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I am a contact blocker

(56 Posts)
daisy0chain Mon 17-Mar-14 19:31:42

Obviously I am since my DD doesn't see her Dad.

Ooooor it could be that he's a waster who wants nothing to do with her! I have just been told that I deliberately block contact by ExHs family member.

Why is it that even though as the single parent doing everything, paying for everything, still working and basically doing the bloody best I can I am still viewed as the one in the wrong?

And then there is my ex who is probably pissed in a ditch, who doesn't pay a penny towards his child and rarely (if ever) actually works. The same man who turned up to contact drunk, the same man who said he doesn't care one bit for our child, the same bloody man that has done nothing for her in the almost 3 years since she was born.

Anyone else feel that no matter what you do there will always be those who despite all the evidence to the contrary will blame you?

Rant over (sorry!)

MeMySonAndI Tue 18-Mar-14 01:07:08

Me too, apparently, easier to say I'm blocking contact than to explain he is a rubbish dad.

With time, I have stopped caring what people think or says.

LadyMaryLikesCake Tue 18-Mar-14 10:38:15

There's only so much you can hide from your children, they will realise what a twat the nrp is but it's still not nice. My son used to get upset because he thought I didn't want him around either sad He seems OK at the moment but it's taken a hell of a lot of reassurance and time. The teachers at his school are mostly male so he can have some positive male role models in his life so I do my best but how do you explain to a kid why their father hasn't bothered to contact them or send them a Christmas card though? The maintenance was bad enough as he used to pay it into ds's account, not mine. I couldn't hide it when he stopped paying and ds would ask why his dad didn't want him to eat sad It goes into my account now, thank goodness but the damage to their relationship has already been made.

It takes a real narcissist to blame others for their problems. Our children are probably better off without to be honest. There's a lot of wonderful absent parents out there who play a huge role in their children's lives so we've just been unlucky (but had a lucky escape wink)

daisy0chain Tue 18-Mar-14 13:18:06

Completely agree Lady, my DD 2.8 and is already starting to ask questions about Daddy. I'm dreading the day she actually understands what she is asking. I already know it's going to be a fine line between omitting the information you really don't want them to know and lying.

I won't lie to my DD but I can honestly say I can't ever see there being a day where I tell her the whole truth either. Some of the things that have happened and some of what has been said would break any childs heart, irrespective of age.

This does piss me off though. So many get accused of turning children against the NRP when in actual fact we are doing our best to protect our kids and in turn cover up the worst of the NRP behaviour.

I have a slightly different problem to you, my ExHs Mum buys gifts for my DD from him (or at the very least she plays a big part in getting them). I don't know how to explain (when the time comes) why she get's a gift or card when he shows no interest in her in RL. It would be different if she remembered him but she will never remember him so what's the point? I just think it's a twice yearly reminder of someone who should play a huge role in her life and chose not too.

It's like a minefield sometimes.

LadyMaryLikesCake Tue 18-Mar-14 14:24:12

sad All you can do is love her and tell her that she's wanted. It's hard for them, I know it is because I see it, but it really helps to know that they do have a family (your family) who love her. I've kept loads from ds, he doesn't need to know what's gone on and it would serve no purpose other than to upset him more. The NRP see's what they want to see, it's their way to justify (to themselves and others) what a tosspot they are.

We moved house a couple of years ago to be closer to school. We're 15 minutes from our old house and his gran (ex's mum) hasn't been to see us once. Ds is at a private school which I pay for and I work my fingers to the bone to keep him there and give him the stability and for some reason she posted a newspaper advert to us for a boarding school last year. She sent it at a time when his father wasn't paying maintenance so it was a slap in the face for all that I was trying to do. Ds's grandfather had a stroke 6 years ago and the 'family' refuse to tell us where he is so ds can't see him. Any cards/letters have to be sent to them hmm which I don't think they pass on. He used to see ds monthly before his stroke so he's missed a great deal. There's huge 'issues' with this family.

daisy0chain Tue 18-Mar-14 14:40:53

God sounds horrible.

Well done you for working hard to give your son what you want for him though. Must feel like an achievement to have accomplished that. smile

LadyMaryLikesCake Tue 18-Mar-14 14:49:22

They are a nightmare not easy.

Ds is a lovely boy, he's still hard work sometimes but he's mostly considerate and helpful. He's the sort of boy who helps old ladies up off the floor if they have fallen in the street. Your DD will be wonderful as she'll have you. I think it's mostly nurture, not nature. It may seem scary now but be honest with her if she wants to know something. Children are bright and will put 2 and 2 together by themselves and will come to their own conclusion about things.


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