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Having a wobble - need someone to slap me/ reassure me!

(9 Posts)

So on the whole all is pretty good in this single parent's life. Enjoying being the primary carer, juggling the work and childcare ok, plenty of support, good relationship with ex, good relationship with his family, so all kind of ok.

Ex is an ok Dad. My one issue is that I don't think he put DS first/ thinks of his needs often enough. But you know, I realise that is my opinion, and he is going to parent the way he does and I can't/ shouldn't try to control it, and just live with it, so I generally do.

Last summer he started dating someone new, and pretty quickly introduced DS to her (3rd GF he had done this with in 2.5 yrs). I've totally accepted the situation, but did let him know I thought it was too quick, and wasn't great for DS, but at the end of the day just tried to make the best of it. Fast forward 6 months and he's moved in with her and her daughter so have spent the last few months developing a relationship with the GF to make the best of it for DS's sake.

I went to pick him up from there today, and her parents are there building a new swing set for the kids. As we go to leave they call DS over and give him big kisses and cuddles and tell him they love him and will see him soon.

I cannot tell you how uncomfortable it was to watch 2 perfect strangers tell my son how much they love him (meanwhile ignoring me - but that's a side issue). And I kind of got a little angry about it.

I know it's good that he is part of a family there, and that his Dad is building a family, and that they all get on, and that her parents are accepting of him.

I just ended up being this nasty little ball of emotion and left pretty sharpish.

I know it's unreasonable to be annoyed about it, but I can't help it. I wish I hadn't seen it, then I could carry on regardless, but now I am just reminded that DS has this whole other life that doesn't involve me, that I know nothing about, and it kind of makes me a little sad.

Cupid5tunt Sun 13-Apr-14 22:38:39

It's not unreasonable at all. It's how you feel. Truthfully I think I would be the same probably worse.

I have nothing to add really because I have never been in this position and I am highly unlikely to ever be but I will say this. They might be an extension to your son's family through your ex but you are his Mum and no matter what, you are the one he will run to when he hurts himself, run to when he's done something he is proud of. You will be the person who will be there for him most throughout his life and nobody can take that away from either of you.

They sound lovely to your son if I'm honest, and it's so much better for him to be around people who love him than people who don't however they are an extension to his family you are his family.

The fact they ignore you, is petty and childish and quite honestly downright rude but you know what, it say's more about them than it does you.

thanks It must be hard x

Thanks cupid

I do think they were being lovely, and probably just too awkward to speak to me, but I'm more upset by it than I thought I would be sad

Cupid5tunt Sun 13-Apr-14 23:23:51

I honestly think it's natural to be upset given the circumstances. Very few of us have children thinking one day (in their childhood years) they'll have family separate from us.

I don't think mothers have it built in them to see their children with other people and be happy about it immediately. It must be something that is learnt through time to accept.

Like I said I don't have practical advice, my DD has no contact with my ExH so it's not something I'm familiar with.

Your little boy is hone with you now though. Do something just for the two of you tomorrow, hopefully it'll make you feel a bit better.

NomNomNom Sun 13-Apr-14 23:23:56

That's hard.

They should have acknowledged you. All you can do is rise above it. You are his mum.

Hang in there.

Thanks both. I appreciate it.

I still feel a bit grumpy about it today. Hate the feeling and don't know how to get over it! sad

Sassy777 Mon 14-Apr-14 11:30:16

I would totally feel the same way! I have never met my exes gf or her parents but I know they all play a part in my kids' lives... And I feel uncomfortable about it even though I only hear things! Her parents bought my kids Christmas presents which I found odd... Felt like they were trying to muscle in! But I have to try and remember as long as the kids are happy that's all that matters. They love me and always tell me that, cuddle me etc... No one can replace a mum smile


queenofthepirates Mon 14-Apr-14 13:45:28

I think the way to get over it is to focus on building up your life post-ex. I completely understand your feelings though.

Queen - I wish I could have that excuse, but we are all way past that stage.

Ex and I broke up nearly 3 years ago. We've both moved on, had another partner, I've moved house, and we've kind of settled into quite an amicable routine really.

So I really don't know why this got to me so much. It wasn't a shock. I know my DS has stayed the night at theirs before etc. Although I think it's all been a bit quick with Ex and the new GF, I do think it has been a good thing generally.

I'm not sure if it was the fact that they had ignored me, or that they were a little bit OTT in their effusiveness. Either way I had a very strange bunch of emotions which I'm struggling to explain!!

A bit defensive is probably the best way to describe it. And it's irked me.

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