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Why did I have children with such an idiot!!!!

(12 Posts)
Jennynero Fri 21-Mar-14 22:29:53

I'm so seething tonight. Been separated from ex for 3 yrs and we have 3 sons together. He hasn't paid maintenance for at least 2 years and as far as I know, doesn't work.

So after driving for 5 hours and it being the first time he has seen the boys in a month the first thing he did when we arrived was ask me for money!!! He actually expected me to get back in the car and drive to a cashpoint as he claimed he had no money for food (I was exhausted from driving and refused).

I'm so pissed off, he has known for a week we were coming so why couldn't he make sure he had food for when his children arrived. I gave him all the cash I had on me (£2.50) but he said if I don't drop off some money tomorrow then he refuses to have them.

I know I should tell him where to stick it but it's so unfair on the boys to travel all that way and spend just a few hours with him. Also, it puts me in a shitty situation where i can't leave them without food but don't want to give him a penny when I pay for everything for our children as it is.

I just can't get over what a selfish, feckless idiot I married. He said he's looking for a job but I've been hearing the same BS excuses for years. Sorry for the rant, he just never fails to amaze me with his utter twattiness!! I work my arse off and still struggle to make ends meet. He never asks if they need anything, it's like he thinks it's completely my responsibility to do everything for the children he helped produce.

I literally cannot reason with this man as he is so narcissistic that he simply cannot see what a deadbeat dad he is. Grrrrr!!!

BlackeyedSusan Fri 21-Mar-14 22:53:41

oh heck. that sounds difficult.

last time you are driving up I suppose. do you thik he will feed tham if you don't?

BlackeyedSusan Fri 21-Mar-14 22:54:13

think he will feed them

fat fingers tonight.

summermovedon Sat 22-Mar-14 07:43:34

Do not give him any money. I bet he can afford a night out in the pub if he feels like it.

Stropzilla Sat 22-Mar-14 07:48:57

Don't give him money. If you feel you have to, oder to do food shopping to feed the boys. If he refuses you know he has money he's just trying it on.

Stropzilla Sat 22-Mar-14 07:49:27

Oder? Offer.

Jennynero Sat 22-Mar-14 09:44:08

I do think he's bluffing and yes, I'm pretty sure he can afford the pub!! I'm just going to wait for the phone call asking me to pick them up. I'm sick of him being so irresponsible and I'm not bailing him out anymore.

gilmoregirl Sat 22-Mar-14 18:54:38

Poor you. That has happened to me with my ex- claiming he has no money. I used to provide a packed lunch for DS when he saw him! Yet he always had cash for other things.... Agree with others who said get food. That is exactly what I did so I knew DS would be fed. Hope you are ok.

NoToast Sat 22-Mar-14 22:31:59

Snap, I've got one of them. Middle-aged, healthy man, private education, lives with his mum and never works or takes any financial responsibility.

'deadbeat narcissist' sums it up

NoToast Sat 22-Mar-14 22:33:04

FWIW, the title of your post is a question I kick myself over repeatedly.

MatureUniStudent Sun 23-Mar-14 08:29:38

Oh mine did that. Job in the city, bonuses but would insist I paid him to take the children out. I would do it to because I tried so hard to facilitate and ensure he saw his children.
I'd buy bread, baked beans and value fairy cakes for today and then take them home later is he tries this again. There is only so much you can do to get him to see his sons.

balia Sun 23-Mar-14 13:23:29

Pathetic, isn't it? And it doesn't get better - my ex refused to drive our DD to her PROM unless she gave him petrol money.

Don't give him any money!

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