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Arrrrrrggghhh. I can't cope.

(3 Posts)
Wantmylifeback Thu 10-Apr-14 20:50:06

My exDF left me 2 weeks ago because he was 'unhappy' basically he fell for a 21yr old And decided he'd had enough of family life.

Our dd is almost 3 and has been having really horrendous tantrums to the point I don't know what to do.

I'm just so angry he gets to go out and do as he pleases and gets to fit dd into his life 2 days a week that suit him. I'm so angry I have been left to deal with this on my own. I know no one sets out to be a single parent but I just feel so angry at him for doing this to his family.

He has no idea what it takes to be a man and deal with his responsibilities, hence why he left I guess. To the point he moaned about child maintenance because he would not pay me willy nilly.

I just feel I can't do this myself I just can't cope!

Lonecatwithkitten Fri 11-Apr-14 07:56:46

It is very overwhelming and daunting at first. Look for the good stuff like you get to do what you want, when you want in the way you want to do it.
It would be better for your DD (and you) if a regular contact (same days) schedule was created children particular young ones do better with routine. This I think will help you a lot as you will know when you will be child free and feel a little more ordered.
I found I could channel the anger in to energy to get stuff done by getting super organised.

Attheendofmytether123 Mon 14-Apr-14 03:26:07

It does get better. I split with STBXH 2 months ago. We have 2 DDs, a 4 YO and a 3 MO. DD1 had some awful tantrums after he left and I felt exactly the same as you. But the tantrums are just her way of dealing with her family breaking up and as she came to terms with it, they lessened. She still has them but not as badly as before. And I realised that although I was the one having to deal with all the shit side of parenting, I am also the one who gets the privilege of watching my DDs grow up on a day to day basis. There is so much he misses out on by not being here.

From a practical point of view on dealing with the tantrums, this is what helped for us. Lots of cuddles and reassurance. Talking about the split in language they understand. Telling them that it is ok to be upset/angry/confused and encouraging them to tell you how they feel. I also bought some stress ball type toys for her to squeeze when she was getting angry as she was lashing out at me. I have also told her that if she feels like hitting me or her sister that she can hit a cushion. Her facial expression changes just before she hits out so I can usually give her a cushion and tell her to hit that rather than me. And usually that is enough for her.

You can cope even if you don't feel like you can at first. Just concentrate on getting through one day at a time and try to plan little treats for when DD is in bed. Just simple things like a nice bubble bath or a film. And bit by bit you and your daughter will recover from the hurt and start to find a new balance with each other. And you will probably find that you are happier without him than you ever were with him. Good luck.

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