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What's good is being promoted, how about what's absolutely shit?

(198 Posts)
fatedtopretend Sat 26-Apr-14 00:37:39

There are loads of threads saying "it's hard being a single parent, but it's sooooo worth it" etc.
I want one that is blunt and honest and pissed off when it needs to be.

I'll start.

Tonight I want to be dressed up with my best "fuck me" outfit on. I want bottles of corona and tequila shots and mad, sweaty, horrible sex when we get in. Instead I am watching house alone. Nothing wrong with house but I just feel sad.

superstarheartbreaker Sat 26-Apr-14 14:32:21

I'd like regular hugs and someone to ask how my day went... And fantastic sex.

Dwerf Sat 26-Apr-14 14:40:33

hugs and sex too. christ, even humdrum mediocre sex.
someone else to say "hey, why don't we go/do x today?" and organise it.

Theincidental Sat 26-Apr-14 14:47:26

All of the above and...

This morning for the first time in a millennia, my Ds slept in and I got up, had coffee and read a book by myself. Twas bliss.

I really wanted to go for a walk/run and just zip out the door to do the food shop, but that can never happen.

Ho hum.

Lioninthesun Sat 26-Apr-14 14:59:50

I'd really like parents whose partners are on a stag do for a weekend to stop going on about 'how easy being a single parent is' hmm

I'd like people to realise I'm happy on my own (bar odd shag) and am not to be pitied. Save that for the couples who are pretending every day of their lives to be happy with the mediocre 'catch' they ended up with.

I'd like not to get a call from CSA every month to say they have finally managed to get payment from ex after his dd bounced. I would rather they didn't bother reminding me what a dick he is. CSA get more out of him in admin charges every time he does it and it is galling how he can somehow afford that but not extra £ for DD. He'd literally rather give it to a stranger and after 5 months doesn't seem to be in any rush to change it.

I'd also like someone else to be as heart-swellingly proud of DD as I am.

lightsaber Sat 26-Apr-14 15:42:10

I'd like to feel a human touch other than that by a small person. A pat on the back, a peck on the cheek, an arm around the shoulder, a leg against another on the settee, brushing past when you walk by, a scratch on the back, removal of a spliter.... anything to make me feel less isolated. Having said that though, I value it all the more from my children.

misstiredbuthappy Sat 26-Apr-14 16:55:10

I would like to feel like ive got a LIFE you know be able to go out with friends have someone ... anyone to talk to at night. Realy feel like I just drift along if you see what I mean. Go to work look after dd clean put dd to bed an sit on my own for hours every night. And I realy cant see it changing. Anbody else feel like this ? pleasetellmeimnotlooseingmymind

Lioninthesun Sat 26-Apr-14 17:25:59

I think a lot of people in couples feel like they don't have a life too! I'd rather be mum to DD than sat in watching series on TV every evening with no purpose next to someone who I have no desire to have conversation with I save that for my alone time when she is in bed and I get P&Q!

twothousandandfourteen Sat 26-Apr-14 18:06:47

misstiredbuthappy - totally understand!
It's the lack of spontaneity that most bothers me and not for anything exciting either. A quick drink out becomes having to check various people for babysitting favours, whereas in a couple you can just do it, ditto - popping out for milk, bread, supermarket shop, to do exercise.
And the long boring evenings....!

Theincidental Sat 26-Apr-14 18:13:53

I don't mind the evenings as I'm generally knackered and by the time I've tidied up, made lunch boxes, cooked and eaten my own dinner and generally got ready for the next day, it's about 8.30 and I'm off to bed by ten!

I'm on a mission to read more at the moment and want to go back to studying and that short evening time is perfect for it.

What I crave more than anything is a few hours on a weekend to just go potter on my own during daylight hours - swim, run, have coffee by myself or whatever, but it never ever happens.

And I'd dearly love a pint after work with friends!

Lioninthesun Sat 26-Apr-14 18:40:36

Oh yes to the popping out to the shops. It's a nightmare when you realise the friend who popped over for tea that evening made the cup with the last of the milk and you have none for breakfast, for example. I think couples don't realise that can actually really be an issue especially with a toddler who is looking to pick a fight in the mornings!

misstiredbuthappy Sat 26-Apr-14 19:27:55

Yes twothousandandfourteen IF(very big if) my mum will babysit it has to be planned out weeks in advance due to mums work commitments. When I say to my friends do you fancy a night out in 3 or 4 weeks ? they look at me like ive lost my marbles. They can just go out whenever dont need to forward plan. I can never be like ooh yeah realy feel like going out tonight !. Selsfish of me realy but we all like a moan lol.

sillymillyb Sat 26-Apr-14 21:39:45

I want someone else to talk to who isn't 2 and only interested in thomas the tank. To be able to plan, worry, figure stuff out with someone.

