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Still not over my ex and family have washed there hands of me:-(

(12 Posts)
addictedtolatte Sun 28-Sep-14 20:48:33

Ex dumped me after 16 years 3 years ago. He is constantly popping up in my life family courts, at school ect...

I moved 40 miles away from him to get over it. Was doing really well managed to take myself off anti-ds 8 weeks ago. My mum and sister have supported through all the heartache and court battles (that's a whole other story)

I found out 4 days ago my ex lives with a new partner 2 miles away from me. I feel trapped like I will never be free of him. My reaction has been awful and I had to call out of hours doctor for help on Friday. Been given anti-ds so just a waiting game now. My mum has lost it with me and says am a bunny boiler for being so upset. My sister is supporting her. I feel lost and don't know where to turn. Don't know why I can't cope with situation. Maybe am just a weak person. Am I going crazy

OP’s posts: |
Mummy321 Sun 28-Sep-14 22:07:07

I'm sure your family are there for you, they have supported you so far. But supporting someone going thru difficulties is hard and a massive test of patience and love... God knows I've stretched my parents over the years!

I've no idea re anti-ds, can u speak to a dr tomorrow? Try going to bed and see hoe you are in the morning... Sorry if that's rubbish advice.

StartinOverTheRainbow Mon 29-Sep-14 07:24:25

I feel for you, I do. It's hard to let go and trying to get over it takes time, a lot of! One thing that struck me was you said you moved 40 miles away to 'get over him'. I know logically you know that distance helps to put him out of your mind (just like going NC) but in your head it may seem like just yesterday all that pain happened. Have you been to counselling? AD's help definitely, but if the real issues are not addressed and resolved, they will fester and disease your thinking and life will feel 'reactionary' rather than 'preventative'. While him being so close would rattle my nerves for a bit, I wouldn't be devastated if my ex was that close because I have/will continue to work through the trauma and heal from inside out and he is no longer part of my everyday psyche (well, he is now as we are in the thick of a divorce, but I know he won't be once things have settled) Good Luck.

purpleroses Mon 29-Sep-14 07:33:43

Do you have children with him? If so I would guess he may have moved closer in order to see more of them. Your family may understand that and so think you're being unreasonable about it.

If you don't have children with him then it's bloody weird to have moved so close and I could understand being a bit put out.

addictedtolatte Mon 29-Sep-14 16:29:16

Thanks everyone for your input.

I do have children with him but I moved to my original area of living whilst he stayed in his. I had to move as I suffered emotional abuse from and his immediate family for years. He doesn't Care that much about the kids. He has shown this by his actions over the years of our split. Eg. My dd was seriously ill at 12 months and he never came hospital or enquired about her through the whole process. He has just moved by me to upset me again. I am trying my hardest to overcome this feeling of being suffocated by his nearness to me but can't cope. I am now on anti d's again which I successfully weaned off a couple of months ago.

I know that means he's winning by me going to meltdown. I just wish I could be the strong woman I used to be but just spend my days crying :-(

OP’s posts: |
StartinOverTheRainbow Mon 29-Sep-14 16:36:07

Please try counselling if you haven't already. thanks

Viviennemary Mon 29-Sep-14 16:40:46

It's hard for you. But it looks as if they've simply lost patience for a while and think it's about time you moved on after three years. And there is just no point in going over and over all the things he did that annoyed you. But if you can't let go why not try counselling.

addictedtolatte Mon 29-Sep-14 16:45:08

Thanks startinovertherainbow I will look into it! Hope you manage manage to find peace yourself soon :-)

OP’s posts: |
addictedtolatte Mon 29-Sep-14 16:50:57

Vivienne I have tried my hardest to move on but in them 3 years he has dragged me through court for 2 and half years of them. When he has his midweek contact he ends up sitting in the same cafe as me. I have no idea how he knows where I've gone. I cannot be his friend after all he has done to me and his kids but he just won't leave me be.

OP’s posts: |
starlight1234 Mon 29-Sep-14 23:00:32

I do think you need counselling also look at the freedom program. IT may help empower you.

I probably think your family are at a loss as to what else to do but guess you feel that way too.

cestlavielife Mon 29-Sep-14 23:16:27

Definitely counselling.

Stop reading his mind. You cannot.

Stop thinking about him so much. Think about you and your own needs. You need to reach a point where you could be in same cafe but it would not bother you.

Counselling can help. Try a separated and divorced group.

whyMe2014 Tue 28-Oct-14 00:40:16

Sending you support.

I still think 3 years is not long after putting you through all that. People recover (or are able to live with things) over different time frames and I think you will need counselling for a while.

My stbxh was emotionally abusive - he left me for the OW in August. I can see no way out of the trauma that I'm feeling now. As we have two children I feel like I'm always going to be saddled with his nastiness. Not a nice thought.

No way are you the bunny boiler. You have just been through the mill and need to be allowed to heal at your pace.

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