Hi all,
I really need some advice about what to do on this issue.
I borrowed his car today (I'm still on the insurance so he lends it to me sometimes) and when I got in, I got what I thought was a strong smell of cannabis. When I picked my mum up, she opened the door and exclaimed loudly before mouthing to me that she had got a strong whiff of weed. I hadn't told her I had smelled it. My 5 year old also mentioned that there was a horrible smell.
Now I have actually sat and thought about events over the past week, things seems to be falling into place. When I used the car for some food shopping last week, I got a whiff. When he dropped our son off on Wednesday evening after being at his house, I kissed his head (sons's!) and got a funny scent which instinctively thought was cannabis. When I called him on Thursday to tell him something about our child, I remarked afterwards to my mum that he sounded stoned.
He has a history of smoking it. He never smoked it when we were together but we separated in 2012 and lived apart and he confessed to me he had started smoking it again during that period. He claimed he was never stoned when looking after our son during that time but I was unsure of whether to believe him then.
We split in June of this year after he tried to hit me (something he denies) and I chose to call the police to remove him from the house. He had been depressed up until that point and had resisted any help from me. Directly after this incident, I refused to let him see our son unsupervised as I wasn't sure I could trust him not to hurt him. But after he seemed to get his head together and he wasn't depressed anymore, the contact resumed.
I am very concerned that if he is smoking cannabis, he will become depressed again and I don't really feel comfortable with him having contact with our son. I have no problem with people smoking weed (their choice) as I am aware that to some people, it has no affect on their day to day skills. However, I do not believe this to be the case with him. I have witnessed his personality change dramatically after smoking cannabis and this, coupled with his depression, makes me very concerned.
His father died this time last year and I am aware it must be playing on his mind. I also know he has not had his contract renewed at work, so he is unemployed. I am worried that this things might have set off his habit as well.
We do not have a great relationship, we are courteous but that's as far as it goes. If I confront him about this, I know he would never in a million years admit it even if I was right. His family have cut me out of the picture, so I can't ask them for advice.
Currently he sees our son for 2-3 hrs on Weds and 3-4 on Sunday. Our son never asks to see him or speak to him and doesn't seem to enjoy going there but I have told him he needs to have a relationship as he's his daddy.
What can I do? Is there anyone I can go to for advice?I don't have hard evidence, but my gut tells me I'm right. The last thing I want is to have to go through this crap. All I want is to move on with our lives and for him to have a good relationship with our child. But I do not want him seeing our son if he is smoking weed.
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Strongly suspect ex is smoking cannabis - what to do about contact with son
wonderstuff99 · 22/11/2014 21:23
It's a tough one. On the one hand, I know what it's like to have a gut feeling like that. I haven't gotten to the point where I believe he's not doing cocaine, but I do believe he's not high when he sees DD so I keep it supervised.
With regards to cannabis, if he's not smoking it around your DC (or you have no proof he is), I have a feeling it won't matter and if you withdrew contact, you'd be winging it. A friend of mine was allowed to foster his niece temporarily despite SS knowing he smokes weed. I was very 
but apparently it was the lesser evil.
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