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I am lonely and sick of it

(10 Posts)
buttonortwo Fri 21-Mar-14 14:50:28

Just that. Divorced from exh when ds 18 mo, he is now 6. Met new partner and split in nov, he became abusive. I think about things all of the time, I feel lonely. I have friends and potential friends but seem to push them away a bit.. Feel like I'm putting on a front sometimes... My parents divorced with new partners and have own lives, that's fine, however I just don't feel cared for at all... Should I even expect this at 38? I volunteer and work pt, member of gym, have taken mortgage on, generally get by. But I'm lonely ... Feel on the outside of things all of the time.. Any advice. Yes I've been to gp and have ads but it's my situation I don't like..

dholmes2014 Fri 21-Mar-14 15:05:24


just read your post and i thought would say don't give up hope that things can get better. i separated from my partner for the same reasons and my son is also six. my son was born with a club foot which meant many hospital appointments and operations and i spent all my time with my son either in hospital or at home never seeing anyone,friends seemed to just stop coming round, i got very lonely and thought how has my life come to this. but after my sons last op last year i pushed myself into work and gradually have started to get some confidence back and i even asked out the man that i have secretly had a crush on for two years and he said yes! things are starting to move forward but it has been a long road of self motivation, believing in better and coming to the realization that i must be a very strong woman. to bring a child up alone is one of the most hardest things in life so you should be extremely proud of yourself for getting this far. you are a strong woman who not only has dealt with a break up, but have had the self discipline to carry on working and go to the gym and sustain a mortgage. Getting out and meeting people should be a breeze. I hope that you can realize how strong you are and getting out and meeting people in a social environment will be easy : ) keep going and things will sort itself out, plus its pretty awesome being the centre stage in your little ones life.: )

buttonortwo Fri 21-Mar-14 15:58:49

Thank you dh2014 for being so kind.
I am so pleased things are working out for you.
Perhaps I'm not appreciating the basics that I do everyday, fed up of feeling trapped and worried I will be on my own forever, never meet anyone nice and reliable. Guess I just have to hope. I am so annoyed with myself for staying in a relationship too long that I knew was bad for me after just a few months. Feel like I wasted time. Sounds like you have a v positive outlook. my negativity can't be attractive. Feel a bit lost and detached in social situations, that's confidence isn't it.

Queenofthedrivensnow Fri 21-Mar-14 20:13:56

I can relate to the op especially the bit about pushing people away. I am lazy about socialising then feel rejected if I don't have company hmm

buttonortwo Fri 21-Mar-14 20:18:00

Queen... Yes I know, how does that work?! confused how do we get past this?
I don't know what on earth I feel I have to prove, I don't but for some reason seem to live of adrenalin and not get too close to people. I'm lonely

Queenofthedrivensnow Fri 21-Mar-14 22:22:12

I don't know but I'm beginning to realise life will continue like this if I don't address it hmm

Chickens123 Sat 22-Mar-14 01:22:43

I'm lonely too. I work, study do the volunteering thing belong to a couple of martial arts clubs and run lots ( although running is a bit solitary)
But always alone. I've done the GP, AD thing and the talking thing. I'm 47 and the older I get the worse it gets and the harder to break out. Pushing people away is a defenestration mechanism for me I feel I have a lot to hide, self harm, prescription drug abuse, starving myself and my past abusive relationships. I have found I the past people don't want to get involved and sometimes, because they have conquered their demons they feel the need to berate you because in their eyes you have not conquered yours! But everyone's demons are different. There is a website called elefriends ( all one word) where you can go and talk about anything. It's closely monitored so safe(ish) if you are feeling fragile. Hang on in there and keep trying to break out x

Chickens123 Sat 22-Mar-14 01:24:25

Ha defenestration mechanism bloody spell check. Though in a couple of cases true!

dholmes2014 Mon 24-Mar-14 14:52:09

ah, it is so difficult to get out of the black pit and i really empathize with you guys on it. that is what i refer to it now, its like a sticky dark pit that holds you down, yet also feels quite safe at the same time as you wont get hurt anymore other than by yourself. i dont think you ever quite escape it once you have been there, its a case of fighting and clinging on to the life that is around you for your children's sake. the more you fight and persevere the stronger you will feel. Being a lone parent is not something many can do and succeed in, the fact that you guys are here means you are doing really well and are stronger than you think. we have so many hurdles and stress raising a child managing the money and house it does get too much, but when the little ones arms go around your neck and say i love you mommy it all makes it worth while. my ex has just re appeared after nearly killing his dad and is trying to take my son, but if he thinks i will let him he has another thing coming. i will not go down without a fight, honestly sometimes exes, they are soooo crazy, what gives them the rights to our lives? they seriously under estimate the mothering hormones!! ha ha : )

keep strong guys and dont let life beat you! we are single parents and can beat anything!!xx

Chickens123 Mon 24-Mar-14 15:14:31

Thanks all I feel totally exhausted most of the time. But we do just have to plod on and fight. X

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