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Sending dd to ex and his Trollope

(6 Posts)
GEM33 Thu 19-Jun-14 00:45:34

It's 6 months down the line since he left. To be honest he doesn't want her much anyway but every time he takes dd now 2.5 makes me shake and feel sick and I actually do vomit with stress.
I am extremely close to my dd. he left me for this girl 11 years younger and no kids. He left his ex when his son was 2 for someone else (not me I came many years later).
I feel raw and emotional about everything. He hasn't been supportive and has been vindictive and horrid as have his family.
I just feel overwhelmed tonight. He wants to take her to this sluts house tomorrow night for a bit and bring dd back at 7. How stupid. She ll probably fall asleep in his car on the way there or back. Why does he have to take her there and so late. She needs a bath at 7. It's going to mess up her routine.
I'm just reeling that this isn't just a one off but I am stuck with him forever. I have no choice but to send my precious child off to that evil bastard and his slut because every child deserves to have that relationship with their parents. I know that but I just feel sick absolutely sick that he is making this girl so involved in our dd. I can't stop crying. I won't sleep tonight and I've got a headache and my stomach is churning. I can't bear it. How can I cope with this forever? I know as she gets older it may get easier but I just want him to go away forever I never want to see him or speak to him again :-( I'm so low.

MargotThreadbetter Thu 19-Jun-14 07:56:26

Handhold and hug.
It's horrible and there's very little you can do about it unfortunately. I had the same thing, only my ex pissed off to live with OW and her kid when my baby was 12 weeks old and was demanding I send him to them. Yeah, right hmm
But he's now nearly 2 and does stay with them occasionally, and I still hate it, but it does get easier.
Plan some time for yourself, go out with friends, distract yourself.
Your daughter will be fine.

IndiansInTheLobby Thu 19-Jun-14 08:07:41

I hate my son going to stay over at his dads, as does ds but I just have to put up with it and pretend it's a great idea. You have all my sympathies.

Ex's girlfriend is a ridiculous person! She posts on Facebook all the time about the amazing father ex is. This could not be further from the truth. She even made him a Fathers Day card for the purpose of displaying on Facebook (I'm not on it but my friend is still friends with him and showed me) with pictures of ds all over it. This The man who couldn't be arsed to actually come over and collect the card his son had actually made. The man who fails maintenance and cancels constantly. All the time I have to keep quiet and remain fucking supportive towards my sons relationship with his dad.

My son is also 2 1/2 OP and he's my world. I feel like my heart is being stamped on whenever he leaves me. You have all my sympathies.

cestlavielife Thu 19-Jun-14 14:36:05

you need to get a handle on your stress - it doesn't help you or son however much justified.
ask gp to refer you to counsellor or go to a divorced and separated course or workshop. it wont go away. he wont go away. his new gf may or may not go away.

you can and will cope. for ds sake.
find a way through it for your won sake because your ex, his gf don't care about how you think and it just destroys you for no gain.

nomoretether Thu 19-Jun-14 14:50:55

I remember feeling similar after my exH moved his girlfriend in, who he'd managed to get pregnant within a matter of weeks.

I agree with cestlavie though - you need to get a handle on this. Your little boy will be picking up on your emotions and that isn't fair for him. I'm sure your feelings are absolutely justified and you deserve to have someone who you can process them with. I didn't have a great relationship with my family and my friends just didn't understand so I saw a counsellor and that was so helpful. My self esteem was truly in tatters before I saw her and I didn't think I'd ever recover, but I did smile

GEM33 Thu 19-Jun-14 19:44:43

Thank you for all your support. I'm having counselling. I've not been able to go for a few weeks (I'm going next week though) it does help.
It doesn't help that we are still battling out finances and house through solicitors and he's being so unreasonable etc

I do agree that I'm making myself ill and they don't give a damn and it's just me losing out and like you say my daughter will pick up on it (I'm really trying not to let her see or hear but kids pick things up don't they !)

Thanks all xx

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