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Teenager meeting dad for first time, advice pls?????

(5 Posts)
Rhiannam1984 Mon 21-Apr-14 14:22:38

My ex left me pregnant at 16 when he was turning 22 and ran away overseas and never paid child support. At 13 my daughter decided she wanted to find him so I did. A year later and they have just met as he flew over to see her. Has anyone else been through this? I don't know how things are going as I have nothing to compare to. I feel as though I'm drowning in emotions I hadn't dealt with and trying to keep it together and hidden from my daughter. Please if anyone has any stories/advice I'm desperate. Can't sleep or eat at this point. I have forgiven him and don't hold grudges but it feels like I'm 16 again.

starlight1234 Mon 21-Apr-14 18:35:08

I have no experience but wish you luck and not surprised your emotions are all over the place...

queenofthepirates Mon 21-Apr-14 20:15:15

Wow, you sound like a very strong person, at least on the outside, I am not surprised you are crumbling on the inside. He left you when you were very young and it's fantastic you have brought up your child with no support from your ex. I hope you know how brave you are?!

Do you have some RL support you can call on? I imagine most people would see you as very capable and adept so may not ask if you need help but do ask if you can.

I wish you well xxx

Rhiannam1984 Tue 22-Apr-14 00:12:25

Thank you both for your kind words. Not a lot of support unfortunately but I do have a couple of great friends by my side and am lucky that my daughter is very mature and has handled the situation as well as anyone could. Long road ahead but hopefully it won't be too bumpy once we move past the initial emotions and shock.

Lioninthesun Tue 22-Apr-14 09:38:31

Wow Rhiannam! Have you thought of some counselling? I think there could be a complete whirlwind going on in your head - some resentment that he gets to come in and be a father without having been one but also happiness that she is finally getting a father figure? If he just ran out perhaps you haven't dealt with why he left and any part you may have played or not in that. DD may also need someone to talk things through with, as I imagine she has had a lot of things she didn't know become 'her' since meeting him and fitting the jigsaw of her life together. 13 is a tough age so I'd keep an eye on it. Sure she has dealt with it well, but it is huge to find part of you (found my mother's birth family when DD was born and you are constantly looking for similarities, so it's exhausting!).

I have to say I think you have been brave to do it. Not sure I would have jumped to find him quite so soon. I am of the opinion that if her dad wants to see her he will. I'll not be chasing him to give a monkey's until she is at least 18 (and can legally do as she wants visiting him). Not saying your way is wrong, just that my ex has never really taken responsibility and I'd not want him in DD's life until he can prove he actually wants to be there (by contacting us basically). Hope it all continues to go well. and that he may finally offer some child support

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