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what is co parenting? do you co-parent?

(12 Posts)
curlygiraffe Sun 15-Jun-14 22:12:41

Recently I had a shitty discussion with ex mil. She kept referring to ex and I as 'co parents'. I've looked up about it on Google and most articles suggest it's where parents share responsibility equally, 50:50 residence etc.

I'm not sure what I am, as since ex and I split I've always had residence (got this in writing), ex visits dc every Sunday for the day. Whilst the contact is important and ex has equal rights as a parent, I do most of the care, day to day parenting, feed, clothe, provide a home for dc.

I don't think this makes me a co parent, I'm not sure the right term, other than that I have residence. What do you consider yourself?

BigPigLittlePig Sun 15-Jun-14 22:22:24

I always thought it meant more along the lines of "different houses but same parenting methods", as opposed to "different house, different rules".

Happybeard Sun 15-Jun-14 22:29:34

Yeah I think co parenting is when you parent (ie make decisions) together and in line with one another. Parallel parenting is when you take the different houses, different rules view.

BigPigLittlePig Sun 15-Jun-14 22:38:16

After being undermined a hundred a few times too many, we are definitely of the parallel variety now!

Happybeard Mon 16-Jun-14 06:41:46

Ah then you can correct mummy dearest next time she sticks her beak in wink

curlygiraffe Mon 16-Jun-14 13:18:27

Thanks, it seems a good idea to agree boundaries with dc etc, I shall certainly let ExP mummy dearest know her assumption is not quite right though ;-)

nomoretether Mon 16-Jun-14 13:34:15

If you are generally in agreement on how to raise your children, you're co-parenting. It's considered to be the best way as it means there's little to no conflict between you as parents and the children get a consistent message.

My exH and I go through periods where we co-parent effectively and then sometimes we have to switch to parallel parenting as we just can't communicate (he has a narcissistic way of relating and I refuse to be bullied!).

DH tries to co-parent with his exW but has recently taken the decision to parallel parent, taking into account her wishes as far as possible, as she tries to control every tiny thing he does, which isn't realistic.

At the end of the day, it's just a label and parenting rarely fits neatly into any sort of category. The main thing is that conflict is kept to a minimum so the children aren't impacted negatively.

Lonecatwithkitten Mon 16-Jun-14 17:03:04

In abscence of a court order you are thought to co-parent it doesn't mean you are doing equal amounts just that you are both involved.

Minime85 Mon 16-Jun-14 19:12:25

I think it means trying to parent as you did before but in different houses so sharing homework, discipline, parents evening etc and sharing key things about the dcs. So if they really hurt themselves or are going through a particular challenging time I let ex know and we agree in how to deal with it. I do think I take the lead on most things but this is how we parented before anyway. I wouldn't make a school decision or decision about an activity etc without saying to him we are doing this or what do u think about that (the wording would depend on my mood I think!)

nomoretether Mon 16-Jun-14 19:57:03

Co-parenting has got nothing to do with having a court order or not unless the order says one parent has no contact. CAFCASS actively encourage parents going through the court process to co-parent.

ICanHearYou Thu 19-Jun-14 21:13:20

We co-parent. He comes and sees the children here 3 nights a week and I go out to work. He gets up with them 3 mornings a week and does all that.

we try and spend some time out of the house as a family as we think that is what is most normal for the children.

We definitely co-parent and I hope we continue to do so for many years.

lostdad Fri 20-Jun-14 12:13:09

People often get hung up on labels. It's why the law changed recently.

As a McKenzie Friend I get (well...until they changed the law) people insisting they wanted to be the `resident parent'...without knowing what it entailed or indeed what it meant.

In my own situation I am pretty sure my son's mother sees herself as the `main parent'. I don't care. She can think what she likes. I'm his parent as much as she is and that's the end of it.

It's a free country!

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