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(12 Posts)
solitudehappiness Sat 01-Nov-14 08:21:14

Am a lp to a 17 month old dd. Her father dumped me when I told him I was pregnant and I didn't see or hear from him until dd was born. He met her when she was 6 months old, but hasn't seen her since.
Yesterday at a baby centre I saw his ex and the mother of his older 26 year old daughter. Didn't realise she ran the centre, but heard other mothers call her name and realised who she was.
Waited until we were alone and asked her if she was his ex and the mother of his daughter. Then told her dd was his child. She didn't know about dd.
She said the dd was family and that she'd like her to be a part of her family and come to functions etc.
As we left she said to dd 'say bye to auntie'.
It was all a bit much and I feel totally overwhelmed by it all.
Sorry this post is long, I'd really appreciate some advice.

Mampire Sat 01-Nov-14 08:25:31

I'd tread carefully there.

Mampire Sat 01-Nov-14 08:29:46

Sorry that wasn't helpful. What I mean is you need to make friends and acquaintances and find support from people who aren't connected to your ex. He will inevitably think that you're trying to wriggle your way in to his life (and maybe you are). It's probably interesting to her, a piece of gossip? a cute baby, wait til she tells her grown up daughter................. Maybe her daughter will be pleased, but maybe not. 26 years between half-siblings is a lot. Her daughter might feel that her father having such a young child now threatens their father/daughter relationship somehow. ie, can he feel paternal towards an adult child?

I'd walk away unless/until the adult daughter or her father (your baby's father) come looking for you themselves. However well-meaning (or nosey) the woman at the centre might be, she's no relative of your child's.

solitudehappiness Sat 01-Nov-14 13:36:00

His daughter knows about my lo. When her father met her at 6 months he said that the baby picture id sent him saying dd looked like his daughters dd he'd sent to her and she agreed she looked her.
I'm so confused.
The woman didn't come across as bitchy or gossipy at all.
She said her dd's father had probably tried to protect himself by saying I was a terrible person etc

tywysogesgymraeg Sat 01-Nov-14 13:39:05

Well I think that's lovely. It would be great firy your child to know her father's family as she gets older. Go slowly, but don't reject them.

solitudehappiness Sat 01-Nov-14 21:58:00

It all just seems to be a bit overwhelming. His daughter knew about my dd since she was born and hasn't made any effort to contact me. This is causing me lots of confusion and if I'm honest, anger. Dd's father doesn't have anything to so with his dd's family. His ex doesn't speak too kindly about him.
I've been thinking about this since I saw her yesterday. Am I being mean to my dd if I decide not to keep in touch? Do I take up the offer of contacting her/friending her on Facebook? Will her dd be hostile towards me? How would dd's feel about me being in contact?
Oh dear shockhmm

NAR4 Sun 02-Nov-14 10:52:45

The 26 yr old half sister only knows about your child according to your ex. Maybe she doesn't know she has a half sibling.

solitudehappiness Sun 02-Nov-14 16:05:45

Very true. She may not know she has a sister. This all adds to my confusion.
When I told dd's father I was pregnant, he was extremely negative on all fronts. It makes sense that he hasn't told her.
I just want what's best for dd.
I've not been this confused for a long time. I'm not going to send a friend request to his ex. Think I'm going to wait until she contacts me.

starlight1234 Sun 02-Nov-14 19:51:28

I imagine she is well over ex 26 years later.
Take it slowly. she may well be someone who may well want to help. You will see her at baby centre.

solitudehappiness Sun 02-Nov-14 20:00:31

I've decided I don't want to go to the baby centre anymore. It's her business and a lot of her friends go there.
She is very much over her ex, as I am. She's been married 20 years.
I'll wait until she gets in touch. I feel that if she is genuine about what she's said she will get in contact with me.

SezaMcGregor Wed 12-Nov-14 09:57:19

If I met DS's dad's exW - I would be relieved if she wanted to have friendly terms with me. I would like DS to know his brother (who is a teenager) to allow him to know who he is and not have this secret boy hidden away that he'll never meet or else will meet after many years.

For me, it would not be for DS to see ex but to know his brother and to know that it's not just be lumbered with a (darling) child by shitty ex.

SezaMcGregor Wed 12-Nov-14 09:57:53

Not just me*

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