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please share your single parenting stories

(10 Posts)
excitedmummytobe Sat 29-Mar-14 13:49:40

im hoping some single parents would share some positive stories.

i am 11wks pg with my first and although my ex is in the picture i have no idea how that will play out so im concentrating on what i can do.

i know ill be a perfectly capable and loving mother but the thought of doing it alone scares me! My baby was planned in a relationship so im struggling to change my mindset to being excited to go it alone. I am not close to any of my family although i do see them sometimes and i dont know many people. Feeling very alone right now and wishing for a support network.

please share your experiences. im sure every single parent to be feels this way at one point or another!

girliefriend Sat 29-Mar-14 16:44:58

Well I have raised my dd on my own since finding myself pregnant nearly 9yrs ago now!! The positives are that I have a beautiful, funny and lively little girl all to myself. I get to do things my way and don't have to compromise!

Dd has benefited from having lots of one to one attention and we are a little team!

It is scary and difficult at times but thats true for all parents, have you got family/friends that will support you?

Descalzada Sat 29-Mar-14 16:59:41

I'm really happy now. That's my story. I made a big mistake, and I paid for it. But I had what started out as a five year financial recovery plan but it turned out to be an emotional recovery plan too. I never set out to go to psychotherapy, but I had 8 sessions of psychotherapy and now I understand why I made the huge mistake I did, I forgive myself, I forgive him. My kids are pretty challenging mind you, but now I have a job and a home and I'm wondering if maybe maybe I might meet somebody one day. Who knows. If I don't well I have box sets and a nice house and security and mental equilibrium! wine

I am still a single parent but some how it feels like a chapter that's behind me if that makes sense. cos I'm just me now, back on my feet and I feel lucky, content......

mummyOF4darlings Sat 29-Mar-14 23:34:19

Sometimes we are stronger than we believe we are so have faith.

My story is aged 20 started seeing a guy i dont think it was love for either us but we had a laugh with each other, we was been careful but guessing a condom must of split or leaked, found out i was pregnant in the june just about to leave college and had secured myself a full time job was in complete and utter panic and shock, i was living with my mum at the time she guessed and was really supportive. I told the bf but he didnt seem to believe me said we had been careful and not possible bla bla. After a few days he came around and appologised and we tried to give the relationship a go but we couldnt. I managed to work up until 2 months before i had my daughter and still living with my mum was a big help. I gave birth to my daughter who is now 8 3 days after my 21st birthday. I had lots of help and support off family and her dad and relatives off his side did see her quite often i wasnt alone.

I then got with my 3 younger childrens dad when she was 10 months old, i had been seeing a guy before hand who had made a mug of me i was heartbroken and ended up in a rebound relationship it was all very casual for a couple of months, i got my own flat when my daughter was 13 months old and after that things got more serious with my now ex. Before hand he showed very little interest in my daughter but we started having days out together people would think he was her dad, after a few months found out i was pregnant it was an accident but we was both actually very happy about it. The plan was he was going to move in with us but he kept putting it off and off a couple months before i had my son we broke up for a few weeks he said i wanted too much commitment, we did get back together but he still wouldnt move in with me so we just took it slow i had my son and things seemed great until i found some txts from another woman although he claimed his innocence when my son was 5 months old i did find out he had been seeing her, so that was the end of that.

I had an operation when my son was about 14 months and my daughter was 3 both my exs were great at helping but got very close again to my sons dad just as friends to start with but we got back together for about 5 months but there was no trust there what with him and past relationship i was a paranoid wreck 2 weeks after ending it guess what? found out pregnant again i feel terrible but i actually considered an abortion i decided against it but didnt tell anyone for ages, at 9 weeks i eventually told my ex who wasnt very happy but he supported me we had the 12 week scan to find out it was twins, just my luck. We never got back together but he was a huge support and a fantastic dad. We are very good mates even now which people find weird.

So for the last 4 years ive been a single mum ive had odd relationship nothing serious. Its been a struggle suffered pnd after twins and had to have a family support worker on 2 occasions. Money has always been tight aswell i hated the thought of people looking down their nose at me for been a single mum of 4 on benefits, had verious comments which did hurt. As soon as the twins started school nursery i was lucky enough to get a part time job at the local pub/restaurant i try and get most my hours in at weekends when kids are with their dads, or during nursery hours very luck a childminder lives on my street and does the nursery drop off for me, its like everything has fallen into place for me at last even got a new man and happiest ive been for ages.

Biggest problem for me i think is at christmas and birthdays etc its hard to work round everyone i often feel like its me missing out.

NeedsAsockamnesty Sun 30-Mar-14 00:09:41

I'm a single parent by planned choice and plan to stay that way my youngest is 5 months I actually love being a single parent and much prefer it to being part of a couple. I guess it helps that my youngest two children were planned this way. But it really is a positive thing for us all.

Monetbyhimself Sun 30-Mar-14 12:03:46

I didn't plan to be a single parent but finally found the strength to leave after my abusive Ex had an affair.
He and OW have continued to try and make our lives hell for a number of years BUT my kids are amazing, well behaved, well mannered, bright, happy kids. It's been really tough but I have rebuilt out lives and found strength that I could never have imagined I had.
Providing a secure, stable happy home environment is the best thing that you can do. OW regularly tells my kids they're from a broken home-I like to think it's more of a castle full of cuddles grin

Descalzada Sun 30-Mar-14 12:09:55

I hate that 'broken home' expression. My 'home' was broken when we lived with children's father. there we were mom, dad, children, dog, and yet utterly dysfunctional and nobody happy I don't think (not sure my x is capable of happiness) but I am, so I left and now we have a home that is a home.

Anybody that uses that broken home line gets a lecture from me!!

BlackeyedSusan Sun 30-Mar-14 23:15:22

broken home? They fucking broke it...

excitedmummytobe Mon 31-Mar-14 09:18:37

wow thank u for all your replies, didnt expect such a response!

im slowly getting excited about being a single mum. mainly concerned that im going to pull it together all at the last minute cos im so going to end up moving when im due to pop!

me and the ex arent even on speaking terms atm because im sick of how he speaks to me. i have even told him i dont want him at the scan, he cannot expect to send me sh!tty msgs (which he still to this day blames me for any abuse i get from him - i realised yday he is a mental abuser) and then expect to be welcome, him not being at the scan wont affect the baby at all and wed end up arguing after. its my magic moment too and i wont have it ruined.

it seems impossible for him to act like an adult and im concerned that he is the father of my child but since id never dream of stopping my child knowing its father i wont but i do worry how nasty he is going to get because hes already nasty which is why iv told him to leave me alone i dont need the stress he causes and neither does baby.

i have a feeling this is going to end up in a contact centre...

Descalzada Tue 01-Apr-14 22:03:58

It must be hard to emotionally detangle from the mindgames when you're pregnant. (Mind you, it's hard with young children too, so you can do it and you will be fine).

Are you going to put his name on the BC. I wouldn't.

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