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Newly single, bit scared

(27 Posts)
latorgator Wed 29-Oct-14 19:32:35

Married and a home owner jointly, stbx want so sell and split equity 50/50. He has ability to work and earn so can save his half, may half will go on rent for me and our baby ds. Think I can get child tax credit at least. I work for stbx and that will stop very soon. Don't even know what I'm asking, a bit bewildered

Solasum Wed 29-Oct-14 19:35:32

Are you planning on looking for another job?

Will DS be with you all the time? If so, you'll be entitled to ongoing child maintenance on top of 50% of the equity.

Solasum Wed 29-Oct-14 19:37:12

Are you planning on staying where you live currently area wise or could it make sense to move closer to family/friends?

latorgator Wed 29-Oct-14 20:38:17


latorgator Wed 29-Oct-14 20:40:09

I'll get a job if I can fit it around ds, I think I'd like to move near family. Ds is only 21m so child care is expensive. I'm also very lonely sad

latorgator Wed 29-Oct-14 20:47:08

But on a plus side, I don't have to live with an abusive, violent controlling bully smile

Solasum Wed 29-Oct-14 20:47:15

You'd get working tax credits offset against child are, which would help with the cost, and in some areas 2 year olds now get free hours as well.

Do not be lonely. It sounds creepy, but on Mumsnet there is always someone to listen to you, however early or late it is.

Solasum Wed 29-Oct-14 20:47:57

smile. Yes, it is all up from here.

latorgator Wed 29-Oct-14 20:48:10

Thanks, not creepy at all

latorgator Wed 29-Oct-14 20:50:05

I've been in bits thinking about how we were, but I need to look at the reality of how we are. I've felt close to the edge but getting stronger

Monathevampire1 Wed 29-Oct-14 20:51:33

Stbx might want to sell house and split 50/50 but his and your little cone still need housing. Think you need legal advice.

Solasum Wed 29-Oct-14 20:53:19

At the beginning I found it really helped me to focus purely on the practicalities, and try and ignore the emotional side. Then when all the practical stuff was sorted somehow the emotional bit didn't seem anywhere near as important any more.

Do be kind to yourself though. Are you managing to eat and sleep?

Mumziia Wed 29-Oct-14 20:54:50

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

latorgator Wed 29-Oct-14 21:01:30

Barely eating, if at all. Sleeping is tough, I wake and for a split second don't remember what's happened, then I'm sobbing

latorgator Wed 29-Oct-14 21:03:44

No thanks mumzila, but thanks for preying on the weak

Solasum Wed 29-Oct-14 21:08:20

It will get better, I promise. thanks

You need to eat though. Anything is better than nothing. Your DS needs you to stay strong for him. It doesn't have to be gourmet cuisine, it is called comfort food for a reason. Try some bread and soup, something simple. And keep drinking water. You will probably be crying for a while yet, but you will physically at least give yourself a chance if you are not seriously dehydrated and running on empty

Could you go and stay with family for a while? Are you still both in the same same house?

Solasum Wed 29-Oct-14 21:10:34

Eating might seem like less of a big deal if you make yourself eat something small every time you feed DS?

Mumziia Wed 29-Oct-14 21:26:23

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

latorgator Wed 29-Oct-14 21:30:30

Sorry mumzilla, I saw numbers and emails and assumed, that's wrong of me

latorgator Wed 29-Oct-14 21:31:32

He says he still loves me, didn't want to leave.

Solasum Wed 29-Oct-14 21:33:59

So you are at home alone with DS? Can you get a friend to come and stay?

latorgator Wed 29-Oct-14 21:35:52

Not really, I lost all my friends along the way. But my dad and sis are on the phone or can pop by once in a while

Solasum Wed 29-Oct-14 21:39:10

Make sure they do!

I am going to bed now, but seriously, if you wake up in the middle of the night and need an audience, there will always be someone on the chat boards. Lone parents can be quite quiet

latorgator Wed 29-Oct-14 21:43:40

Thanks xx

latorgator Fri 21-Nov-14 22:49:25

I crumbled and took him back, we've had a terrible fight in the mean time but still together. Should have stuck with it. You are all so much stronger than me x

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