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Depressed over ex's reaction to csa

(3 Posts)
mods38 Tue 04-Mar-14 17:44:05

Hi all,
I'm a single mother and have been since beginning I pregnancy.
I decided to do it all alone after finding out about pregnancy and ex is a total nightmare!!
We were together 2 years and it ended sooooooo badly! We have had very little contact, he didn't attend any antenatal sessions, wasn't present at birth etc..

Since having my son I have tried to be reasonable with him but he just cannot co-operate...he isn't a good role model gambler/liar/sex addict and despite this I have tried but he is more interested in getting back with me and rarely askes about our son despite saying he cares....he has not given a penny towards our son and as I decided to go ahead alone I was originally ok with purchasing everything and did.
However my son is now 6 months old and I feel his dad should contribute...esp as he is on a good wage.
I have contacted the csa and since finding out he has sent me an email cussing me, demanding a DNA test & threatening to cut our son off which doesn't bother me as he only seen him 3 times anyway!

I don't understand why this upsets me as originally told myself I would be responsible for my son but think I did the right thing as that money can contribute to his future?? I just can't help feel abit upset...
Oh he pays for 2 of his older kids via csa too

VelvetGecko Tue 04-Mar-14 18:00:50

Feeling upset is understandable. You did the right thing going to the CSA. Ignore any emails or other forms of contact.
The CSA will pursue him as he has a legal responsibility to provide for his child financially. If he questions paternity then it is up to him to organize and pay for dna testing. Sounds like you'd both be better off without him in your lives, however if he does want contact with his child i'd suggest going the legal route, again this is his responsibility. Just treat the whole thing like a business agreement and detach emotionally.

If you're feeling really reasonable you could simply ask him if he wants to be a father to his child and offer him supervised contact, preferably with someone other than yourself, for short periods of time to start with.
However i would say it has to be on your terms and at regular intervals. If he can't stick to that then you don't need to pursue him and are quite within your rights to withdraw contact.
Also keep a record of everything from your offers of contact to his inevitable failure to turn up.
I think many single parents, myself included, find going it alone easier than dealing with uninterested, unreliable twats.
I also think complete absence is easier on the dc, especially if it's from birth, than sporadic visits from a disinterested father.
Good Luck.

Steelojames Tue 04-Mar-14 19:30:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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