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What access arrangements do you have?

(12 Posts)
Dorothy77 Mon 03-Nov-14 09:43:29

Hi everyone

I've recently split from my husband and we have a DS who will be 3 next month. We have sorted out access arrangements for the next few weeks and, so far, it has all been amicable. I would like it to be split as equally and fairly as possible but with ultimate parental responsibility lying with me.

I'd just be interested to hear what arrangements others have really, just to get an idea if you wouldn't mind sharing?

Thank you

Artandco Mon 03-Nov-14 09:51:18

Not us, but my brother has a 3 year old and also separated. He has him Sunday morning about 9am until Wednesday morning. He works also so childcare falling on mon or tues is his responsibility ( has a nanny for him)

His ex wife has him wed morning- sun morning. Also works so she chooses childcare wed-fri (brother drops child at his nursery chosen by mother wed am). He pays half wed childcare so both pay 2 1/2 days a week.

That way both have whole day at weekend, plus 2/3 weekdays before and after work

He said it's easier for everyone as not one day here, one evening there so child settles in each place 1/2 the week

DanceToJoyDivision Mon 03-Nov-14 09:58:42

If he is named on the birth certificate then you both have equal parental responsibility. The residency arrangements for your DS will have no impact on this.

My ex lives some distance away (2 hours) so it is not practical for him to see the DCs during the week. Instead, he has them 3 weekends a month. It's not ideal from my POV as I'd love more quality time with them. But I'm willing to put my feelings aside to ensure they maintain a good relationship with their dad.

Thegreatunslept Mon 03-Nov-14 10:10:08

I am stepmum to dsd 6 she comes to us for dinner one night mid-week and then stays with us Friday 5.30pm until Saturday 6pm one weekend then the nxt weekend Saturday 10am until Sunday 6pm.
Often weekends change to suit either parent or dsd's activities. And often dsd will stay from fri-sun if she wants to.
With our arrangement dsd mum works mornings while dsd is at school and my Dp works mon-fri 8am-5pm. So this is why the arrangement works.
Dsd also stays extra nights during half term Easter and Christmas holidays and when her mum goes on holiday, we usually have dsd for a couple of weeks in the summer holidays too.
At Christmas dsd stays with her mum on Christmas Day and dp collects dsd on Boxing Day morning and she comes to us for a couple of days.
My dp does all drop offs and always collects dsd.
Dp and dsd mum get on ok most arrangements are made by txt or phone calls.

lostdad Mon 03-Nov-14 13:47:01

Forget about what everyone else has.

Talk to your DS' other parent and come up with what works best for him, for you and your ex.

Your DS has a mum and dad who love him and will benefit most from them working together.

I know this sounds facetious and unhelpful - but don't fall into the trap of `normal' or `reasonable' contact. Everyone's situation is different.

If you can't come up with anything please try mediation - someone to referee your discussion, narrow the differences you have and work out something that works for everyone.

Trust is slow to build but easy to destroy so try hard! wink

starlight1234 Mon 03-Nov-14 20:39:23

I agree it is what works for all of you. Do think though in a years time you will be applying for schools and how that will work.

Only thing I would say on here that don't give up all weekends it is harder to reclaim them when DS starts school

Hesaysshewaffles Mon 03-Nov-14 22:26:42

We split when dd was one. By the time she was two we had 4/3 split. Me having our dd mon, tues, thurs and fri nights. He kept on saying that we had to split day time so he would literally have our dd from 10 on a Sunday. It worked whilst I got my shit together, around working etc and getting in to a place where I didn't have so much hatred for life after getting screwed over big time by my ex.

Now she's 3 and the current setup isn't working at all. It's like he gets all the fun times and I don't as everyone works during the week so she doesn't get to see my family. He was reluctant to give up days. But we have changed it now to a 4/3 and then 3/4 split. Like starlight said when she does to school I will have a fight on my hands with him and in going to dread that!

oddity2001 Tue 04-Nov-14 18:46:33

I wish my wife was this sensible.
I can see my eldest son twice a week for four hours, of which two hours are spent travelling.
I can see my youngest once a week under-supervision.
She feels i can have the children when they are old enough to make up their own minds.
(The court is taking her side)

number1daddy Fri 07-Nov-14 01:50:27

my sons mum is a stranger to him now. she isn't allowed to see him

CallMeBetty Sun 09-Nov-14 20:32:12

I gave my ex no limits on contact, he could see and speak to them as much and as often as he liked. He's decided to move an hour away and only see them once a fortnight. So it's every other weekend here. Very sad.

Bluegill Sun 09-Nov-14 20:36:55

My ex spends as little time as possible with his son. Sadly no choice for us. I would suggest as much contact as possible with both parents is good for children.

singledadthealmostlegend Mon 10-Nov-14 20:12:28

Hi My angry/happy/disparate M/D's. My DW walked out on myself and the kids DD/DS 9/6, just over a year ago. She found a very successful bloke, she rather took a fancy to. Only problem was it was her best friends Husband. Safe to say, our circle of friends/social has changed a bit!!Just moved back to the UK from Paris where we were living.She was recently dumped by the said Beau, and is now demanding to be mum of the century (she was a distant hands off mum before)I feel this is now getting in the way of the really happy house we have created. I ensure, to the point of demanding that she is an integral part of the kids life. How do I now set boundaries. I have raised the kids for the past 5 years , whilst she traveled the globe, earning the essential family crust. In the past she would do everything to dump the kids with me on her weekends, now she wants every weekend, which i have stopped. Thoughts on a postcard please!

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