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so fed up of trying to arrange contact

(6 Posts)
muser31 Thu 27-Mar-14 15:13:27

just that really. its never simple cos of dh's shifts, and unexpected things that come up such as his training days, now one of his family members funeral. its not that i don't have compassion - i do, and i am taking dd so that he can get to the funeral. but he is now on about not taking her the night before because they will be making sandwiches in the house, and when he cancels contact with her he NEVER re-arranges it for a different day - its just cancelled. its so draining. i sent the text.... so are you planning to see her at a different time so she doesn't lose the time with you.... and as usual no response while he thinks of an excuse why he can't. so fed up. yes i know he has a lot on, but its just so draining to be constantly dealing with this - i wish it was just set in stone and thats that. but i know lifes not like that. of course this all coincides with the ONE night out i have planned...pretty much the first time ive been properly out in like 3 years lol.

Buckteethjeff Thu 27-Mar-14 15:17:50

Just stop.

How old is dd?

Was he aware you were going out? My friends exh 'suddenly' has something really important on if he gets wind she is going out.

She has found a really good babysitter for when he does. Have you got family members that can step in?

Does he pay CS?

Monetbyhimself Thu 27-Mar-14 15:24:16

The best way to deal with an unreliable NRP is not to rely on them at all. I have built up a pretty good band of reliable babysitters-teenage kids of friends, a neighbour etc.

With regards his work, how much notice does he get with regards shift patterns ? It must be really unsettling for DD if he's constantly changing so the minimum you should expect is SOME sort of commitment. If he has a fixed rota, he should know in advance. If it's ad hoc there must be some system for booking a day or two off a month..

muser31 Thu 27-Mar-14 16:23:12

thanks. thankfully i do have my parents who are excellent, but its still just so frustrating. yes he likes to think of me staying in the house all the time - as soon as he thinks of me going out or having a life he is not happy. yet its fine for him to have a social life.

he does have fixed shift patterns and he does know them in advance, but often what happens is he says he has an unexpected compulsory training day to go to so he can't take dd. it is unsettling....dd is 2.5 and i would love for her to have a consistent routine... her behaviour is hard enough to manage at times never mind being shifted about.

starlight1234 Fri 28-Mar-14 19:57:18

I constantly pushed for contact with my Ex for my DS....In the end I had to stop pushing as it hurt me so much ..I felt in a much better position to deal with my sons disappointment ..

I also not let Ex know what you are up to ..It is frankly none of his business and less chance he can sabotage you going out.

I would also stop asking him to rearrange...He doesn't want to... If he truly want to see his child he will come to you...How old is your child? I never told my son when he was supposed to see his Dad made it easier for him

NeedsAsockamnesty Sun 30-Mar-14 13:38:05

It's not your job to make him be responsible or to engage with her, despite what many people imply.

He is an adult in his own right those things are his job.

Just don't depend on him for your arrangements

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