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So unbelievably lonely.

(8 Posts)
27onesies Fri 18-Apr-14 08:15:38

DS1 is 2 and DS2 is 8MO.

My Ex walked out on us a year and a half ago when I was 5 weeks pregnant with DS2 (planned) and it was such a shock.

Since then everything has seemed to go downhill, I'll keep It brief.

I moved back in with my parents only for my DF to become abusive and I had to move into a Hostel, this is away from my family and I have no friends as they lost interest as soon as I announced my pregnancy.

I suffered terribly with PND and anxiety after DS1 and I have been through CBT and counselling which has helped but I had to relive my past (I have been raped twice) which meant that I had to go onto anti depressants, I stopped using these a while ago now. I had no support whilst I was going through this as my family just kept saying that I just need to 'give myself a shake'.

So, I'm in a Hostel with my 2 DS's, I have no friends or family and I am still completely in love with my Ex.

I go out to the park or to kick a football around with DS1 in the sun and see families sitting there having picnics and couples with there children walking along together and I feel a deep sadness.

Anywhere I go I'm on my own and it hurts so much because I just want us to be a family again.

I'm alone in the evenings (when my DS's are in bed) and plan my life around watching TV just to make it go faster because I have no one to talk to.

I've been asking my Ex to be with us again every week since he walked out but the answer is always no and this devastates me as I would do anything to be a family again.

I love my children. They are my world and I wouldn't change anything about either of them because they are the ones that keeps me a float but I can't help but feel empty when I know that I am alone.

Sorry for the essay, I felt the need to let out how I feel.

Minime85 Fri 18-Apr-14 08:33:45

I'm so sorry you have been and are going through so much. do you still have contact with DM or have u any siblings who u could speak to?

I think it sounds like your ex has made a decision and at some point u will find you can accept that and move forward. it must be incredibly hard.

I'm sorry I don't have any real advice and hope someone else can come along on here and offer some better advice.

can u get to a sure start centre and meet some other mums? have u tried the CAB for advice about getting you some better accommodation?

Fizzyfuzzy123 Fri 18-Apr-14 08:40:59

As a lone parent myself to a young child I know how hard it is especially when you see families around but you do have your little family and you have to remember that! I think you should join the sure start and keep yourself busy during the day and ten use the time on a night to relax or find something to do which you will find enjoyable. I know it's hard but you need to try and think of yourself and the Dcs and your life and not what your ex wants. Yes let him see the Dcs and have a relationship with them but keep him separate from your thoughts. Sometimes I think we only want these people back because it would be a family and it's easier but sometimes we just have to accept that we are not with them for a reason.

starlight1234 Fri 18-Apr-14 22:09:26

big hugs firstly...

You need to stop asking him...You are hurting yourself over and over again....

I was in a refuge when my Ds was about 10months old...I found parent and toddler groups a godsend...childrens centre did groups and got me away from the place ...

I can promise you it does get easier just doesn't feel like it right now...Your 2 year old will probably be entitled to 15 hours funding in spetember which will take a little pressure off

NotaDragonsEgg Sat 19-Apr-14 15:44:10

Agree with the others, especially Fizzy. You do have a family, the three of you and you can make it special. You can do this, you have got through so much already.

I have been there, feeling so sad over two parent families but there isn't anything you can do except make a nice little life for you and your dc. It won't happen overnight but little by little you will start to feel happier if you can concentrate on yourself and the dc, not what you have 'lost'. Make little traditions just for you etc. Make a list of things to do for yourself, have a bath, learn to crochet off youtube, read that book you never get round to, whatever, to do once they are in bed.

It will get a lot easier once they are older and are a bit more like companions. Ds is 3 and much better company than as a screamy baby! I also thought my life was over but after spending a few years getting counselling, building my life, making friends etc I have met a lovely guy.

mammadiggingdeep Tue 22-Apr-14 18:52:53

Firstly, it will get better as they get older. I find I consider my eldest 'company' now that she's 4 (she was 2 when I was first single). We walk along and chat, decide what to have for lunch together etc...not the same as having a partner obviously but not as lonely as being with a toddler.

Secondly, once you're out of the hostel I think you'll feel better...less 'temporary' iykwim.

Thirdly, please stop begging him're setting yourself up for disappointment each time and almost tortuting yourself. You and your two dc are a family unit, a complete one.

CagneynotLacey Tue 22-Apr-14 21:29:06

I very much empathise with what you say about looking at two-parent families and yearning for it. I have that too - sometimes it feels like a physical pain.

But I always try to tell myself that it is really important to remember that i don't actually know whether they are in a happy two-parent family or not. There might be all sorts of unhappiness that is not apparent when you catch sight of people in a random moment.

If you could find one or two people who were kind, funny and supportive, you might find it made a big difference. It sounds like you won't find that from your family so maybe try to make some new friends - play groups or centres or whatever.

You're at a low ebb right now but you have been through a HUGE amount and you're still standing. Give yourself credit for that. Make a list of your achievements - big and small - and read it when you feel low.

Sending you big hugs xxx

weatherall Wed 23-Apr-14 12:32:18

I'm sorry to hear you've had so much misfortune.

I've been a single Mum with a baby so I do know how hard and isolating it is.

Are there any groups where you could meet other single Mums?

Have you tried meet ups through <shh> NMs?

I agree with other posters that it is for the best for you to stop contacting your EX.

As for your housing situation- are you in contact with Shelter or CAB to hurry up rehousing?

You are doing really well to cope with all of this with no support. The only thing I can say is to just keep telling yourself that this is not forever. There is a happy future for you and your boys. It just may take some time.

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