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Sick of being the only one who cares

(5 Posts)
MamaPingu Tue 18-Mar-14 16:05:13

DS's dad is 4 hours late to come see 6 month old son.

Does he care? Does he fuck.
Just spoke to him on the phone (more like shouted down the phone) for an explanation as to why he's 4 hours late and he really didn't seem interested.

A few weeks back he was "too tired" to come see DS as he'd been helping a friend move house which was fair enough in my eyes-ish. Personally I'd have said no I'd not seen my child in 4 days so I'm off there instead! But whatever.
Anyway it turned out he went out with friends hmm

When he comes to see DS all he does is sit and watch tv and doesn't even play with him.

I cook, clean, wash DS's clothes, bath him, get up with him on a morning, cook all his dinners (he can't have mine because I have an eating disorder) all doctors appointments and just everything you can think of I do it.

His "father" essentially watches DS for me while I clean the house.
He lives at home with his parents and has his mummy running after him so he doesn't have to do anything there either.

When we were together he applied for 4 jobs and had 6 driving lessons in a 13 month period. What an amazing bloke.

I moved jobs when pregnant which was stressful, I got me and DS a house to live in as ex couldn't be arsed to drive or get a good job.
(Driving is usually necessary where we live for a good job, we don't live near much)
I have now applied for uni and I'm determined to solely provide for my child cause who knows when he will just walk out of DS's life.

So he's never lived with us and I've pretty much raised DS alone from birth.
He cheated when I was pregnant and he admitted me didn't even want DS until he was born.
He is never in a rush to see DS and if he is working 3 days then has 3 off the first one will be spent with friends not DS. So I can assume he doesn't miss him?

I don't see how it's fair he even gets the privilege to see DS. He's a gorgeous boy who is no trouble at all, he plays lovely and hardly ever cries.

Sorry for the rant, but I get sick and tired of working my arse off for me and DS (which is a pleasure) and him getting to sit on his lazy arse.

Sometimes I genuinely wish he didn't get to see DS at all. He doesn't seem to have any good qualities to pass on to DS hmm
Can just imagine him leaving DS in tears when he's old enough to know daddy cannot be bothered to come see him angry

cestlavielife Tue 18-Mar-14 16:22:05

well your baby wont notice at this age.
offer set times fo congtact and expect him to not turn up.
keep careful records of contact offered and him not turning up eg email trail.

accept that you on your own.

if later on he decides to step up then again offer set fixed times and if he is late you carry on with your life.

stop giving your ex any attention (eg shouting at him) as that doesnt beneift you or ds at all.

seek support elsewhere your won family, friends etc.

MamaPingu Tue 18-Mar-14 16:39:59

I have evidence he cancelled for friends through iphone messages with the date and time on.

I realise DS won't know for now, it's just when I can tell he doesn't truly care I just wonder why he bothers at all.
My dad had an arsehole of a father and my dad is the most amazing father, husband and person I know. It makes me happy knowing if his dad does decide he doesn't want to see him at all he has wonderful male role models in my family thankfully.

MamaPingu Tue 18-Mar-14 21:43:19

5 and a half hours late in the end hmm

cestlavielife Wed 19-Mar-14 10:58:05

at this age he is messing YOU around much more than teh baby. so dont play his game. ignore him; just offer set time and after half hour you go out and do something else.

dont pander to your ex running after him. best your son grows up with you, his grandad and other secure attachments with a occasional dad visit every now and again - if that is what he knows and is used to he will be fine. if you fine and calm about it.

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