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Has anyone left a job they love due to not coping?

(18 Posts)
umbrellabird Thu 12-Jun-14 08:27:00

I am completely exhausted with headaches every day. I am becoming addicted to painkillers and just falling into bed as soon as I get home.
My children are seeing such a decline in their usually bright bubbly mother, its so sad. I miss baking and playing and being healthy!
I know it is all due to stress, and that if I just had a few months to rest and get my mojo back I could come right. Any thoughts, tips, wisdom..on single-motherhood?

bibliomania Thu 12-Jun-14 09:28:05

Oh umbrella, I'm sorry things are so tough. Something has to give, but I would be very slow to give up a job you love. Is there anything else that you can cut back on instead?

Have you any annual leave due to you? Any chance of taking a few days now when the children are at school so you can just focus on looking after yourself, at least during the day? Rest first, and then take some time to reflect on any strategies you might be able to put in place.

I'm always reluctant to advise a long-term solution (leaving a beloved job) to what may be a shorter-term problem. It can be really hard to get back to where you were workwise. I didn't choose to leave but was pushed out of a job, and four years later, I'm still not back where I was salary-wise.

Actifizz Thu 12-Jun-14 09:43:59

Am sorry things are so crap right now.
There are many days when I struggle to keep all the balls in the air but I do think that not working would ultimately make things worse for me financially and leave me cut off from the social aspect of work.
Am assuming you've thought about taking some time off ? Am sure a sympathetic GP would support you in taking time off with stress.
Just to sleep and recharge ?

cestlavielife Thu 12-Jun-14 10:00:12

speak to gp and hr.
maybe go less hours .

umbrellabird Fri 13-Jun-14 07:35:27

Oh ladies thank you for your lovely messages, I am probably in a different time zone from you but your thoughts and words are so helpful.
Yes I could probably get some stress leave but I really do think the long commute is killing me and the kids. And my bosses are not that sympathetic. I don't know. In this state of mind even small decisions seem huge. I just want to rest. So badly. I am totally out of energy.

antimatter Fri 13-Jun-14 08:14:17

I felt like that many times. I also have long commute to work but can't imagine not working.
How old are your kids?
How long is your commute?

Mine are 14 and 16 but they were 12 and 14 when I started the current job. THey had to overnight learn to get themselves to school in the morning. I got job offer on Wed and started the following Monday.

Can you oursource cleaning?
Do your kids spend any time with their father?
I sometime feel if my job was more stressful ex would need to spend one evening midweek with them and I would stay locally in a hotel to catch up with my sleep/work.
I set off at 4:30AM, start work at 5:30. I am home by 4 PM but need to be asleep by 9 to be able to concentrate next day at work.
It's tough!

threedaystogo Fri 13-Jun-14 15:39:43

Earlier this year I left a job I enjoyed, because I was completely unable to cope with the hours/pressure of it as well as looking after my DCs (one of whom has special needs.) Something had to give and I decided it was best to quit work rather than end up with mental/health problems.

Two weeks later, a company I used to work for approached me asking if I had any spare capacity. I am now working for them, very part-time, which is perfect.

Can you look for a part-time role? For me it's the best of both worlds - keeps my skills up-to-date, but allows me time to rest/recuperate too.

revealall Fri 13-Jun-14 17:08:20

The main problem with work as a single parent is that you have to do it at every stage of your child's life and there are issues with all of them.

I had to leave my job because it didn't pay ( despite having 3 of them) and went to Uni. Now that I no longer have to pay/ race to nursery and my Ds can walk to school things are much easier. Money is tight but because I have more flexibility at home I feel I can cope. No battles over dressing or feeding fine example.

I'd say if it's too hard, find son etching else for a year or two and you may find it easier to cope once their older.

Meglet Sun 15-Jun-14 13:18:51

I would love to. I work 18hrs but would love to just stop and concentrate on the dc's, the house and my OU work.

