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How do you handle the questions?

(7 Posts)
daisy0chain Tue 11-Mar-14 12:50:34

My DD has recently started asking things like "where's my daddy?", "is daddy at work" and when she is upset sometimes saying "I want my Daddy". This morning she said "I want to see Daddy" I asked her why and she replied that she wanted a wee cuddle sad

My EXH through his own choice has nothing to do with DD and hasn't really since she was born with exception of a month or two here and a month or two there when he ultimately stopped contact again. I always supervised as I don't trust him with DD, he is an abusive alcoholic and has zero understanding of how to interact with DD.

I don't know how to answer. I know she's picking up some of this from her nursery friends who talk about their daddy's and probably picking some up from every day life, also being around me and my Dad probably and hearing me call him Dad.

She is only just coming up for 3 and I don't know how to respond. Has anyone been in the position where they just don't know what to say?

cestlavielife Tue 11-Mar-14 13:00:13

tell her truth in a way she understands "your daddy helped make you but he livs some where else and cant visit. maybe when you older"

if you finding it difficult try and get a sessionw with a play therapist or child psychologist to talk strategies about what to say

daisy0chain Tue 11-Mar-14 13:07:03

The thing is I doubt very much he will ever want access with her and to be honest I'm done facilitating contact at my home (I did this a few times to try and reintroduce a relationship).

I don't want to lie to her. I've tried responding with the standard every family is different some people see both Daddy and Mummy and some just see Mummy or Daddy etc etc. She is actually too young to really understand but I know one day it will click for her.

I have a friend who works closely with vulnerable children and social services I should maybe give her a ring as she might be able to give me a bit of advice. I hadn't actually thought about asking her.

daisy0chain Tue 11-Mar-14 13:07:26

Also thanks cestlavielife

Russianfudge Tue 11-Mar-14 13:24:40

That's a good idea. I think don't lie or create fantasy but keep it simple. She doesn't need to know the detail.

daisy0chain Tue 11-Mar-14 13:27:46

That's the thing Russian I don't think I'll ever tell her everything. It would be cruel. Some of the things said would break any childs heart (regardless of age)

I guess I just want an easy way to explain that will limit questions just now but one that doesn't involve telling her things she doesn't need to know.

I know I may need to divulge more than I would like to in the future when DD is a lot older but not sure how best to lay the foundations for minimal hurt on her part for when she get's older confused

Not even sure that even makes sense written down. It does in my head, promise grin

NoodleOodle Tue 11-Mar-14 19:32:40

I just always used to say "Mummy loves you" or, in response to the cuddle incident I would have responded "You get your cuddles from mummy. Mummy loves you." and given her a cuddle. I still say it now to my teenage D.

I can't make anyone else do anything, but I can let her know she's loved, fully. I can't explain why her father has no contact as I don't know and it's not something I could do to a child, so I don't try to make any excuses for him, and haven't really offered any explanation other than he hasn't been in touch.

There have been times when I have wished I had been able to say "it's very sad but your daddy has died but he loved you very much" but I didn't want to go down the lying route, even if motivated by best wishes.

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