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Just need a bit of help with what to do next...

(14 Posts)
whyhasmyheadgonenumb Tue 09-Sep-14 22:21:29

I split with exp last November, he was EA and didnt help with anything - i basically did everything in the house and for the DC whilst being called a fat slut 24/7 so i grew a backbone and moved out (he wouldnt).

My DC are preschool and theres only a small age gap so after many arguments i agreed that he could have contact with them one at a time, it soon became apparent that he didnt want to have my DS overnight because he was still up two or three times so i let that go, he had DD once a week.
When DS started sleeping through and i had ironed out the hell that was bedtime he agreed to start having them overnight together, every couple of weeks and that was great, i got a night off to sort my house out and get my head straight. One of the times i picked them up he asked if he could have them every weekend - Saturday at 11 until Sunday at 5, i agreed and that went really well for about 6 weeks, i really enjoyed the time to myself and it made me a much better mom to the DC during the week (i work 2 days a week aswell).

He asked if he could have last weekend 'off' to go to his parents as they live 200 miles away, he went on Friday night after work. On Saturday night he went out drinking with some friends and he randomly sent me a really nasty text stating 'i hate you so much, i wish i could get away with killing you' then an hour later 'you can have the kids, ill have new kids with someone that i love'. I was absolutely stunned but he was drinking and his nasty and violent streak always comes out then so i decided that i would just not text back and avoid the argument.
We were supposed to be going to the zoo today to celebrate DD starting nursery next week but hes not contacted me since that text. He was off yesterday and today and hes obviously not asked to see the kids. Nothing.

I dont know what to do, I dont want to validate him by texting him back. Im so absolutely clueless!! He doesnt pay any maintenance towards the children and ive always put off claiming something off the CSA or whoever because i know he struggles with money but im starting to get really angry now, how can he possibly do this to my children? What the heck is wrong with him!!! They are amazing kids, really great to be around - how can he just ignore them. He lives half a mile down the road.

I dont really know why im posting this, i should be in bed but im sat here thinking about what im going to do and i just dont know. Do i text and ask if hes having the kids this weekend or do i just ignore him and wait until he contacts me - what if he doesnt!! Do i let him walk away from my DC?

OP’s posts: |
BlackeyedSusan Tue 09-Sep-14 22:26:27

have you thought about going to the police with that text. most forces would take that very seriously.

let him walk away.

move further away.

(hugs)

BlackeyedSusan Tue 09-Sep-14 22:27:09

contact womens aid too.

whyhasmyheadgonenumb Tue 09-Sep-14 22:29:40

I am moving, another few miles. Hes mad about that, i told him on thursday night. He doesnt drive - i drop the DC off and pick them up so i told him that it doesnt matter where i live because i do all the leg work anyway. Didnt go down well!

What would the police do?

OP’s posts: |
MissWimpyDimple Tue 09-Sep-14 22:30:59

I think you have to let him come to you. I would assume for now that he doesn't mean to have the children.
I regret chasing my ex for contact, it was up to him and I should have let things take their course.
He sounds very unstable

whyhasmyheadgonenumb Tue 09-Sep-14 22:34:53

Yes, i fear he may be quite unstable. He has money troubles (apparently) and he isnt from this town so i think he wants to move back to his home town 200 miles away where all of his family are. We were together 8 years so he does have friends here, hes lived here 15 years now.

OP’s posts: |
MinibirdYay Tue 09-Sep-14 22:35:02

What a horrible man. Seek out another, more positive support network so that you can still have a break every now and then and don't let this bully have any more of yours or your children's lives.

whyhasmyheadgonenumb Tue 09-Sep-14 22:37:24

I feel so horiffic for my DCs sake, they are so little and innocent. How could he do this to them, even if he doesnt mean it, how could he just not even pop in to see them when hes half a mile down the road and off work.

OP’s posts: |
cestlavielife Tue 09-Sep-14 22:54:30

Don't contact him.
He wants to kill you. Ok so you believe it was a drunken rant but just ignore.

Keep the texts get them witnessed take photos of them .

Get other support.

Kids will be fine.

Let him take it seriously or not at all. If he wants contact he has to arrange it properly get something written and agreed with a third party

cestlavielife Tue 09-Sep-14 22:55:05

Don't gave him popping in .

starlight1234 Tue 09-Sep-14 23:02:43

I agree with others. Don't chase him he knows where you are.

I do it on my own as my Ex had no real interest in my son . It is hard but does get easier with age.

whyhasmyheadgonenumb Wed 10-Sep-14 09:01:42

Should I pursue him financially? Through the maintenance wotsit via direct.gov? I can't tell anyone in RL at the mo.

OP’s posts: |
starlight1234 Wed 10-Sep-14 19:19:22

It is t your decision whether to or not but take into account.
firstly sometimes the decision to pursue maintenance can sometimes result in demanding access
Is he Self employed.. It seems self employred people have a history of hiding money to CSA.

You are entitled to this money though to support your children

theendoftheendoftheend Wed 10-Sep-14 19:23:37

I think you should report those texts to the police.

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