The poor DC's have a shouty, stressed mum who is hanging on by a thread. But I can't stop because I have a mortgage, so at least that'll be paid off when they're older and I should have some kind of pension <<looks on the bright side>>. I just dread to think what state we'll all be in by then.

umbrellabird Mon 16-Jun-14 10:23:05

I know exactly how you feel Meglet. I can cope with exhaustion but the headaches are getting so bad, I am in such pain at work, tears are usually streaming down my face on the train home, and this is so not me.
I have a mortgage as well and am so worried and I absolutely hate being the 'sick person' at work. I am usually so strong and sensible but I am at my wits end. I feel I will be bedridden in a few days if I carry on as I am. Stress leave is an option but Im afraid the problems of a long commute and the pressure to get home in time each day will still be there. :-(

Lonecatwithkitten Mon 16-Jun-14 12:08:41

One really practical thing I would do is to take a long hard look at what you drink. Often I start to blame stress and then realise all I am drinking all day is coffee and tea. Uping my water intake helps the headaches and increased use to toilet also gives me two minutes every so often to compose my thoughts.
Also break home and work into lists of what must be done and what would be nice to do. Ticking things off the lists gives me a sense of achievement and I achieve more as I am more directed in my actions.
Yesterdays list at home was
Buy Food
Do washing
Clean my bedroom
Change water filter
Descale coffee machine
Dehead flowers
Mow lawn
I didn't get the last two done, but we'll live.
I then take one night off per week to do my thing ( I also work nights and weekends) I sing in a choir this is my time and virtually nothing is allowed to intrude.
Finally two years ago I was like you and went to my doctor and it turned out I had a medical condition that was making me tired so you need to get a check up with your doctor too. I see mine every so often she tells me off often for doing to much, every so often she tells me I need to just take 24 hour away from work.
I should add I run my own business employing 17 staff providing a 24\7 emergency service so it is high stress all th time.

umbrellabird Thu 19-Jun-14 00:47:06

Thank you Lonecat. As of today I am on stress leave. And yes you are so right. Caffiene has gone apart from one small cup in the mornings. I get up early and usually sit outside so it is more 'my quiet time' than anything. Have changed to chai if I am at a café and water all day.
I don't know what next, but I feel like I should be closer to home and I should pursue my own work a lot more. I need to slow things down, go to yoga, breathe and be myself again. I was so determined to prove to the world that I could and would cope on my own that I forgot all the important things. I've also realised in the last few days that everyone needs to take responsibility for their own health. Noone is going to say 'hey you are working too hard, take a break' but me.
I can't tell you how wonderful it was to cook breakfast for the children this morning and walk them to school. I am on one-day-at-a-time for a month and hopefully will come up with a solution that suits us all. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom.

ThatVikRinA22 Thu 19-Jun-14 00:56:28

i very nearly left my job last year - a job that had taken blood sweat and tears to get, and a 2 year recruitment process.

i just lost it. i felt unable to cope and i lost every shred of confidence i had.

i m now so glad i didnt leave....

what i did was see my gp. she signed me off (after 6 months of arguing that i didnt need signing off) and i started medication to help with my anxiety and depression which were major factors and i dropped one 10 hour shift - because i work shifts it made a huge huge difference. i now work 5 on and get 5 off.

dont throw in the towel just yet if you feel in your gut that you want that job....

see your gp.
take a break and get rested.
maybe try to lose some hours

do what you need to do and reassess.

antimatter Thu 19-Jun-14 07:35:34

Change in a diet may also help. Are you supporting yourself by eating snacks if you are tired or stressed?

Meglet Thu 19-Jun-14 07:40:00

vicar it's great to here things are better for you now smile. Not that I spend too much time on MN, oh no.....

ThatVikRinA22 Thu 19-Jun-14 23:17:45

thank you meglet thanks

outtheothersidefinally Sun 29-Jun-14 16:07:52

How are you feeling now OP? I'm in a similar position...

scottishlassy Mon 07-Jul-14 21:02:37

Outtheothersidefinally - me too. It's such a shock to the system all the changes single life brings. But you just keep going, then life seems to settle and that's when it gets tough. The toughness is interfering with my ability at work and GP not been most helpful. I feel like I've been keeping my head above water for so long I am tired out and can't keep swimming.....

How are you OP?

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