so hard to understand how anyone can not love the most precious thing in your life.

Don't try and understand it .

He seems to be reducing his desire for contact by the day. Let it run...Offer it and then leave it at that.

Mediation isn't that scary. You don't have to agree to anything. It can make people more rationale with a 3rd party although it didn't my ex but his unreasonable behaviour was documented by an independent witness

America1 Sun 28-Dec-14 22:34:27

I know I shouldn't analyse his behaviour its hard not to as I wikl never get it I dont even think he probably does.

sounds interesting how do you mean an independent witness?

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