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father walked away

(15 Posts)
pinklady1107 Wed 23-Apr-14 07:30:09

How do you deal with it?
I'm furious, there's even a court order and he just won't bother. am driving myself mad literally sad

Cupid5tunt Wed 23-Apr-14 08:29:13

I always tried to look at the positives. Your child won't have to deal with someone in their life who is meant to love them and care about them and put them above everything else and doesn't/won't/can't because of their own selfishness.

You don't have to deal with an idiot ex who will let you and your child down at every turn.

Whilst you have to make all the tough parenting decisions and do the hard work you are the one that also get's the reap the benefits and be there first hand to witness your child growing up and becoming their own little person. Every time they do anything that makes you proud you know you are the driving force behind them every step of the way.

It's hard but you have to try and detach. He isn't worth your worry, anger, heartache. If he can turn his back on his own child he isn't worth anything.

You on the other hand are everything to a little kid who will love you no matter what. That in itself makes everything else worth it.

simplesal70 Wed 23-Apr-14 08:31:50

Hi, It is frustrating but you'll have to inform your solicitor and let the courts deal with him. My ex ignored court orders regarding the children. some men think they are above the law. Try not to get stressed over it, let the law take it's course. It may take a long time but you will get there. Stay strong, don't give up.

pinklady1107 Wed 23-Apr-14 09:08:56

thank you for your replies, I'm in the early stages of this anger and its only been a few months, but before that he was seeing them every week nearly and ill be honest I just don't get it.

I looked at my dds today and thought your missing this, really missing it and I feel sadness and anger sad

its the old cliche - new woman. very sad.

Cupid5tunt Wed 23-Apr-14 09:11:07

How old are your daughters?

pinklady1107 Wed 23-Apr-14 09:14:43

10 and 8, so real tender impressionable ages . they have been very effected by this

starlight1234 Wed 23-Apr-14 09:25:18

I think in some ways it is harder when they are older...Esp as they have had a relationship with him...Has he said why he doesn't want to know anymore...
I think getting your feelings out even if you post them here...I can only say for me life although hard for my son to understand ( he was 3 when Dad stopped seeing him) it was much easier for myself and son... .

How are your daughters coping with it?

pinklady1107 Wed 23-Apr-14 09:39:41

I'm not finding it easier, I'm finding it harder, I find it disgusting that someone can just walk away from two children and not look back, what gives him the right?

He doesn't want to know because, the old cliche, new woman new baby. It makes me sick because of all things I thought he'd never do that was one of them. She has actually emailed me to say she doesn't trust my dc around her baby (unborn as yet) and that he should just see them for a few hours every saturday!!!! WTF. She has met them 6/7 times and has known him 9 months. My dc are lovely, my eldest adores babies and is a real lovely child.

the real reason is she doesn't want the hassle of my two, she has made that clear right from day 1, she has literally made them so uncomfortable it hurts.

There is a court order in place, but as with all these things if I dont comply I'm in trouble, if he doesn't the courts just shrug their shoulders.

whatadrama Wed 23-Apr-14 09:45:12

Did your Ex have to pursue access via the court hence the Court order?

Lioninthesun Wed 23-Apr-14 09:46:09

OP he sounds like an arse of the highest order. You are so much better off without him in your lives! You know he will miss the the kids and she will become the controlling woman who won't let him see his kids. Never a great start to a happy life together!

He has chosen this.

Try to focus on you and the kids and leave them to it for a bit. The novelty will wear off when they have a screaming baby and no sleep! He'll be back knocking for you and you can tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck grin Try to keep busy and do loads of fun things with the kids to get through this shitty time. Hopefully you can bury the bad memories in some fun new ones.

starlight1234 Wed 23-Apr-14 09:47:25

Poor kids...

I am not surprised you are angry....Sounds like she is pulling all the strings but he should be telling her his kids come as a package....

I for the life of me cannot either understand a parent of child who has bonded to not bother to see them

pinklady1107 Wed 23-Apr-14 10:58:43

Contact was sorted but for reasons in the past it needed to made clear and without asking I was given a residence order. I actually took him back years ago for enforcement so this is not a new thing sadly. different woman though

Oh well, I am angry and I am sad and most of all you read of mothers witholding and how awful it is all the time - in the news now with new reforms, but what about fathers who just walk.

What about those left of us left behind with no careers anymore, doing jobs that bore us senseless because we are the only ones now tied to childcare, who are struggling to meet homework demands and sick children affecting our future prospects.
Who spend every weekend sitting in around bed times and not being able to ever let go and have down time. Yes I can get a babysitter, but its not really time off is it, watching the clock, the next morning getting up. If I had a partner two would burden the load, if their dad bothered I would get that time off.
I know this is the case in many relationships too (lazy partners, men and women) but it all just seems so wrong.

And in the meantime two little girls are there, wandering what the hell they did wrong, why daddy loves her more, why daddy is having a new baby but wont see us. my children are everything to me and to be honest I will never ever understand what drives a man/woman to walk from the responsibility of another innocent human beings life.

Maybe one day the new wife will knock my door as he will have dumped them too - I will promptly shut it in her face, shes as bad as him.

starlight1234 Wed 23-Apr-14 11:25:23

I am afraid while the media seem to enjoy portraying women who do deny access and while it does happen in my experience it is mostly the men who walk ...

There is not much of a story for media in..he walked away couldn't be arsed...

( there are also mothers who do the same)

pinklady1107 Wed 23-Apr-14 11:41:41

very true starlight. x

justtoomessy Wed 23-Apr-14 11:42:01

I feel your pain and anger. Mine did the same but new wife and no kids and she didn't want any funny how my ex stopped seeing my very lively toddler isn't it?? Even worse though is that he still sees his daughter but she is 10 so much less hassle than a 4 year old!

I am still angry over a year and a half later but it is getting less and less although it breaks my heart when I have to answer questions about why he doesn't see his daddy anymore.

I have made a nice little life for myself and come to terms with the fact I don't have the social life I used to. It takes time but it will get better but expect to have some really fucking angry moments!

My life is easier without my ex in it, no being let down at the last minute, no hating the idea of OW (now wife) looking after my child, my family values far exceed my ex's family. My son can do activities at the weekend and attend parties without ex preventing him.

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