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Have I done the right thing?

(5 Posts)
AJayne48 Fri 11-Apr-14 20:17:38

EX broke up with me about a year and a half ago, still devastated and I have been asking him to come back to me ever since.

Things are very amicable between us, arranging maintenance and contact etc.

I have 2 DS's one is 2 and the other is 8 MO. The contact arrangement at the moment is that EX gets DS (2) for 2 hours in the morning and then we both go for lunch so he can see his other DS, this is every week.

Whilst we were together we hardly ever saw his family and they see my eldest DS 50% of the time my EX has had him alone.

EX is away on a business trip for two weeks, I arranged lunch with EX's parents so they don't miss out on seeing my DC whilst EX is away, however due to broken phones it didn't go ahead.

I received a phone call today from EX's DM asking to have my eldest on his own for 2 hours, I said that I wasn't comfortable with this and let me explain why; he doesn't know them well enough as he only sees them once a week for 2 hours (some of the time!) and the last time I went for lunch I had to change DS2's nappy in another room and DS1 screamed because he thought I was leaving him there.

I said that I am not comfortable doing this as I am worried about leaving DS1 when EX isn't there because of the reaction when I walked out of the room, I said that I would be happy to rearrange lunch and stay longer so they can have more time with my DC's until EX is back from his business trip.

Have I been reasonable? I have nothing against them but I really don't feel comfortable leaving DS when he was so distraught at me just leaving the room in there home.

Sorry if it sounds confusing, I've tried to explain it the best way I can.

Amytheflag Fri 11-Apr-14 20:41:21

Sounds reasonable to me! You've put your ds's needs first.

queenofthepirates Fri 11-Apr-14 23:04:12

You have however..... This is a trying time for you, don't under estimate how much you have been through with 2 DC on your own. I would advise picking battles carefully and only those you think are REALLY important to you. You may well need extra help soon and the ex's parents could come in very handy to give you some space and time to digest what's happened. Keep them close and use them wisely x

Malificentmaud Sat 12-Apr-14 08:58:38

What queenofpirates said. They could be very useful to you - you don't have to do it alone and if they want to have him it sounds they are willing. Willing grandparents are a great thing wink.

Could you suggest spending more time with them (with you there, slowly building up to leaving) so your DS does eventually feel comfortable with them?

Without scare mongering, if your ex did go for official contact he would most likely get a lot more than two hours a week and could leave them with whoever he likes during that time. Maybe starting the process now could help the boys in the long run.

So you separated when pregnant. That must have been so hard. I'm sorry that happened thanks

mumtobealloveragain Sat 12-Apr-14 13:22:47

I think you and your ex need to have a serious chat about how your sons are going to be raised. Two hours once a week for lunch with you there is not enough contact for a child to build any sort of relationship.

Is it like this because this is all your ex wants to see of the children? If so then he's an idiot.

If it's not him not wanting extra time are there reasons (safety) that he isn't able to be left alone with the children? You say things are amicable so I would assume not. It just seems strange that things are amicable but he only sees them 2 hrs a week?

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