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Single mum to be with an abusive ex

(9 Posts)
kf82 Mon 11-Aug-14 12:52:10

I am 18 weeks pregnant this is my 1st baby. At the beginning the relationship with the father was great we were planning on moving in together and eventually have a family, this pregnancy was an accident. My ex got a job 5 hours away so i left my job to move with him, the whole time i was there he was a monster, treated me like muck, kept telling me to f**k off back home, elbowed me in the stomach several times the final time he had jumped into bed his full body weight landing on my side and elbowed me in the stomach resulting in me being physically sick with the pain. That was the final straw i ended up sleeping on the floor and the following day i woke up to more abuse and told to pack my stuff and start walking home, i moved back that day. Recently heard off old work friends he had told them id stolen money and some of his belongings which i didnt i wouldnt he left me in debt owing money on my credit card which i have had to find money to pay. He was caught out being filthy with other girls via facebook, snapchat and whatsapp when i moved there and as soon as id moved home he had started it all again. He has no interest in this baby, he told me to get an abortion after seeing the scan photo, i personally feel i dont want him as a role model in my babies life. Facing being a single parent is daunting but i have the support of my family. Im living at mums and im STILL jobless which is another worry as the time is ticking now im desperate to get working. My dad wants me to have no contact with him what so ever and he is now blocked from getting in touch with me. Anyone else been in a situation like this???

OP’s posts: |
OneLittleToddleTerror Mon 11-Aug-14 13:00:42

I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm glad your parents are supportive. Your dad is right and don't worry about living at home. You need someone supportive around you.

Hopefully someone with more experience with domestic abuse would come along. My first thought is there must be a charity where you can talk to their counsellors to help you move on and prepare for your new child.

kf82 Mon 11-Aug-14 13:19:21

Its been 4 weeks since ive moved home, its taken me till now to get my head around it all, and get used to the idea im going to be a single mum.
My worry is what to do if he decides to get intouch once the baby is here (i know its a long way off yet), im not planning on having his name on the certificate or his surname after everything he has done. He just left me in 1 big mess, i wouldnt trust him around my baby.
Another worry is financial help now i have left my employment for him so wont qualify for SMP i think the time is ticking for me to be able to claim MA aswell. I hate having to rely on other people i like to work for my money ive never been in a situation like this before being reliant on others.

OP’s posts: |
Sunflowersmiling Mon 11-Aug-14 20:22:50

Sorry this is a short message, just wanted to give you a hug x and say your baby is so lucky to have a mummy who has got herself away from that man...now record all the things he has done to you, if you can remember dates add them. If people witnessed injury then ask them to confirm in writing. You probably wont need it because the bloke sounds like hes no interest in baby...but if he does decide he wants to be involved you will need all the evidence to safeguard your child. Keep a diary from now on (if not already), just factual stuff. Your folks sound wonderful x good on your dad, hes the male role model your baby needs. Get some support locally too x

kf82 Mon 11-Aug-14 20:54:15

Thankyou very much, im so glad ive found this page.
I have written down a list of things i started that as soon as i got home as they were fresh in my mind BUT there are no dates i'll remember approximate dates i'll make a note of them now.
Thanks again xx

OP’s posts: |
OneLittleToddleTerror Mon 11-Aug-14 21:00:23

You might also want to try the relationship board. It is busier.

Solasum Tue 12-Aug-14 08:41:29

Hi kf. I just wanted to reassure you you are nitt alone. I have been alone the whole pregnancy and afterwards after ex decided hw didn't want to know. DS is now 8mo. It is the hardest thing I have ever done by far, but also the best. Having the support of friends and family will be invaluable. And mumsnet is also a great place ti come, there is always someone awake!

You have done brilliantly in escaping from this horrible man. I am sorry he is not who you thought he was.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and look after yourself!

starlight1234 Tue 12-Aug-14 21:31:36

Well done for getting out.

I agree with your Dad completely No contact at all.

Contact women's aid for advise.

I also would be very wary of claiming maintenance it may prevoke him into action..

greeneggsandjam Wed 13-Aug-14 00:27:34

It sounds like you are in the best place possible at the moment. You are very lucky to have your parents with you. Look at the positives and try to think of him as little as possible. Is there any money you can claim? It sounds like you are doing really well.

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