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Abusive father, threatening to go for custody. Please help?!

(9 Posts)
christmasmammy Mon 08-Dec-14 10:28:54

I'll try and explain my situation as quickly as possible. I was with my partner for over a year when I fell pregnant, he was always jealous possessive and very volatile.
When I fell pregnant his words were ' haha you can't run off now'. Then said 'i don't think so' when we discussed him doing night feeds etc. He also refused to spend his money on any baby items.
He is a very heavy drinker and was drinking until he was mortal every night, after an argument one night I went to stay at my parents to avoid further conflict (I as 7 weeks pregnant). When he returned from drinking he came to my parents house and began trying to kick the doors down to get at me, and even tried to knock my mother out the way to get into her house. I'm pretty sure he tried to hit her as well but missed. We rang the police but he had left before they arrived. When I went back the next day he had smashed my things up.
We split but I agreed to give it another go if he stopped drinking and went for anger management. He did neither. He then began sending suicide threats, saying he may as well kill himself if I wouldn't go back to him. Then began sending abusive messages calling me and my family all sorts of names. I had to move back with my parents and cut off all contact with him.
He left me alone until last week in which he posted a status on Facebook threatening me if I did not give him the child when it was born, again police were called but he said he never meant it to be a threat and just meant he was going for custody. (Police agreed it did look like a threat)
He has been warned to leave me alone and police advised i take out an injunction against him. I know he has attacked and injured his own father (and countless other people) and past girlfriends have also submitted statements about him being violent with them.
The baby is due any day and obviously there's no way I'm letting my child go to anybody like that. I've sat and cried worrying about the trouble he will cause trying to get access to the child I believe he doesn't want anyway.
I have been told my somebody that if I refuse to have him on the birth certificate he has no rights to the child. And even if he applies for PR through the courts he still cannot have access unless I agree to it.
Is this true?
I'm really worried over the safety of my baby is he gets access to it confused
Thanks in advance.

cestlavielife Mon 08-Dec-14 10:56:27

don't worry for now. your newborn baby will be with you and you just call the police if he approaches. tell your midwife and anyone who needs to know you are scared of him. you don't need to have him anywhere near you given the history. it is good you called police so there is a record.

if he goes to court to "claim" the child this will take time (weeks or months) and you will have time to seek advice.

so please focus on your baby for now and call police any time he harasses you or your family. DONT look at his facebook statuses!

in the event that a judge orders you to allow him to claim paternity, you can ask that he has supervised access only in a contact centre.

you don't have to include him on the birth certificate.
he will have to go to court if he wants to claim paternity.

however, if you wish to claim money from him to support the child then you would have to declare him as the father - so you need to consider whether you want his money or not.

Whereisegg Mon 08-Dec-14 10:58:47

I think you have lots in your favour here.
A history of violence/violent behaviour which has been reported a d taken seriously by the police for starters.
Take their advice and arrange an injunction asap.

You can register the birth without him (and please do!), and he can apply for pr through the courts.
You probably know him best, is this really something you see him doing?
Paying for a solicitor, filling out forms, attending court etc?
Is it likely just the latest thing to threaten you with?
Him getting sole residence is laughable imo.

Does he know where you live now?
Would a basic cctv set up reassure you if yes?

Don't delete ANY messages from him and report any that you perceive as even slightly threatening.

SunnyBaudelaire Mon 08-Dec-14 11:01:35

there is no way that he could remove this baby from your care.
Do what the police suggest and take out an injunction against him.
Is there some kind of liaison officer who could help you?
Once you have an injunction in place, if he comes near you he will be arrested.

SunnyBaudelaire Mon 08-Dec-14 11:04:03

and despite what anyone tell you he has no RIGHTS over this child.
The child has rights, the parents have responsibilities.

christmasmammy Mon 08-Dec-14 11:06:37

No, I do not want his money.

I'd rather he just left us alone completely, he'd only say he wasn't working so he had very little to pay anyway.
I will contact a solicitor ASAP about an injunction, how much is this likely to cost?

Thank you all for your help!
(also I cannot look at his Facebook, I blocked him but I was sent a screenshot from somebody in his friends as they realised he was being threatening)

SunnyBaudelaire Mon 08-Dec-14 11:08:41

injunctions used to be free, they just took a bit of running around for as I recall, although this may be outdated info. Contact a solicitor today.
Where I used to live, there were firms that specialised in this. Are you in London?

Quitelikely Mon 08-Dec-14 11:09:31

Do not contact this man. He is highly dangerous and I bet my life he cannot be bothered to pursue contact.

Do not have any weak moments after the birth either. He won't be a good father, he's a violent crook who should be banned from having kids until he can be a decent role model.

cestlavielife Mon 08-Dec-14 16:14:29

if a solicitor says that what you reported counts as domestic violence it might enable you to access legal aid...if not simply report everything to police and get a sort -of injunction (warning) that way.

I think you are better off doing nothing sitting tight and simply reporting to 101 any time he tries to contact you or your family.

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