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financial support when pregnant & child support from ex support & advice please

(8 Posts)
BethsBaba Fri 27-Jun-14 23:30:53

Although me and my Ex were careful I found myself pregnant (now 13wks) something very unplanned for. I am keeping the baby and my partner after promising to stick by us had decided he wants nothing to do with me or the baby. He's bean rude and very unpleasant to me. Either ignoring me or shouting at me. He had 2 children from a previous relationship who he not only pays child support for but also on top of that pays for every expense related to school/ nursery including fees, lunch and clothing as well as things such as ballet classes. I have had a complicated pregnancy and have lost my job and am now claiming benefits sad. We just had a conversation where he has told me he will only be paying £6 a week in support and if i put him on the birth certificate he will make everyone far more difficult for me. I want to write him an email asking him for reasonable support through pregnancy (travel expenses to hospital and buying all needed for baby pram etc...) and also reasonable support once the baby is born. The problem is I'm emotionally broken by how he's reacting and and know no matter how hard I try what ever i write will be emotionaly loaded. Could anyone advice me on what to write and if anyone thinks it's reasonable for me to ask for financial support from now on in some way? All help and advice is more than welcome. Thank you.

expatinscotland Fri 27-Jun-14 23:52:43

Don't bother, go to CAB and sic the child support agency on him.

He doesn't get to dictate what he pays.

He needs to get a vasectomymifmhe doesn't want anymore kids.

BethsBaba Fri 27-Jun-14 23:56:48

expatinscotland Thanks smile wondering will that get me financial support through out the pregnancy? Or will it just be something that drags out for months after baby is born?

almosthuman Sat 28-Jun-14 09:43:24

I don't believe that you would be eligible for any financial support whilst pregnant only after the baby is born.

Be aware that the CSA is changing and the darling government are encouraging parents to come to a mutual agreement regarding maintenance. Soon anyone wishing to use the agency will have to pay for the service.

I don't think that you can put his name on the birth certificate without him present unless you are married.

revealall Sat 28-Jun-14 12:42:06

If he isn't interested in you and the baby there is nothing you can do. The CSA will be there to assist with him paying towards the baby once it is born. The rest will be down to you.
There is a lot to be said for doing it alone. It's very much easier to make your new life. You have your own money to manage and don't need to justify spending to him.
Less drama.
If you are on certain benefits you get a grant towards baby costs I believe? I did but this might have changed. Money may be tight but they don't have to have new everything. In fact new baby stuff is the biggest waste of money ever IMO. Ask on Facebook or whatever and see what you get.
Sorry you are having a tough time with the pregnancy.

Pinkballoon Sat 28-Jun-14 13:31:03

Go to the CSA as soon as possible after the baby is born as it can take them a number of months to get an application started, and you will only be paid from the date that they start work on your application. Might be a good idea to get the forms filled in now, and get someone to post them on the day! I jest not! Also get the tax credits and Child Benefit forms filled in and ready to post. You should get help with the nursery costs from tax credits if you return to work. Otherwise, you'll just get the basic child element.

If he pays for the other 2 children through the CSA, then the CSA will say that he pays 25% of his salary for all three children, and then you will get a third of that for your child (8.3% of his income.) Ignore all his rantings. He's just realising how much he now has to pay out.

You won't be entitled to any pregnancy related costs from him. I think if you are on benefits, there may be some kind of maternity grant to cover some of the costs?? Not sure if that's still going. But worth asking.

fedupbutfine Sat 28-Jun-14 15:03:07

There is no legal requirement to support a pregnant woman. You are jointly responsible for the needs of the baby but for him that starts only when the baby is born and the CSA is the only agency that will enforce that for you. They are slow and inefficient so don't count on money for at least 6 months, longer if he is self employed or if he is able to dodge them.

As you are not married, he will need to be present to sign the birth registry and be on the birth certificate. Assuming he doesn't turn up to sign, you can still apply to the CSA so he won't avoid his financial responsibilities in that way.

You need to start thinking independently and working out how you're going to build a life for yourself and the baby - having a young child as a single parent is quite advantageous as there is no requirement to work until the child is 5. This gives you plenty of opportunity to look at training/retraining and education to get yourself in a better position for the future. My ex walked out on me leaving me with 2 toddlers and a baby on the way - it's taken me 6 years to get there but there is no way any man could ever ruin my life in that way ever again! Just be positive and think future.

Loletta Sat 28-Jun-14 15:11:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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