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Fed up with not having anyone to share the burdens with.

(961 Posts)
Solo Wed 20-Aug-14 16:46:04

Bit of a self pitying thread really, but it's taken me a very long time and I can now say with conviction that after being on my own for so long...

I am fed up with the burden of being alone.
I am fed up with struggling on my own.
I am sometimes lonely.
I have no single parent friends or single friends at all and my 'social life' ha! what a joke is visiting my widowed Mum or visiting my Brother.
I miss my Dad terribly.
I can't get a job.
Not one 'friend' has spoken to me so far this summer holiday (except one that lives on cloud fluffyland in her mansion and that really cheers me up because shopping is her passtime!).

I could write a very long list of problems and yes, I know we all have problems, but I just don't want to do it on my own any longer, I don't want to face the problems on my own sad I could cry right now and need a real 'man hug' and I don't care who knows it!

Misfitless Wed 20-Aug-14 22:48:39

Oh Solo.

Have you ever told anyone in RL how you feel? Can you?

Are you able to say where you are? I bet if you post this on your local site, with a friend request, you'll get a good response.

How old are your DCs?

If they are still quite small, it might be easier to make friends and meet people in similar situations, although I appreciate that it's more difficult when they are at high school.

Not qualified to dish out man hugs, what about a virtual mum to mum hug?

Solo Thu 21-Aug-14 00:41:27

Thanks for answering Misfitless.

No, not told anyone; doesn't seem any point. Not one of them would understand even if I did and you know when you start to say something and the person you are speaking to suddenly remembers something they want to say...they forget you were even talking, so no point in starting sad I'm usually so strong, but I just feel at the end of my very long tether.

I don't really want to make a local MN friend and be that moany old bint.

Dc's are 16 and 7. Never really see Ds these days and Dd is just Dd. I'm so much older than all her peers parents and they are almost all couples.

Virtual mum to mum hug gratefully accepted and received. Thank you.

Solo Thu 21-Aug-14 23:53:06

Back! back! I can't take all this virtual support! a bit like real life...

Aquilla Thu 21-Aug-14 23:58:49

I bet you are doing a marvellous job. It's horrible being lonely though. Have a restful sleep because to me you sound like Supermum thanks

Solo Fri 22-Aug-14 00:05:24

That's really nice of you Aquilla but Supermum I am not. I love my kids, but shout a lot. I am not the greatest mum in the world.

MonstersBalls Fri 22-Aug-14 00:19:27

It's interesting that you say not one friend has contacted you this holiday. Have you contacted them? Could you be more proactive about meetups and night outs, even if you're not madly keen at first.

How about online dating? Is that a possibility to try?

Anyway, have some thanks and a ((hug))

Solo Fri 22-Aug-14 00:28:14

I have contacted several...they are always busy with their families, which makes me feel in the way and embarrassed for asking. Made arrangements with one and she forgot, but then, she is scatty I suppose.
I get a bit 'twitchy' about trying to arrange meetups myself because I do feel like the spare part and I don't want to look needy.

Online dating?! never again! grin

((hug)) appreciated. Thank you.

thornrose Fri 22-Aug-14 00:36:47

It's bloody hard isn't it? My dd's dad died 4 years ago and it makes me feel SO responsible for everything.

I'm having a bit of a cry tonight. I made the mistake of looking at FB and seeing 2 of my lovely male cousins gushing over their dd's GCSE results.

I am so very, very happy for them but I'm ashamed to say I'm so envious. 1 that their girls have wonderful dads. 2 my dd has SEN and is unlikely to get fantastic GCSE results. 3 I'm such a bitch for being jealous. God what's wrong with me.

antimatter Fri 22-Aug-14 00:48:11

thornrose - GCSE's is only one set of numbers awarded to a child
you must know many people who are successful in life despite not getting great results
that's why I don't think much of people who show off their kids results liek that - it is enough to say - I am happy with my dd's results, because I am!

I don't know what SEN needs your dd has but I am sure there's somethign she is good at! You will build on that and she will achieve in the future becaus parental support is the most important to kids.
Ia ma lone parent, my ex is is with his gf of 4 months today instead of being with his dd who got her gcse results today. It is unfair! I feel I could be bitter about it but decided it won't spoil my enjoyment of spending time with her.

solo It is bloody hard to be a single parent, I often feel there's too much on my plate, but other days when everything is ticking I feel over the moon smile

I think it is important to remember it's OK to have better days and sad days. That is how our brain works and all we can do is let the time pass, go to sleep and usually next day is much better smile

lornemalvo Fri 22-Aug-14 00:57:35

Have you thought of asking your 16 year old or your mum to babysit so you could go to an exercise class or something or maybe even have an online date?

