PLEASE HELP contact and enforcement orders.

[Silvercloud23]

I will try and keep this short even tho there's a lot to it. I really need some advice from anyone who has any experience of this.

Basically I have breached a contact order for a good reason and now the other party are going for an enforcement order which includes a witness summonsing me? Has anyone actually been given community service ect?

The letter also states that my sons dad has a right to apply for a change of residency, even tho it would be a draconian measure I would leave them no other choice.(he has not seen my son for two years and has not paid maintenance as he claims he earns less than 5 pound a week even tho he rents his own house out?!) I just need to know how likely it is that the judge would go as far as ripping my son out the home he has only ever known and putting him into his fathers care . Surely the judge wouldn't as that is not in the best interest of my son?

Any advice or info would be great.

[bongobaby]

Have you got any legal advice and solicitor to represent you in court. You sound stressed and worried. If you feel you have good reason to of breached the order you will get your chance to explain why. It's not good that you have and the courts may look upon this with a dim view.
I too am due in court next month for enforcement of breach of order but have reason for ds safety.
When are you due into court

[bongobaby]

It's very rare they would take ds from you and place into fathers care.

[Silvercloud23]

No I don't have a solicitor as I'm not entitled to legal aid and cannot afford it, I have had a couple of free half hours but it didn't shed any light.

My sons dad apparently represents himself but it's his mother who originally applied for contact (as he didn't want to pay) in order for him to gain access through the back door and he has! I don't know how the judge has allowed this and his mothers solicitor shouldn't even be writing to me if they only act for his mother.

I'm just waiting for a date. It's disgusting how we are treated and that we are expected to drag screaming children for contact.

I will take any sanctions of the enforcement order it's really just the whole residency thing which has worried me.

On the second and last contact session (I don't leave my son I stay with him) he took my sons book from him and repeatedly kept saying 'tell me who I am and you can have your book back' I told him he was out of order but he just continued.

[bongobaby]

His mother applied for contact for her son, strange. Did she apply as a grandparent seeking contact? I take it that this was granted by the judge. Maybe you should seek to vary the contact order in court as supervised as you have concerns that you stay at contact which you shouldn't have to if you fully trusted exp alone with ds.
It could be that the judge may place sanctions upon you so be prepared for that and for some form of involvement from cafcass.

[bongobaby]

The letter states that exp has a right to apply for a change of residency. Behind that your exp has no intention of applying its designed to shake you up. Would he really be capable of having ds full time when he can't even be bothered to make a contact order application because it would of cost him money. He got his mother to do it instead and this speaks volumes.

[Silvercloud23]

She applied for herself but he was on the form as a second respondant and so was there at the first hearing which is when he asked the judge to consider contact for himself aswel and was granted it. So it planned out how he wanted.

The first contact order was for them both to be at the contact together but I obviously didn't agree with this so didn't take him , it just so happened that I was pregnant at the time and the doctor wrote a letter stating anything relating to court was to be postponed in the best interests of me and my unborn baby, due to complications ect.

My son is only 4 and has been waking up in the night crying that a man is going to take him away, he is even more glued to my hip and keeps saying he doesn't want he man to be his daddy. It's just so difficult .

I have already had someone from CAFCASS come to my home , who let me say was not really the full ticket . I've never had copies of reports or anything from CAFCASS.

His father does not know where I live or what school DS goes to but I'm sure if he had the chance he would be questioning DS.

[bongobaby]

Poor ds he sounds frightened and confused by the situation and you as his mum want to protect him from this. But the courts have ordered contact and you have not adhered to this in their eyes. I can totally understand where you are coming from. You should of had reports from cafcass and they should be able to see the distress this causes ds and report this back to court. I'm not trying to tell you what to do but it is important that you seek to have the order varied so that you are willingly making positive steps in maintainingthe relationship between father and son. At. the moment you are actively being obstructive in the courts eyes. Although you have your reasons the court system will not work in both yours and ds health and favour if they see you as being obstructive.they will see it as he said she said that you are both not putting the needs of your ds first. It's shit but you have to be seen as willing to move towards positive steps in resolving the situation.

[bongobaby]

Your exp has parental responsilibilty so is entitled by law to know what school he is at and school reports. Is he named on the birth certificate?

[3xcookedchips]

Are you able to explain why you think it's in your sons interests not to have a relationship with your sons father and grandmother?

This is after all the basis for your argument for denying contact.

[Silvercloud23]

Yeah I totally understand what you're saying it's just hard to try and bite the bullet. The next review was April and that was to consider his mother joining in on contact, it's disgusting as if it's not enough having just him they'll confuse DS even more by letting her join in when she has no interest and has purely done this for her son.

indirect contact would be best for DS and then gradually build up to direct but they're not interested in that. They just see it as he's young enough to adapt when that's not always the case.

I'd quite happily take all the 'punishment' for protecting my son if I was 100% sure the judge wouldn't change residency.

[Silvercloud23]

That information is withheld due to him trying to kick my door in and my previous address and constantly knocking round threatening.

I'm not saying I don't want him to have any contact, the way contact is being handled is unsettling my son.

