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Should I pursue maintenance

(23 Posts)
whyhasmyheadgonenumb Mon 01-Dec-14 10:59:45

ExP can't afford to put any money into an account for our DC, he rents a big house that eats money and says he needs the money to pay his gas and electric. He has the DC Saturday afternoon - Sunday afternoon every week.

I have lasted without his help for 13 months and to be honest I don't need his money but DD starts school next year and they will start becoming more expensive soon. I've spoken to the CMO or whatever they are called and they say that i can claim but they determine the amount so I can't ask for say, £100 a month.
We are usually amicable but are having a huge fall out at the moment because he makes no effort with the DC, I drop them off at his, I pick them up and he does nothing with them. He forgot to pack an important medicine in the bag when I picked them up last night and refuses to bring it back to me because he doesn't drive and lives a whole 2 miles away hmm
I'm getting a bit fed up of having to do all the legwork and having him constantly calling me names - wankmother this morning?? For no reason and I'm wondering whether I should just make a claim regardless of his ability to afford it?
He could move into a house that we own together but can't sell due to negative equity and save about £500 a month (we rent it out) but he won't because it doesn't have a garden.

Patchworkqueen Mon 01-Dec-14 13:39:33

Yes of course you should claim maintenance. And stop doing drop offs and pick ups. And the abuse - well if he continues in that vein then he doesn't see you at all.

whyhasmyheadgonenumb Mon 01-Dec-14 14:46:04

Thank you, think I just needed someone to tell me straight, I need to take control of the situation.

NeedsAsockamnesty Mon 01-Dec-14 19:00:28

Of course you should.

They will not order him to pay an amount that he should not be able to afford. He is currently choosing not to be able to.

MuttonCadet Mon 01-Dec-14 19:03:42

Yes, definitely, PP is right, he's choosing to put himself in a situation where he can't afford to pay.

wannabestressfree Mon 01-Dec-14 19:04:48

Absolutely yes!! And stop enabling him whilst he is a abusing you. He can pick up or drop off not you do both.

Btw you can still pick a sum of maintenance. They may assess him as having to pay ££££ but ask you if you can agree together without their involvement. I take less than the suggested amount. I would let them assess him though and see what happens.

RandomMess Mon 01-Dec-14 19:07:52

Yep absolutely, he needs to contribute in time, effort and £. No garden but saves £500 per month - bloody madness!

whyhasmyheadgonenumb Mon 01-Dec-14 20:26:53

I know, Ive said it until im blue in the face, move to the other house so you can learn to drive and pay for your kids then move on again. He has absolutely no thoughts of anybody but himself, he thinks I sit on my arse watching daytime tv all day and had absolutely no idea what goes into bringing up 2 DC who are wonderful and amazing and it cuts me to the core that he actually, in the cold light of day, doesn't want to be around them unless forced. I'd die for my children, he won't walk 2 miles. I am so sorry that I picked him as their father.

RandomMess Mon 01-Dec-14 20:30:53

Don't get mad just move on expecting him to change and use the CMS to get was is due to your children. Stop engaging with your ex, it's his life let him waste it.

whyhasmyheadgonenumb Mon 01-Dec-14 20:31:09

The fact that I work part time and am at uni aswell, whilst bringing up his kids is of no interest to him. He is obsessed with the thought that I've got a new partner (I don't, I am so off men it's untrue) and constant berates me and calls me all the names under the sun.
I've. Had. Enough.

whyhasmyheadgonenumb Mon 01-Dec-14 20:32:01

Yes, good advice. Ring CMS then ignore him completely.

wannabestressfree Mon 01-Dec-14 21:52:22

Yes don't engage unless it's a direct question about the children. You can do it smile

mineofuselessinformation Mon 01-Dec-14 22:28:33

He's an arse. The sooner you realise that, the sooner you'll be able to shrug and carry on with your life. Keep going with CMS claim. Don't reply to any communication that isn't sensible and relevant to the children. (And save them so if he carries on, you can get a non-molestation order against him.)

Starlightbright1 Wed 03-Dec-14 20:49:30

You need to contact CMS...He thinks he can do what he likes.

I would tell him he needs to collect the kids if he wants them and you will collect them up... That way he has to make the initial effort to collect not not bother to return them knowing you will

Starlightbright1 Wed 03-Dec-14 20:50:20

Oh an simply stop conversations with him about anything but the children.. No reason to even discuss your life.

whyhasmyheadgonenumb Wed 03-Dec-14 21:51:25

Thank you, he rang this evening and I passed the phone straight to the DC, didn't speak to him then guess what....£100 miraculously appeared in my bank account from him.
I just don't understand.

whyhasmyheadgonenumb Wed 03-Dec-14 21:52:47

The DC that he spoke to is 22 months and only says car and bus so it wasn't anything he said!

Starlightbright1 Wed 03-Dec-14 22:19:37

Have you any idea of his income? Put that through the CSA calculator ..You might find he is paying £100 as you are entitled to far more and he knows it?

whyhasmyheadgonenumb Thu 04-Dec-14 14:49:27

Yes, I'm entitled to £300ish. I don't know if he realises that

Starlightbright1 Thu 04-Dec-14 19:58:54

I bet he knows he you are entitled to far more than £100

NomorepepperpigPLEASE Thu 04-Dec-14 20:07:27

Get the £300 your dc are entitled too. He has most likely worked out how much he really owes you.

I would insist he picks up and you collect otherwise you will end up doing both

cauliflowerfairy Fri 05-Dec-14 10:34:00

Absolutely agree with what has been says. If he can't afford to pay it he should make plans to move. Kids come first, they would be just as happy to see him in a smaller house I'm sure. Don't tell him your plans though or he might preemptively put a large percentage of his income into a pension fund to avoid paying, as many dads do. They go direct through hmrc these days so it should be quick. Good luck!

cauliflowerfairy Fri 05-Dec-14 10:35:45

And "wankmother" ? That's up there with jizzcock and pisskidney!

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