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Having trouble coping with being a lone parent

(6 Posts)
mrsbun81 Thu 24-Apr-14 22:15:27

I've just split from my partner of 2 and a half years, we have a 9 month old DS. It's been a really messy breakup, it was an abusive relationship, emotionally & physically and things came to a head a couple of weeks ago when he hit me in front of my son. I left and went to a hotel and he then told his solicitor that I was threatening to take DS abroad so served me with a notice from the high court. I've managed to get that cancelled now and he's moved out of our flat but I can't bear to go back there so I'm staying with a friend until next week when I can move into a new flat.

Basically, I'm in turmoil. Can't stop crying, still thinking that I'm in love with him and miss him terribly. Can't bear the thought of being on my own with such a young baby and don't know if I can cope with it all. I'm trying desperately to stay strong for my DS but it's all getting too much.

Foxy800 Fri 25-Apr-14 07:33:35

Firstly huge hugs and secondly it does get easier. Just take it one day at a time and call on any support you can.xx

17leftfeet Fri 25-Apr-14 07:46:10

It definitely gets easier and once you are in your own place you will start to feel more settled

It's very early days, you've been through a lot -try not to put so much pressure on yourself

mrsbun81 Fri 25-Apr-14 12:13:09

Thanks ladies
What doesn't help is that I'm 7 years older than my ex, he's still in his mid 20's and during our breakup he's told me that I'm old and dried up and ageing badly and that I'll never find anyone. I know he's just being cruel but I can't help starting to believe it and losing any hope of ever meeting anyone again.

feathermucker Fri 25-Apr-14 12:30:56

Do not go back, please, please don't!!! sad

You can do this, you really can.

If you contact Women's Aid, they'll arrange to get you on a course to help you move past this, although that may take time.

Maybe join some local toddler groups?

Hold your head up and ignore him and his comments; he is being hideous and nasty.

Remember, you CAN do this - keep posting xxx

Lioninthesun Fri 25-Apr-14 12:37:15

Ah don't listen to anything your ex says now - you are both angry and hurting. My ex told me I'd end up with a fat bald guy (no apparent reason, he must have thought I had low standards having picked him - at the time I though I'd rather have a big fat hairy ape as long as he was kind!). It does get easier but it does take a lot of time. There are so many challenges with a new baby and you will want to share things with him about the child.

At the moment however, just try to do one thing at a time. Prioritise what is important to you to get you feeling better. Sort out maintenance with CSA if not done already, think about contact with ex and child - would a contact centre be better than seeing him face to face?

FWIW I've had a couple of relationships since DD's father and they were fine for a bit, but I found I just didn't have time for them. I don't equate a man with happiness and am lucky that I am financially OK on my own. For me a man is like having another child and at the moment my actual child comes first. If you can focus on the two of you for a bit, find fun things to do together to build the kind of family you want, then I think you may find this in time too. Of course we all have off days where we'd like a hug/shag/man with power tools but as long as you look after yourself and be kind to yourself, these times will be few and far between.

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