Talk

Advanced search

Advice re. Contact 6 week old DD

(5 Posts)
Crushed2914 Thu 09-Oct-14 18:02:49

I have a thread in relationships regarding my split with STBXH, it's an absolute mess, in brief he's left us for another woman. This happened three weeks ago when I found out about her. DD was 3 WO.
Anyway, I'm slowly trying to pick up pieces of my life & put them back together in the best way I can to support DD.
We were married when she was born so solicitor tells me he gets parental responsibility. He's asked to see her once since we split, it was so raw I said he'd have to wait, but I don't know what to do. Solicitor suggested he sees her under female family supervision I have two relatives who have agreed but going forwards how much time do I give him/how many days a week given she's only 6 weeks. How can I make it work, it's such a shitty situation I don't know what's best. I loathe him but that's not reason to keep him from her I know, she's just so little, has anyone got experience with arranging contact from such a young age?

OP’s posts: |
socially Thu 09-Oct-14 18:20:09

Hi OP, so sorry to hear you're going through this.

The advice is little and often. When does your ex work? Would he be able to come round for an hour or two here and there? How close by does he live?

I'd say it should definitely be supervised and definitely no overnights until she's a lot older.

Are you breastfeeding?

HeadDoctor Thu 09-Oct-14 21:02:25

Goodness, I can't imagine how you're feeling sad

Is there a reason it needs to be supervised? Is he not safe to be around her?

For young babies, it's recommend that contact is little an often so an hour or so several evenings a week perhaps. You'll get a variety of opinions on overnights. In my opinion it's best to find something that works for both of you.

LittleBabyLucas Thu 09-Oct-14 21:23:58

Hi OP

going through something similar.

My ds is 4 months old so to make sure he sticks to wait he promised me I put a contact order in place through the court. It's so easy to do! Ex has supported contact at a contact centre for 1.5 hours every 2 weeks.

The judge agrees that little and often is best and also allows the parents time to come to terms with everything.

Ask your solicitor then if you stbx doesn't turn up or decides he isn't going to give baby back to you the courts will sanction him.

It's hard being away from them when they are so young. My ex hasn't bothered since the CO was in place but has told everyone im being obstructive. Always put the kids first no matter how hard. If you don't want him to have any contact with dd there are ways around this too.

It really depends on what you want to do.

Good luck we are all here for you keep us posted xxx

HowamIgoingtocope Thu 09-Oct-14 21:34:25

Okay. First things first. I know it's raw. But you have to put aside why he left you. At the end of the day this is about your child. It is good he's asked for contact. If your bf maybe say between feeds an hour at the most on a daily basis. You were married so he gets all the same responsibilities you do. Plus and this is essential if he is not having your child overnight he also has to pay 100% maintainance. Get this set free et to the csa if he works. If he's not self employed they will do an attachment order on his pay. Or you could agree a sum. This is dependent on what he earns. As money grabbing as it seems you will need it. Do you pay rent. Is his name on the mortgage / lease. These need sorting. Joint bank accounts need stopping and open your own. Contact ctc and the council for your benefits. Do it now they can only back date a month. Also contact gingerbread. They will help.put everything in perspective. Good luck.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in