And as for his mother she has never bothered with DS from day 1, she constantly threatened me while I was pregnant with him, gets her three young kid to steal (who she had with her own daughters boyfriend)

This is about my sons safety and emotional well being

[lostdad]

If you wish to change a court order the process is for you to apply to the court to vary it (a C79 form if the case is more than a year old) or an application to the court for an emergency hearing (if it is less than a year old).

if you have concerns about the care your DC are receiving I would advise you a) stop contact b) contact the ex to try to resolve this c) go to court. What you are effectively doing is committing contempt of court and telling it you know better.

Stopping contact without doing this means you are breaking a court order and you risk being penalised for it. I haven't had personal experience of it (I am a McKenzie Friend) but know through discussion with various solicitors that prison sentences, fines and community service orders are sometimes made by the court.

[Silvercloud23]

Prison sentence for protecting my 4year old like a mother should, wow thieves, drug users and GBH affenders don't even get that these days.

I am not a criminal.

[lostdad]

The court process is in place for parents who can't agree. The Family Court works in the best interests of the child so when it makes a court order and someone breaks the order, they are not working in the best interests of the child.

If you feel the court order is not in the best interests of the child, stop contact and then return the matter to court.

[Silvercloud23]

The courts don't always work in the best interests of the child, I know of many cases where they have completely ruined and disrupted their life.

It's completely fine for a father to be absent for over two years and provide absolutely nothing to suddenly decide he wants contact. That's where the family court system is wrong.

I cannot just simply take it back to court I don't have the finances.

[Lonecatwithkitten]

Can I clarify here? A contact order for supervised contact has been made. You are supervising contact, but not at your own home.
The contact order states that both your ExP and his mother are able to be present at contact, but you disagree with this so have stopped contact.

[Silvercloud23]

Tht was the first order this one is just the father at the moment but as it's the mother who applied for contact in order for the father to gain access without paying she is expected to join in soon.

[STIDW]

It sounds as though your child may be upset and confused because he isn't secure about his identity and parentage. That can happen to very young children when a a parent is absent for sometime and the other parent hasn't talked to the child about the absent parent, extended family and how the child fits into it. Basically the child doesn't know who he is.

Rather than not complying with a contact order (which would be contempt of court carrying the penalty of committal to prison or a fine) my suggestion would be to contact the CAFCASS officer, try to explain the situation and ask if she/he thinks life story work would be appropriate. Identity and life story work is sometimes used as a tool to reintroduce the idea of a family member a child does not know and it can form part of an assessment to establish a child’s feelings about contact. It involves looking through play and art at different types of families, how some children can have two Mums or two Dads and explores children's understanding and feelings about changes in their family.

Then you would be supporting contact which is reasonable. DOn't underestimate the importance the courts attach to contact.

[3xcookedchips]

You still haven't explained why it's in your son's interest NOT to see his paternal family?

Other than your son being unsettled what are you protecting him from?

You may find yourself back in court should the ex choose to enforce the order.

[Silvercloud23]

Other than my son being unsettled?? He is 4 years old and shouldn't have to deal with the emotional stress of being unsettled .

As I have stated previously I am not trying to stop him from seeing his father and if I was I could write a very long list about him and his family if I wanted to.

I have seen you comment on similar threads to mine and you seem to be very pro father and I do not need to explain myself to you.

I have asked for advice with regard to residency.

[ElBumpo]

If you do not have a good reason for withholding contact (and by "good reason" I mean one the court will agree with - not "unsettled" which is normal for children in situations like this) and you persist with breaching orders then yes, a judge could well order a change of residency. It is not unheard of.

If you do have a good reason to withhold contact then you need to apply to court for a variation so that it can be properly investigated. This isn't optional, it's law, you aren't above it.

[Silvercloud23]

I have not Said that's the reason I stopped contact and I have not stated that I am above the law.

[balia]

My DH's ex was threatened with this - he went through a very long court process after she had withheld contact completely. She was very resistant to all the advice of the professionals and even though they were very thorough and gave her an enormous amount of time to help with her 'anxieties', she found it difficult to do what they all said was best for her son. She did go along with the various orders to some degree, but eventually the judge told her that if she continued to breach the order he would transfer residence. At that point, DH said, it was clear that the judge meant it. Luckily she obviously realised that too, and contact was much better from then in; including, interestingly, DSS's reaction to contact which had become increasingly fraught and anxiety-ridden at handovers etc. (And he was at a similar age to your DS - it is amazing how they pick up on tension)

Fast forward many years and DSS is a wonderful, kind, and above all, happy 11 year old who loves spending time with his Dad.

[balia]

Sorry - meant to say, they didn't give her any other 'punishments' (although this was possibly because DH said it wasn't what he wanted?). They just gave her lots of time to get used to the idea, had lots of experts assess the situation, gave her chances etc, but in the end they said it was comply or residence change.

[Bloodyteenagers]

A child being unsettled is not a good enough reason to stop contact. Children start school, and even though they have a period of settling in, some children are still unsettled and take months to adjust. Everyone involved works together to help the child. There are other times a child in unsettled. But what doesn't usually happen is the activity or whatever stop. People work with the child to help them cope, thus giving them the tools they will need during their life to deal with changes, rather than running away.

And yes, if you continue to stop contact because unsettled you face the chance of loosing the child and being placed with the other parent who will be ordered to facilitate contact, or face the same fate.

You also mention child support. These are complete separate issues. It doesn't matter how much or little he has paid. This is not the courts business. Instead you contact csa or whatever it is now called. If you think he is telling them porkies, you also get hmrc involved.