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Asking ex for more money

(16 Posts)
LizLemonOut Sun 02-Mar-14 10:31:33

DD is 2.5, ex left when I was pregnant, saw DD for a short time then went awol, giving up his job to avoid CSA. He went to live with his mother and got a new job and got back in touch when DD was 2. He now sees her twice a month for 2 hours at a playcentre. He's living with his mum, not paying bills or rent, and is saving for a house. He's bought a new car, always in new clothes etc. Meanwhile I am solely responsible for DD and my bills and rent, and everything she needs. We are absolutely on the breadline.

He gives me the minimum he can in CSA. This number is presumably worked out assuming the non resident parent has to support themselves but his mother is covering his living costs so he doesn't have to.

Would it be reasonable to ask him to contribute more money? Or to pay for one off items such as winter boots, coat, etc which I really struggle with? I'm not asking him to fund my lifestyle or anything, just to play a slightly bigger role in supporting his daughter. I don't know if he'd say yes anyway, he refused to pay anything towards her childcare as "there's no benefit for me"!!


LadyGardenersQuestionTime Sun 02-Mar-14 10:34:35

No harm in asking. I'd certainly make it dd-specific.

Divinity Sun 02-Mar-14 12:17:09

Is the money coming in through CSA or his idea of what CSA should be?

Definitely ask him for DD related things eg coat, shoes, boots.

LizLemonOut Sun 02-Mar-14 16:31:49

It comes through the CSA

NatashaBee Sun 02-Mar-14 16:41:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

russianfudge Sun 02-Mar-14 16:42:41

You can ask... But it doesn't sound like his response will be favourable!

Artandco Sun 02-Mar-14 19:05:19

If he won't give money, maybe he will get the items? Kinda annoying but a way around. Ie say she really needs new coat/ bedding etc, can he get

littleballerina Sun 02-Mar-14 19:07:40

I asked exh for more (he gives £20 a week for 3 dc), I got told not so nicely no.

We don't go through CSA but I'd imagine if you do that they are taking the maximum amount. Do they know he's living with his mum and has no known outgoings?

LizLemonOut Sun 02-Mar-14 19:54:26

I doubt it, littleballerina, would they take that into account?

Sorry your ex is an arse a bit unreasonable too. Have you thought about going through CSA? Sorry if that's a stupid question!

That's a good idea, actually, art, I might try that if he refuses extra money

littleballerina Sun 02-Mar-14 20:16:50

I'm not sure but worth finding out I suppose.

I'd get less through CSA as he doesn't claim most of his earning angry.

russianfudge Sun 02-Mar-14 21:00:04

CSA doesn't take in to account outgoings. My ex once asked why the hell the CSA didn't ask what his rent was because he lived in a super high spec bachelor pad and there wasn't much left after his outgoings shock

NatashaBee Sun 02-Mar-14 21:13:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PigletJohn Sun 02-Mar-14 21:14:13

a good reason for not making allowance for individual outgoings is because people will say "after the payments on the merc, plus rent on my W1 flat and the cottage in Cowes, plus the subs to the health club, what I spend on food and holidays, and interest on my personal loan, there's nothing left"

LizLemonOut Mon 03-Mar-14 16:36:12

Yes, good point, Piglet, it works both ways.

smudgerxxv Mon 17-Mar-14 12:24:33

Csa also doesnt take into account how much child benefits mother recieves, how much new partners or husbands make and it also doesnt ensure the money gets spent on the child

STIDW Mon 17-Mar-14 18:23:25

On average child maintenance paid through the CSA is spent on children though. For example in 2011 the average amount of child maintenance liable to be paid through the CSA was £33.50 per week or £22.50 if all cases with a weekly assessment of zero are included in the average. That really doesn't go very far and it's just plain wrong to suggest that generally the money isn't spent on children.

One of the most vocal parents I've come across was a father who was the parent with the majority of care and he couldn't get over the fact the CSA rates were just 20% of his ex-wife's income. As he put it that was the equivalent of one day's pay per week.

OP, have a look at the CM Options website where here are tools and information to help parents to discuss and come to family based arrangements to meet the needs of their children. There is no statutory liability to pay more than the CSA rate but perhaps the father might be persuaded it would be reasonable to contribute more to the costs of raising his child if you go through the figures together.

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