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Opinions please - ExH wants to take DS away for weekend

(13 Posts)
BelleCurve Thu 02-Oct-14 17:35:53

Hi, looking for opinions how to handle this. ExH wants to take DS 5 away for Saturday night to Eid prayers with his family 100 miles away.

My concerns are - He has only sporadic contact, one afternoon a month and only one overnight since DS was born. The night he did have overnight, he didn't put DS to bed at all, he eventually crashed out on the sofa.
He has a history of not prioritising DS safety - leaving him unsupervised in the bath under 2 yo, putting him the front seat of the car with no child seat.

The prayers are usually start late (1am) and will be an all night thing. I suspect DS will just get dumped on a relative and left. There is also a slight possibility that he will take him to be circumcised, although I have already sent legal letters that I do not consent. (I think this is unlikely, but just giving all the possibilities)

There are no contact orders that I have to allow contact, but I don't want to inhibit their relationship. DS gets on ok with his dad, but doesn't ask to see him or speak to him between contact. I realise one night with no sleep is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but I worry that his dad won't look after him. I've asked him to have a skype call with DS tonight to see if he even wants to go. WWYD?

OP’s posts: |
HeySoulSister Thu 02-Oct-14 18:00:19

Prayers start at 1 am and go on all night? Er, how does this. 'Benefit' your ds??

Doesn't sound right to me

Iloveweetos Thu 02-Oct-14 18:07:03

Dds dad is Muslim and has prayers etc. I always say yes to eid as I never wanna be seen as hindering. As dd gets older she will see and say what she wants. As of right now I can't make that choice for her. The circumcision thing would worry me more. But at the same time, how do you stop that other than refusing contact? sad x

Iloveweetos Thu 02-Oct-14 18:08:15

Just read the sporadic contact! I wouldn't allow it x

BelleCurve Thu 02-Oct-14 18:23:56

Well possible benefits to DS - spending time with his dad and extended family, experiencing an important event in his culture.

Can't see me having a relaxing time if he goes though!

OP’s posts: |
ArcheryAnnie Thu 02-Oct-14 18:25:13

I wouldn't allow it - and indeed didn't with mine at that age, for almost exactly the reasons you cite, and particularly having a very lax attitude to safely.

Five is very small. If you have these concerns I'd say no - but perhaps couch it as "no, not yet".

Do you have any direct contact with Ex's family?

BelleCurve Thu 02-Oct-14 18:26:56

I think the circumcision is unlikely. There are serious consequences for practitioners if they act without both parents consent, and i've made it clear to ExH I would prosecute him and any involved if he went ahead without my consent.

OP’s posts: |
BelleCurve Thu 02-Oct-14 18:29:14

No, the family dropped me once we split. I guess he made me out to be the bad guy. Fair enough, I guess but I don't trust them to look out for DS wellbeing anymore than Ex really

OP’s posts: |
EhricLovesTheBhrothers Thu 02-Oct-14 18:39:00

Given the fact that he has very little contact with him and not at all overnight I'd say no. He can take him to mosque locally in the morning and have a nice day with him if it's that important but absolutely no reason he has to be at mosque overnight. It's not in his interests.

BelleCurve Thu 02-Oct-14 21:01:05

Thanks all. Stress over nothing. When I called him back, he decided he didn't want to take DS anyway. hmm

OP’s posts: |
starlight1234 Thu 02-Oct-14 22:28:27

Yep he really wanted him there. Kind of sounds a good thing he decided not to go

ArcheryAnnie Fri 03-Oct-14 09:38:45

Quelle surprise!

At least it's nice not to have to be the one to turn him down. It's very tiring to have an absent dad, who sees their child once in a blue moon (when they can be bothered) but who then yells about That Bitch Keeping Me From My Son if you don't jump to comply with any random access arrangements they demand.

I hope your ex improves with age, OP, and in time becomes a bit more responsible. I was lucky in that my DS's once-useless dad, who had spent DS's early years either letting him down or not paying attention to him when he did have him, has - now DS is in his early teens - become a bit more involved and quite a lot more responsible.

BelleCurve Fri 03-Oct-14 12:05:08

Well I live in hope Annie, but I think that's part of the problem! I tie myself in knots trying to facilitate contact and yet he will happily not turn up if for e.g. its raining, or he thinks he might be getting a cold angry

Luckily, DS doesn't seem to care and I just need to remember it most likely won't happen anyway

OP’s posts: |

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