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Would you be upset by this comment?

(13 Posts)
equinox Sun 17-Aug-14 19:22:46

I work for myself at home on the laptop and have my boy aged 9 and have been raising him alone since he was 5 months. I have no family support and I have lived in this location for 6 years and have been using the same childminder.

I have been running my own business for 4 years and over school hols. have been using the same person who on the whole does a pretty good job.

On Friday my son was asked by her why I didn't have him on my own at home while I worked. I am rather perplexed why this has come up now.

Would you be unduly put out by this comment?

If I did that I would have to stimulate entertain him alongside my own work and it would be virtually impossible to get anything done. Also my son, naturally being an only child, needs to mix and get out with others as much as possible. Surely this should be obvious to a childminder, no?

She is quite happy to have him so it was probably an off the cuff comment I have no idea. I am still rather put out that something has been said at all. My son he didn't know why he couldn't be here with me while I worked. So that perhaps didn't sound too good lol but anyway he is only 9!

I also have to go out and sort things out alongside my week and it is quicker to get it all done while my boy is in the childcare e.g. supermarket and so on.

Would you be rather offended or perplexed how does it sound to you?

Like I say she has no problem with him nor does my son so not sure why this has come up out of the blue like this.

Hope you can give some insight ladies! Thank you for reading.

OP’s posts: |
fluffybunnies246 Sun 17-Aug-14 20:31:46

I'd think that she doesn't have a clue...given that her own work involves looking after children. Might be worth bringing it up with her in a friendly manner. FWIW my mother worked from home whilst I was at school. We got sent up to grans during the holidays otherwise it was either incredibly boring at home (because she had to work!) or she would end up working through the night to get stuff done! You're managing your time successfully and I expect you get to have a 'home life' rather than having to fit work into the gaps in a busy schedule.

cestlavielife Sun 17-Aug-14 22:03:04

smile and wave - she clearly has no idea.

or tell her as you are working and cant be entertaining him you need childcare. simples.

as a one off sure he can "come to work" with you occasionally but not every day it would not be fair on him.

exexpat Sun 17-Aug-14 22:06:43

Are you sure she actually asked him that, or could it possibly be that he is wondering why he has to go to the childminder while you are at home all day?

starlight1234 Mon 18-Aug-14 08:25:29

Bit bizairre to me this one. I am a childminder and a single parent though I only do the little ones. I send my 7 year old off to other activities to break up his day as it isn't much fun all day with the little ones though he does enjoy it but wouldn't 5 days a week for 6 weeks.

I wonder if it is your son getting bored there if CM has little ones? Or maybe she is struggling with the balalnce?

I would just have a word with CM see if you can get a bit deeper. I know if it was me I would rather be asked.

UniS Mon 18-Aug-14 08:29:25

At 9 he may be getting a bit old for the childminders setting. DS ranks a day at his cm below a day at sports camp or forest school. This summer I have mainly used the later two options for childcare as he has more of a "holiday".

UniS Mon 18-Aug-14 08:30:57

DS knows he can't come to work with me as there is plant moving in the yard and warehouse and it would be boring to sit on a chair in the warehouse all day with a book and tablet.

TobyZiegler Mon 18-Aug-14 08:34:42

At 9 he might be getting bored in a childminder setting. Can he really not entertain himself while you work from him in the holidays? You could set activities for him maybe? Or are there any holiday clubs nearby? What does your DC actually think of staying at a childminders?

madamemuddle Mon 18-Aug-14 08:36:57

Ignore.

She obviously has never done a job where concentration is required. I get similar comments from my Mum. She never used to understand why some departments at work didn't spend their whole day nattering and laughing. Maybe because they have to concentrate Mum.... Very difficult to read and comprehend a legal document when you have someone chattering in your ear...

Snapespotions Mon 18-Aug-14 08:41:31

My dd (also 9) would be quite capable of entertaining herself at home while I worked, and would know not to interrupt me. However, I wouldn't want that sort of existence for her all summer.

I agree that ds might be getting bored at the childminder's. Are there any other holiday activities you could use instead?

FetchezLaVache Mon 18-Aug-14 08:53:14

My set-up is similar and some people really just don't get it. There are people in my life who apparently not only don't get that it's not possible to do my job (translator, so I have to have a certain amount of focus!) with a boisterous 4 yr old around, but actually seem to think I would like to look after their children while I do it, too! Obviously, they get set straight pretty quickly. But even before I had DS, I had people who assumed I was free to chat, meet up to go shopping etc at all times. I find it rather disrespectful and belittling.

I would have a word, though, because you don't want your son getting the idea that he is being farmed out for no good reason. It's not for her to speculate (especially in front of him) on why you require the childcare you pay her to provide.

Jennifersrabbit Mon 18-Aug-14 09:08:27

I think a lot depends on the type of work you do and the temperament of your son.

DH works a lot from home in a job that needs a great deal if concentration. DS is 8, DD nearly 6. Both of them are just reaching the stage where I can leave them (separately!) quietly sitting with Daddy amusing themselves for an hour or two while I do something with the other one. But all day would be a big ask. All day every day would be a ridiculous ask!

DD is much more able to amuse herself quietly than DS which is a simple matter of temperament.

So I don't think you are being unreasonable at all to engage childcare while you do the work you need to do. But just possible your DS may be reaching an age where he could be around you and your work more independently. I'd chat to him and to the CM.

sezamcgregor Mon 18-Aug-14 14:01:19

Oh Equinox (((((hugs)))))

I'm sorry she's said that - what an odd comment to be made by someone that you're 1. PAYING 2. has seen over a number of years that you work and DS goes to her during holidays.

The only suggestion that I could make is that perhaps when he is with her, being so mature for his age, that perhaps he entertains himself a lot of the time and he could be doing that at home with you and so she does not see why you're paying for something he could be doing for free?

Perhaps next summer, work around sports clubs and local run fun activities rather than paying for a CM to have him?

HTH, Sezam xx

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