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issues with ex mil - what to do?

(12 Posts)
Carrierpenguin Sun 02-Nov-14 14:12:30

ExP and I split up around 18 months ago. Ex mil and I never got on, she's a very domineering person and wants everything her way, she interfered in ex and I relationship and he never stood up to her or defended me which was one of the reasons we split.

ExP and I have a contact arrangement, he visits 3yo dd at my house every Sunday and takes her out for lunch/park etc. I have residence and she doesn't stay at his house, he lives an hour away and I'm not happy for her to be away from her home without me overnight, I'd prefer ex visited her here and he's always been fine with this. At some point in the future this will change of course, but not yet, when she's old enough to benefit then she will smile

Anyway, ex mil bought a cot for her and kitted out a room for her at ExP house about a year ago. Then she bombarded me with emails asking why I wasn't allowing overnights confused ExP confirmed he was happy not to have overnights.

I emailed ex mil at the time and told her politely that exp and I have an arrangement with dd. She left me alone after that.

Exp took dd (age 2) to soft play this morning, then gave her back early at lunchtime. Since then dd has been telling me about the peppa bed ex mil has bought her hmm apparently she is delivering it to exp, so dd can have it there and sleep in it hmm

ExP mentioned nothing about it when he left. Wwyd? I doubt dd is lying (why would she, she's got good speech and not likely mix up a bed..) I'm not sure whether to ignore it, as mil is overstepping and nothing can be done without my agreement with exp. But I think she's out of order to get dd excited about a Peppa princess bed, aside from anything else dd still co sleeps and when I tried her in a bed dd decided she wanted to sleep in my bed again after 10 mins. Perhaps mil I'd going to try to buy dd fancy stuff that I can't afford forever more though.

Carrierpenguin Sun 02-Nov-14 14:14:34

Sorry for the age typo, dd is aged 2 smile

DanceToJoyDivision Sun 02-Nov-14 14:19:39

I would direct your ex-MILs emails to your spam folder and let your ex deal with her. Trying to reason with her hasn't got you very far has it? If a bed turns up, you can simply refuse to accept the delivery.

Disengage, disengage, disengage.

LadySybilLikesCake Sun 02-Nov-14 14:26:17

I'm assuming ex mil has had the bed delivered to your ex's house as a bribe incentive for your DD to stay over there??

Carrierpenguin Sun 02-Nov-14 14:31:17

Yes, dd has been told that grandma has bought her a pink peppa princess bed and it's being delivered to daddy's house. So dd can only have it if she goes and stays there, which exp and I have not discussed and she doesn't currently. So yes, it's an expensive bribe. Maybe I should ask exp to dds fancy new bed delivered to my house grin

Carrierpenguin Sun 02-Nov-14 14:34:05

I'm wondering whether to phone exp and ask him when the wonderful bed is going to be delivered to my house as dd is excited...

LadySybilLikesCake Sun 02-Nov-14 14:37:16

I'd ask him, shame for it to never be used grin You need to be gentle and remind DD that she sleeps with you but she could use it if she needs a nap when she's at her dad's house during the day.

Your ex mil sounds like a right meddling minnie.

Carrierpenguin Sun 02-Nov-14 14:45:56

Thanks I will do that grin much as it is annoying to have mil trying to buy off dd and she's definitely a meddling minnie, I have to remind myself that I'm dds mum and ultimately it's not big gifts that dd needs.

LadySybilLikesCake Sun 02-Nov-14 14:50:15

Yup, mine's one of these. She went a bit too far and waltzed into ds's school one day and was stopped by the headteacher. She told the head I wouldn't give her or ds's father any information about how ds was doing at school and could she have a copy of his school report. The head told her to talk to me and sent her away. Problem here was I (and ds) only saw the ex every 18 months and he didn't give me his address so getting a copy to him would be neigh on impossible. Had naff all to do with her, hence why I didn't give her one to pass on. I get that they want to 'encourage' their son's to have a relationship with their dc, but there's a line they shouldn't cross. I think you need to put some boundaries in place now before she goes into your child's school and demands a copy of their report wink

sandgrown Sun 02-Nov-14 14:59:58

She is your child's grandma lady Sybil and maybe wants to know how he is getting on at school. Would it hurt to just keep her informed how he is doing and if she can encourage her son to have a good relationship with his child that's great.

LadySybilLikesCake Sun 02-Nov-14 15:05:10

She could ask me, sand. It's not her place to go into my child's school during the day and ask for a copy of his report. She knew where I lived and saw us every 2 weeks so she knew exactly how ds was doing, and she was also invited to school concerts/plays and whatnot. I couldn't have done more to keep her involved. Her ds couldn't really give two shits and saw ds for an hour every 18 months where he fell asleep in the cinema or was so hungover he ended up shouting in ds's face.

Sorry, Carrier. I have no intention of hijacking your thread thanks

IDontDoIroning Sun 02-Nov-14 15:12:10

If you and ex have a reasonable relationship then ask him what he/ his mother have been saying to her.

However at 2 (you don't say if she is just 2 or nearer to 3?) she is coming to an age where she should be going and spending overnights with her father.
It will benefit their relationship if spends longer with him and an hour in a car on one day and an hour back the next is not excessive.

In fact it may be a good idea if she goes there and back in a day a few times to see his house and get used to it. A 2 hour round trip split by a stay at his house would not be excessive.

Maybe ex is thinking it's getting time for her to start staying over and his DM is helping by by kitting out the bedroom for him.

You need to talk to ex about this but don't be shocked if he is thinking its time she came to stay.

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