It sounds really really hard.

I'm very sorry about your dad.

Solo Fri 22-Aug-14 01:00:06

Thornrose I'm sorry you lost your Dd's dad; that is very hard to deal with sad .

Yes! it's the responsibility. It's being good cop, bad cop and the cop that makes the tea.
I don't know if it gets easier really. Maybe you just get used to it? I have been without a man in my life for almost 6 years and I have lived as the only adult in my household for over 17 years...I don't know that that will ever change.

My Ds got his results today. They aren't what he was hoping for and they aren't good enough for what he wants/wanted to do. He now has nowhere to go. He doesn't have sn, but he was bullied by both peers and some teachers.

It's understandable that you feel envious. I don't feel envy, I feel disappointed for Ds and I worry for his future.
Don't feel that way about yourself ~ you aren't a bitch; it's an emotion and a reaction. Don't let it take over though.

antimatter Fri 22-Aug-14 01:08:04

solo - are there any colleges you can call tomorrow?

what is it he wanted to study?

Solo Fri 22-Aug-14 01:08:27

Antimatter yes, I accept the down days. I have more of those than I let on, but I just get on with it. Just feeling more burdened atm for some reason.

Lornemalvo Ds will babysit if I ask him, albeit begrudgingly! Mum will occasionally too, but due to chronic illness, I can't go to exercise classes and I don't really do online dating anymore, so how to meet a man?
Thanks by the way; Dad has been gone for 5 years, but I miss him every minute of every day sad

thornrose Fri 22-Aug-14 01:10:02

I don't usually express such negative feelings I posted very much in the moment and already regret it!

Envy is a fleeting feeling and not very nice. Mainly it's sadness and worry and more "do you know how bloody lucky you are?" They are great girls and they worked hard but it just hurts.

I'm sorry, this isn't helping you Solo.

Solo Fri 22-Aug-14 01:10:28

He wanted economics, sociology and psychology and chemistry. His GCSE grades don't support his desires.

Solo Fri 22-Aug-14 01:11:26

No, but I hope it is helping you thornrose! smile

antimatter Fri 22-Aug-14 01:13:06

I don't know if kids can re-sit their gcse's in a different school?
Have you considered it?

I know sometimes it's hard to think about it etc but there must be something he can do to improve his grades.

Do you have choice of FE Colleges to look at?

Solo Fri 22-Aug-14 01:13:30

...and I imagine that your envy is rooted in the loss of your partner more than your cousins Dd's results. They can't possibly know your sadness can they!

Solo Fri 22-Aug-14 01:16:25

His school have a strict no resit rule, so that is out. College places require so many B's and C's. He only got one B which isn't enough. We are going to go to a local 6th form school in the morning to see if we can plead for a place. I dread to think how I'd be doing this if I was working right now.

Solo Fri 22-Aug-14 01:20:59

Not sure about re-sitting in a different school either, but he is so downhearted right now, so the thought of re-sitting them would probably have him running for the hills! He, like me is great at the practical stuff/controlled assessments etc, but exams are not great! it makes it worse that I left school in 1980 having a few CSE's, but nothing of any note. Me understanding half of what is necessary these days, I feel like I need a qualification in that too!

antimatter Fri 22-Aug-14 01:21:29

I know of many friends who had very good experience with FE Colleges, so maybe going a bit further in distance could help.

I thin FE has better experience in dealing with late developers - I guess your son may be one of them. One of my good friends (that was many years ago) left school with no O-levels, his school didn't recognize he was dyslectic, with right support he got 5A at A levels 2 years later at that FE College, went to study Sociology and Politics and then did Masters.

We are quite lucky in London with choice of schools and colleges but I can imagine it gets harder if you live further away.

Solo Fri 22-Aug-14 01:25:24

Yes, perhaps you are right, but the colleges around here don't do 'his' subjects at A level even if they'd take him with his grades.

antimatter Fri 22-Aug-14 01:26:30

your son should look into BTEC qualifications which are mostly assessment based

I looked at our local FE College and they mention C's and D's as entry requirement for most courses.
Maybe there's course he could take where they require C's and then transfer next year if he shows enough commitment?

antimatter Fri 22-Aug-14 01:27:45

does he know what he wants to do?

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