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totally lone working parents, how often do you go out?

(14 Posts)
meglet Fri 21-Nov-14 13:38:48

I manage once or twice a year, but someone has made a negative comment about my lack of a social life and that there's something wrong with me hmm.

Short of having enough money for a babysitter (DC's are 8 & 6) and enough time and energy to go out I can't see how I can do it any differently.

Starlightbright1 Fri 21-Nov-14 14:52:01

I am the same. It as my aim to plan to get a babysitter and start going out this year. I booked her once, My she is booked again for December. I had a night out when DS was on camp and he has been on 2 sleepovers one I went out and the other I arranged so I could go on a course oh and a surprise birthday party friend baby sat.

So 4 nights out and one on a training course.. This has been my busiest year since DS was born and he is 7.

Lushlush Sat 22-Nov-14 07:26:17

Meglet who dared to comment on your lack of social life does she know lots of single parents then whoever said that isn't very up on things!

It is quite normal to stay home as a lone parent.

HonestLie Sat 22-Nov-14 09:43:51

Probably once every 2 or 3 months that I have a proper night out. I am very lucky that my parents live very close by so I don't have to fork out for a babysitter. If I did it would be a lot less. I work two jobs and do get pretty good wages on the face of it but as you're well aware raising a child completely alone with no financial help is bloody expensive and to be honest I just wouldn't be able to afford it otherwise.

I've had comments about my lack of social life a few times, most recently by my boss who wasn't happy I wasn't going to the Christmas night out (Wednesday night, my parents both work full time and I work on a Thursday at my other job). I think the response when I said no was along the line of "I hope you have a good excuse" I responded saying I don't need an excuse I have my daughter to look after and she said "yeah, well so do I but I still make the effort to attend team nights out unlike you". UNLIKE YOU I DON'T HAVE A SAHD AT HOME TO LOOK AFTER MY DAUGHTER" <--- didn't actually say that, just laughed and shook my head and said again I'm not going.

I find that a lot of people demonstrate a huge level of ignorance and lack of understanding to the reality of what being a 100% lone parent really means.

Lushlush Sat 22-Nov-14 13:05:53

There is sitters.co.uk that offer babysitters but it is a bit pricey.

socially Sat 22-Nov-14 13:15:33

Proper night out a couple of times a year.

I go to friends every weekend though. I take DS, who plays with the other kids whilst the adults eat and drink wine. It's lovely smile

TheGirlFromIpanema Sat 22-Nov-14 13:28:48

It does get better OP smile

Mine are 11 & 14 now and I have redressed the balance between our social lives in the last year or so!

I have always had friends of theirs for sleepovers etc (LP for 6.5 years) and often find myself without either of them on a weekend night now as the sleepovers/nights out are reciprocated! DS does stay at his dads rarely sometimes but apart from that I rely on friends/acquantances etc. No family or what not close enough or able to help.

Encourage their social lives now, make friends with anyone and everyone and you will reap the rewards further down the line imho grin

Aliennation Sat 22-Nov-14 13:35:27

Same OP, once or twice a year. Doesn't bother me in the slightest though, I seem to have become quite antisocial as I've gotten older.
I was mid 30's when I became a parent though and spent the previous 2 decades partying so am more than happy to hang up my dancing shoes smile

meglet Sat 22-Nov-14 13:52:49

Thanks everyone. I didn't think I was that weird.

lush the team who assessed my ASD commented on it. They put it as a huge black mark against me, apparently my ASD stops me having a social life angry. They refused to accept that being a working LP with limited finances and no family babysitters might be the problem. I used to go out when I had more family locally.

The diagnosis has really affected me (after me initially being glad I finally got it) and they've judged me for everything without appreciating how hard it is for a LP.

thegirl it's funny I was sitting there this morning moping about not being able to do parkrun with the grown ups, drinking my tea, and realised that in about 4 years (they'll be 12 and 10) I should be able to safely leave the house for an hour or so. They'll still be in bed anyway on saturday monrings hmm.

meglet Sat 22-Nov-14 13:55:11

yy, alien. Imagine queueing for taxi's, crushes at the bar, walking home in bare feet etc. <<shudder>>. Been there got the t-shirt spilt cocktails down it.

TheGirlFromIpanema Sat 22-Nov-14 14:08:01

Yes Meglet, I go to the gym, or bike rides and also have more flexibility with accepting work hours since ds started at high school and can commute himself via bus grin and thats on top of my perfectly adequate drinking social life for grown ups only.

It sounds ages away but I was you only a two or three years ago and the time has flown really!

Anothehr poster said about taking kids with her meet-ups, wine drinking etc. I always have done this too. I choose not to read the MN threads about if it's ok to drink in charge of dc wink I don't think a glass or two harms imo.

I also live in a city which I really think helps. I would struggle to afford either the time or money if I had to travel far to get some dc free time iyswim.

MeMyselfAnd1 Sat 22-Nov-14 23:01:03

I'm totally on my own, no relatives, exh out of the picture too. In the early years I used to be surrounded by other single/divorced parents. It was great to go out with them, as we had a time to catch up and have some adult conversation while the children had a lot of fun.

Having a little lone parent network was also a blessing in terms of babysitting, we used to be there for each other in emergencies and especial occasions. We are a bit like family now.

I have to say I have only had a single proper going out, including dancing, in all these years. I didn't enjoy it. I think I have got used to the warmth of my friends, the relaxed evenings of cheese and wine or coffee and cake and deep conversations. I guess that is me nowadays and I'm happy with that.

Whatever21 Sun 23-Nov-14 11:30:43

You are a normal LP!

MY Ex is completely random about contact and wonders why I can not rustle up some friends when he tells me he will pick up DCs at 1600 on the day he is doing it. When he cancels his contact weekend on a Friday at 1700 - wonders why I do not bother organising stuff because he does it everytime!

I went out with friends 8 weeks ago and the time before that was...... last year!

HonestLie Sun 23-Nov-14 12:15:01

You know I was out last night for the first time in 3 months, I wish I hadn't bothered. It's funny how it can lose its appeal and actually staying home is more fun x

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