Hi- I don't know if this ramble will make any sense but I'd be truly grateful for some guidance;
I split with my husband 6 months ago- after trying to make it work for 2 yrs or so( we was together 10 years)
He had 2 children from a previous marriage he never saw as he said he couldn't afford the legal costs to fight his ex- who was making life awkward with his kids and his contact)I give you this background as it's relevant-
Moving on now- he has a flat just around the corner and had been an ok father when together.... But.. We split as he wanted to ride to the top of his profession and didn't want the ties of family life- wanted to be away- taking clients for meals etc.
So now we are at the point he has his son tues night and Friday night into sat morning.
But he "forgets" to call our 6 yr old son "because I was busy having a meal" .
When I pull him on this he says " I'm sorry" but then gets nasty.
This is a man I've watched cry because he doesn't see or even have the opportunity to speak to his children in a phone call.
I'm so angry these past few days - it's like a delayed reaction to our split.
I'm angry he forgets his son, I'm angry his life carries on as normal, living the high life, whilst I am scrimping and scraping each day, I'm angry I've become a single parent and see no hope of meeting anyone again and just existing - where is this coming from and how can I be strong enough to get through it??
I wanted to split- aswell as him- so why am I now so angry?
The lack of phone calls to his son because he forgot really hurts- who forgets their child? I don't, I call 7am & 7pm when he's with his dad :-( please help? Xxx
Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.
Lone parents
Help- why am I so angry still?
ej3166 · 28/03/2014 09:44
Being so let down by the man you loved is hard and you WILL feel angry about his behaviour towards his little boy. I agree that he has already abandoned one set of children and it's too easy for him to do it again. You do have to get to a point though where you can deal with your feelings towards him and still be the stable, constant consistent parent for your child. Lots of self care, support from friends and family, help with practical stuff so that you're less overwhelmed. With his history you are likely to face a lot of years of 'arrrgh' moments but keep your focus on yourself and your son. It may be that if he continues to let him down, you need to try and formalise contact but for now, let the anger flow. It's normal, it's natural and it WILL pass.
And keep posting. There are lots of us dealing with the fallout of fickle NRPs every day.
Kick boxing helps 
Not abnormal at all 
Sometimes it's easier to just lower your expectations of your ex and arm yourself with the strategies you need to help DS cope with his dad letting him down. There are loads of age appropriate books available for helping children deal with issues around separated parents.
This mightn't be the solution for everybody but I used to feel angry that my x was so....... unencumbered after we split up. But over the years I realise that I chose him 
and I've really thought about the reasons why I was drawn to that low level of 'care' in a relationship. I understand and I forgive myself for making such a poor choice of father for my children. That helps a lot.
Yes!! Unencumbered! I felt exactly like that. I remember I once absolutely lost it because is seen on Facebook (I know, I know) that he tracked a 10 mile run during his then only contact evening that week. Dd would never have "let" me go out for a run yet when at his she'd happily stay with his to-become wife or his Mum and he'd just do his own thing. Seeing it made me so angry! There I was, all fat and out of shape drinking wine and eating crisps and he was training for a bloody half marathon.
But I did let go eventually. I realised if I planned it, dd was happy to stay with a friend or later my to-be husband and I got some of my life back to. I was angry with him because of the way I was choosing to live... Because I didn't feel I had any choices and he did. But I did have the best deal having dd with me.
He's married now and dd stays 6/14 days there. I have a career and I can run when I want to she loves her sm who is a real gem and his wife has helped ex to be a better dad.
You will get there. You just have to take the responsibility for your own happiness and work with what you've got. Instead of allow him to goon controlling your thoughts and feelings. I say "just" like it's easy burying know what I mean!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.