problems with access(3 Posts)
i posted on here before but as im new i messed up and put it the end of some-ones thread oops - so i thought i'd try again! Basically my ex and i have an 8month old - he lives approx 2hrs away from me and we've never lived together. He wasn't really involved in the pregnancy (his choice) and wasn't present at the birth (my choice). When our baby was born he hardly saw her, probably came and stayed on average 1 night in a month. I tried to make the effort and stayed at his over a weekend a few times but i spent the time alone with baby as he was asleep/out/drunk (he likes to get totally drunk on a sat night as he's 'entitled to cos he wrks hard all week'). Since we split he's asked to see the baby every weekend as he says it his duty to, fair enough, so we came to an arrangement he would visit every sunday at my house for around 2 hours. Here's the issues, he has never taken care of her needs ie changing nappy, feeding etc i have tried to show/encourage him but his attitude has always been your the mother you do it, so I have to be present in order to do these things for her. I usually just do housewrk or cooking so Im present but not hovering. He has no idea how to interact with her, she sits looking lost and bored whilst he waves toys in her face! Ive tried telling/showing him the games she likes etc but he ignores me, he pushes the toys Ive laid out and brings a bag of toys with him which is mostly noisy rattles! The weekend just gone he brought a very loud vibrating toy which he kept putting on her body and scared the hell out of her so I consoled her and said she doesnt like it to which he got annoyed with me!! He only went and got the toy out again!!!! It just seems to me he bulldozes his way through these 2 hour visits with the attitude he knows what he's doing and he knows what our baby likes/wants and will not listen to a word I say. Its been suggested I go out and just let him get on with it but I couldnt subject my baby to that, if shes fussing he just carrys on waving toys without checking if she needs a nappy changed or shes tired etc!! So what do I do - carry on and just bite my tongue hoping things improve, try and arrange some sort of meeting with an outsider to mediate????
Have you looked into the option of a contact centre?
You wouldn't have to be around and your daughter would still get looked after properly.
I don't know how it works, but I'm assuming you must be able to request it.
I was able to request a contact centre because I'd had the police and womens aid involved. There's probably no harm in speaking to your local womens aid to see what they can do.
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