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Can I just ignore ex in the hopes he gets the hint??

(8 Posts)
Mofo2610 Wed 23-Apr-14 23:46:10

So I have 2 DS (7&5) with my ex. Split after 5 yrs together as he was a bloody joke.

Basically he swans in and out of the DS lives constantly, and by swan I mean 3 months finding himself (partying) abroad. And now relocating to another country (which I found out on FB first). I've constantly pushed for him to see his kids and support them but this time I can't be arsed. I've explained to the DS about his possibly not returning and the eldest is fuming and the youngest doesn't care.

He keeps messaging to Skype the boys and I'd ignored him until he sent me a message filled with stuff id told his SM, which he'd just twisted. But now I'm back to ignoring him again.

I know I'll have to deal with it if he comes back to the uk, but the DS don't want to talk to him (I've made it clear to him) so can I just ignore him and stop feeling like the bad parent for a change?

Malificentmaud Thu 24-Apr-14 08:07:44

What a twat!!!

You could ignore him. But imagine a scenario where he comes back in the scene in a few years and tells your kids he wanted to be a part of their lives but you ignored him and denied it.. They will ask you why they don't have a relationship with their dad, whether they care now or not, and you need cast iron proof that it is because of him, not you.

My advice is to grit your teeth and bare it.

JumpingJackSprat Thu 24-Apr-14 08:23:10

What possible benefit is there to your kids to stop them skyping? Is it them that doesn't want to speak to him or is it you that just wants him out of the picture?

Cupid5tunt Thu 24-Apr-14 09:12:32

How long do you seriously think he would keep up the Skype sessions given his previous piss poor failed attempts at contact? Let the Skype sessions happen and let him dig a hole for himself. On the off chance that he keeps the Skype sessions up it might actually be good for your kids and become something they look forward to.

As a PP said, don't be in a position that he can try and shift the blame in years to come. Is there any other reason you are reluctant to let this go ahead?

Mofo2610 Thu 24-Apr-14 10:01:36

Up to him deciding to tell me he's applying for a visa I've had no problem with them skyping, when he could've arsed (about 4 times in the 3 months he's been gone, all lasting 5 minutes). My issue with him skyping them now is that he wants to put his side across to them, which will mean him telling them they'll be able to go for holidays and others promises that he never keeps. I've explained in the most neutral way possible about him possibly not coming back and they understand. He will just use it as a way to ease his guilt. But the boys currently don't want to speak to him, my eldest is extremely mad at him for lying about coming home next month

Cupid5tunt Thu 24-Apr-14 10:27:42

I can understand that it must be hard when someone promises something on that scale and repeatedly lets them down.

I honestly don't know what the right thing to do is OP.

LyndaCartersBigPants Thu 24-Apr-14 10:38:24

Then I'd let him skype them and let your eldest tell him either verbally, or with a sulky face and lack of interaction, just how unimpressed he is.

Warn your dcs about the likely promises and to take them with a pinch of salt and let him get it out of his system so that you and your dcs will always know that you didn't stand in the way of a loving relationship with their dad, he did.

I too would take Lynda's approach personally.

I'd warn your children, let them skype and see what happens. Then from there on in I would offer your children the opportunity to skype when ex wants to, but not push them into it

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