I also want sex, and a social life, an to be able to nip out the house without it being a military operation involving favours and forward planning.

The thread on why being a single parent rocks is pissing me off at the moment, it takes every inch of my willpower not to write that it doesn't rock, that it's fucking shit at times and that whilst I'm doing the best I can, it would be infinitely easier with 2 people who gave a damn.

fatedtopretend Sat 26-Apr-14 21:52:53

Tonight I have given up and am in bed already having a cry to myself.

Single parenting is hard. I am tired.

Ihavemyownname Sat 26-Apr-14 22:07:51

Someone to talk to.
To be able to just go out if I wanted to not that anybody asks anymore.
To not be the person that tells him off all the time because there's less chance if him being able to do stuff
Time properly on my own

Currently being a single parent sucks ds has a language delay and being assessed for his quirks I'm trying to manage appointments along with groups and courses and day to day stuff and work and ds + quirks = just about surviving

Solasum Sat 26-Apr-14 22:14:15

Being worried about finances. Everything is ok at the moment and work have been great, but it is a fine line and it would not take much to sink our little ship :s

LavenderGreen14 Sat 26-Apr-14 22:16:55

A bit of support and someone to make me a cup of tea every now and then - not too much to ask is it?

Smo2 Sat 26-Apr-14 22:18:22

I want to have a lie in.....just one great big dirty lie in until 2pm.....

That is all....

Solasum Sat 26-Apr-14 22:22:09

Smo I'd settle for a lie-in until 8am at the moment

Theincidental Sat 26-Apr-14 22:22:46

I agree silly milly. That thread makes me cross too.

Single parents get pulverised by our shitty government and the utter failure of the csa to enforce jack shit. Wish there a campaign to help or change or pressurise the main parties and the law instead of trite bollocks about how wonderful we all must be in such adversity... Yada yada.

Apologies for negativity but I am so sick of nothing being done to improve ours and our families' quality of life, except for what we fight tooth and nail for ourselves.

Thecircle Sat 26-Apr-14 22:30:52

On the whole I love being a single parent having left an emotionally abusive ex.

I rarely go out, never have really so what I find difficult is the guilt, the anxiety and the never ending financial struggle.

I've just increased my hours at work, ds has taken to waking up at 5am since clocks changed so this weekend I've been tired and we've not done a thing really.

Now ds is at his dads for the night and I miss him and feel guilty for being tired and ratty. I'm sure I wouldn't feel as bad if I were one half of a partnership.

That said, I'm a million per cent happier now than I was when I was with ex, as is ds I think

Lesmacarons Sat 26-Apr-14 23:16:04

I've done it both ways and I do know the pros and cons of both sides - but, honestly, I am just about to plunge back in to single parentdom again and I'd say the difference is slow death versus insecurity.

I'd take the latter over the slow death anyday - honestly.

If the relationship breaks down or the partner is not the right thing- then the simple answer is - it is going to be a bit shit either way...

I didn't find single parentdom massively liberating - but I did find more pros and I was definitely happier.

HerrenaHarridan Sun 27-Apr-14 00:34:40

Tis all things it all people.

Generally I find the day in day out proof that I am coping rather well actually be reassuring/ liberating/empowering
Sometimes I feel the weight of my impending court case v stbxh and dds upcoming surgery abs the decisions that must be made surrounding it and really wish I could share the load with a loving partner.

Mostly I would just like a single parent house share or similar so that I can nip to the bloody shop sometimes grin

twothousandandfourteen Sun 27-Apr-14 12:13:32

whilst i am glad it is being recognised that out Children can turn out ok, i think this is probably a reflection of Single parents self sacrifice. i Don't want to be a martyr but sometimes Feel i am putting my needs last Most of the Time in order to keep the whole Show on the road.
and another thing i hate - having to drag both kids to the other childs Events and activities. 2 parent families can have 1 parent Stay home with the other child.

RaspberryBeret34 Sun 27-Apr-14 15:17:08

It is a small thing but I miss just having someone else to do things with DS and me - just being able to pop to softplay or something and be able to go to the loo/get drinks etc knowing there was someone else to look after DS.

I'd love to be able to text someone to get some wine milk on their way home.

I wish I didn't have to worry about whether I"ll be able to have another child or whether I should have one or whether I want to have one! I wish everyone I know didn't keep saying they think I should have another child, as if that helps me in any way at all.

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