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Feeling down

(16 Posts)
triathlonmum Mon 01-Dec-14 20:25:08

I've been a single parent since early this year....so this will be my first Xmas single. Not that I miss STBXH...he wasn't much company anyway. But suddenly seem to be surrounded by loads of happy families, Xmas decs etc. I feel the weight of expectation from the children....and I just feel so miserable I'm not sure I can live up to it.

I have dabbled with Internet dating but haven't met anyone more than twice - last week thought I'd met someone really nice but he turned out not to be....

How do I make myself feel better about being single and shut out the seasonal focus on the perfect family??

Sorry, don't know any other single parents in real life, just be good to chat to others in similar situations.

Blakey3166 Mon 01-Dec-14 21:46:33

Triatlonmum,
Feeling exactly same here and struggling with the shorter days too.
I have been single 15 months, but it's my first true DIY Xmas.
Last Xmas the ex and I an kids went to friends for Xmas day even though we had freshly split, it was awful. This year we re eating together with kids as we re both on own otherwise an am not sure whether will be good or bad?!
I also am feeling relationship/family envy. I have no one that will be buying me a present, no getting spoilt, cups of tea etc:-( I'm determined next year will not be the same an that's all I can do.
I can't wait for it to be over tbh.ill enjoy seeing kids open presents and play but that's about all.
I feel your pain and ur not alone xxsad

puddingisgood Mon 01-Dec-14 22:01:00

I know what you mean, it is hard at first. Hang on in there! It gets better.
I still get a bit wistful when all I seem to see are happy families. But now I know that I am answerable to no-one else, I can do things my way and my family may be smaller but we are not any the less for it.
I think of the times I was resentful, stressed or otherwise unhappy and realise my life as it is now is actually ok.

triathlonmum Mon 01-Dec-14 22:24:49

Thank you both. I hate feeling self pitying like this, but with he countdown to Xmas everything suddenly seems to have got worse. STBXH is with a new woman so that seems to make it worse (not that I would swap with her for £1000000!).....

Blakey3166 Mon 01-Dec-14 22:33:14

I feel exactly the same with countdown to Xmas now..... School want 101 things sent in/events etc too.... It feels like every area of my life there's pressure in just because it's bloody Xmas! One day!! I've got reminders on phone to hilt and just feel am shouldering it all myself... Argh .
This did make me think back though.... Even when the ex and I were alledgely together , I had same feelings coz he was a useless selfish twat anyway only interested in work - an didn't have a heart or brain at home.
So I guess I gotta remind myself of that fact. As I say I just hope that next year is different in some way- an try an make it so.
Off to bed to dream of mr darcy/me grey rescuing me Xmas morning! Pm me if you fancy more chat xx

Crushed2914 Sat 06-Dec-14 00:55:15

I'm newly single with a 3 month baby, be spending Xmas day with my family but still dreading it. My first Xmas without a partner for 13 years & baby's 1st Xmas I was hoping would have been much much different. I hate being single.

MakeMeJumpIntoTheAir Sat 06-Dec-14 08:24:53

I am 2nd xmas alone - will be spending money travelling to be with family but due to the over inflated rail fares, it will cost me 150 and therefore will be going empty handed. Would rather be in this situation than with a lying cheating bastard though :-)

MakeMeJumpIntoTheAir Sat 06-Dec-14 17:45:35

eeek I think I am one of those thread-killers!

avocadogreen Sun 07-Dec-14 18:36:37

I was going to start a similar thread! First christmas as a single parent. Today me and the DC drove to a lovely local wood to buy a tree, had a lovely play and lunch there, got back and I battled the spiders in the loft to get the decs down. Now we are watching xmas films with a lovely tree up.

I should be feeling quite chuffed after a successful day but it all feels bittersweet. I'm lonely. I feel guilty that the kids should be enough to make me happy but, much as I adore them, I miss having a partner, especially this time of year.

Kendra78 Sun 07-Dec-14 19:26:08

I know the feeling, I have a gorgeous little girl who is amazing and my world. But have been single for two years and feel it more than ever round this time, just so fed up. Sorry for the rant. Although it's nice to know I am not alone xx

triathlonmum Sun 07-Dec-14 20:50:14

Tree up here today, at least I got to choose the one I wanted this year instead of a miniature version the ex found....

avocadogreen Sun 07-Dec-14 21:24:51

yep, I spent �35 on a beautiful, locally grown real tree rather than use the tatty old homebase artificial one in the loft... exH would have been livid grin

TheBakeryQueen Tue 09-Dec-14 09:57:33

Oh come on now chin up! Christmas is the best with kids. You just need to alter your way of thinking a bit.

Im sure it'll be better as a single mum than when in a crappy relationship surely?

I am a single parent & I think there are lots of positives. Embrace it.

Ohbollocksandballs Tue 09-Dec-14 10:05:20

This is my first Christmas as a single parent (split up with DS's Dad on 1st Sept) and it's also DS's first christmas.

The way I see it is that this time last year when me and exp were discussing how amazing this year would be with DS, I never would of imagined this is how it would be. Next year you could be thinking the same.

You will be that happy family one day. You never know what's around the corner.

I hope you all have a lovely stress free christmas with the DC's

TheBakeryQueen Tue 09-Dec-14 10:45:01

It's so empowering when you realise that you don't need to be in a relationship in order to be happy.

cestlavielife Tue 09-Dec-14 11:34:05

a partner is nice to have but not essential...
echoing bakeryqueen.
focus on what you do have, focus on your child and doing christmasssy stuff with them.

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