Advice about dads

[michelleb330]

Hi i need some advice about my ex. we have two children together, have been separated for 5 years, we split because he was violent. he has shown very little interest in the children over the past 5 years, he has seen them on and off, he smokes weed around them when they are there and does nothing with them. This has made my son want nothing to do with him, he is only 7 but decided a long time ago that he wants nothing to do with him, this is his decision not mine! my daughter who is now 11 continues to give him a chance. He pays £10 every 2 weeks through the csa as he is unemployed. His partner has got in touch recently about seeing them, i finally put my foot down and said when i see some money and some consistency then you can see her. He said he will not have any money for 2 weeks but he wants them both this weekend, i said no now he says he will see me in court.
I wanted some advice please about what might happen if it does go to court.
Michelle x

[AlbaGuBrath]

Why was it his partner that contacted you? Is this a new partner?

Do you actually think given his lazy, non interested attitude to parenting will change? Court is a hassle for men like him. My ex used to frequently threaten court but never could be arsed to get off his lazy arse to do anything about it in reality.

[StopStalkingMe]

Court will not agree with keeping the kids from their dad because he doesn't pay support. They will if the kids' safety is threatened though. But just because he doesn't pay, sorry, it sucks, but not much can be done there.

[STIDW]

Children's views are important but not determinative. At 7 years of age a child isn't mature enough to understand all the implications of making the decision. For example parents might ask a child how they feel about moving house and changing school but the parents would weigh all the pros and cons before they decide. If separated parents can't agree arrangements for children and go to court it is another adult, the judge, who makes the decision.

It's important not to underestimate the importance courts attach to contact. No contact orders are quite rare. If there is evidence a parent's parenting is not good enough because of drug or alcohol abuse it could be a case of putting measures in place to ensure contact is safe. That might be contact supervised by a family member, contact in a contact centre or indirect contact e.g. letters, cards, emails, Skype.

[michelleb330]

Hi thanks for the advice, yes my son is only 7 but every time his dad has popped up saying he wants to see him i have asked him if he wants to go and for years now he has said no. There was one time last year my son said he wanted to see him and so i got in contact and arranged for him to go, he looked at his dad like a stranger and said mum i am scared! i said it would be fine he will have a great time. So he went, his dad took them to the circus they had a nice time but when he came back he said he doesn't want to go back again, i encouraged him to go again the following 2 weeks and he did but again came back saying no i don't want to go back. i never speak badly about his dad so all this is coming from him. he doesn't know his dad, and his dad doesn't know him!
His partner is not new they have been together since we broke up, she seems to have more interest in my children than he does. No there is a good chance he wont bother with court but i am thinking she may pursue it and as he is on benefits he will get it all for free so he might do it.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Legal aid for family law will not be availible to him any more. Court fee exemption will be but not anything else.

But you say he's not paying and you also say you get £10 every 2 weeks. So he is paying he's paying exactly what he is legally expected to pay.

And contact and finance are not linked using that in court will make you look very bad. The other stuff well do you think he's going to bother given the last 5 years of not?

[starlight1234]

Some of the stuff you need to discount, he is paying required amount as he is unemployed. Its not great doesn't support the children but not a factor here.

The other stuff. Is he asking to see the children for the whole weekend? or a visit? I would talk to Ex about how he can build relationship with DS . It sounds like he won't bother to do the leg work. DD I think you need to be clear that you need to set up regular contact and extend time. By the sounds of it she doesn't know him well either so a visit would be fine. I would set down the conditions you will not let him keep wondering in and out of children life and final chance. If you give him chance to take them out he has to do something.

My Ex no longer has contact but I know I can say to my DS I did everything to make it work ..