Feeling like a failure

[Distressedmum14]

Hi, newbie here...
Totally dont know what to do anymore... My 9 year old has me in tears daily some weeks.... I love her to death, but i cant cope with her behaviour any more, its just me, her and my 2yr old, we call ourselves the 3 musketeers....
9yr old, does not listen... She refuses to help, she ignores me, i ask for help with chores and stuff and all i get is attitude.. I have been really poorly the last 3 weeks and undergoing tests, i am exhausted... All i want is to get our home sorted so we can have a lush xmas, and i feel like i am fighting a loosing battle... I feel invisible in my own home...
I have tried rewards, sanctions, consequences, been on courses, had social services offer help.. All to have no result... Its still the same.... I am broken... And very embarrased

[elastamum]

I feel for you, being on your own with young children is hard, especially when you have problems as there is no one to hand over to or share the load. Be kind to yourself, if social services are involved then they obviously think you have more challenges than most - being a single parent is hard enough as it is. Do you have RL friends you can enlist to help out?

[Starlightbright1]

How is she behaving at school.

I am on my own with my Ds... I tend to do it together if you know what I mean. I do the kitchen he does the lounge.

I find we are going to do this, this and this before we go and do this. works.

It is really hard on your own with no one to bounce ideas off..Do you have any good friends ..what do they say

[Distressedmum14]

Social were involved, no longer, they couldn't see an issue... 9yr old behaves perfectly at school, just at home she is difficult... No friends that i could ask, they work, or have lives of their own... Just feel like I'm fighting a loosing battle... X

[Distressedmum14]

"Friends" i have asked either have similar issues, or their kids don't have chores, sorry previous comment was meant to say no friends i could ask to help x

[MeMyselfAnd1]

Don't give up. That's the secret. If she is behaving well at school chances are that she has got the idea that you make her do what you want.

Take it easy, things won't change over night. Choose your battles, don't attempt to correct her when you don't have the strength to carry on with the lesson/threat.

Don't give up, but particularly don't give up to tantrums, moody behaviour and rudeness. If you can't fight your side yo the end, di not even start.

[loumaria]

Are you able to have some 1 on 1 time with her? Sometimes i find this is the best solution as you can bond a bit and will then feel like you are on the same side again rather than against each other. Understand it's not easy and best of luck xx