I can't do it all!!!!(20 Posts)
I could have so written your post. In the past year I have helped Ds make a Roman shield, a sword, a ship and a cake with a peace message (?) on it amongst other things. I actually quite like crafty stuff what I don't like is sitting up until god knows what time the night before trying to finish it because we had too much else on during the week . Like I have nothing else to do.
My single parent status is getting to me a bit at the moment too. The sheer relentless of it all and the house still looks like a complete pigsty no matter how much cleaning I do. For some reason I thought it was a good idea to bring a puppy into the mix
Meanwhile the ex is swanning about on the other side of the world living the life of Riley by all accounts. Sigh!
OP, completely sympathise, it is so wearing constantly having to think about whether you can actually pay the bills, on top of all the practical logistics of organising life as a working lone parent. It can be totally exhausting. But it sounds to me as if you are doing amazingly well, AND dedicating time to do stuff with your dc which is more than a lot of two parent families do ! so please don't be hard on yourself.
i have learnt over the last ten years
a) allow yourself some time in the evening when dc is in bed to do whatever you want - sod the washing up if you want to watch tv!
b) allow yourself to ask for help. I am notoriously bad about this, but am sure one of your dc's friends would have your dd for a couple of hours if that means you can get something else done.
c) treat yourself once in a while. It totally goes against the grain when money is tight, but sometimes you have to reward yourself for doing such a good job. doesn't need to be a big, expensive thing, just something to make you feel better about yourself. (when money is tight, i find even painting my toenails helps !)
and yes, I agree with what Indians says, sometimes I would just love there to be someone else to wash up/take the rubbish out/fight over homework/teeth cleaning etc...... but then I talk to girlfriends with more or less useless husbands and realise that they are doing more or less what I am doing, but have to do extra washing/cooking and dh more often than not puts a complete spanner in the works as well !
so on balance i am happy in that I can manage my own life and dc is now 11 and much more helpful so it does get easier.....
I feel your pain!
I just hope my kids are learning lots of independence etc.....
DDs' school's Easter Bonnet Competition is complete joke!
You are doing everything by yourself and should be proud!
My take on it is that I am giving my DC the best example and role model in life of a hard working mother that does everything for them and showing them that you have to work hard to achieve anything, and that as long as the basics are done re normal homework, blinking arts and crafts takes a secondary look in.
There are lots of 'normal' (2+2) families out there which are so dysfunctional and where parents don't care or it is all about image, so think how different you are - you care enough to write a post about how you are upset you can't do more for your children. That is pretty amazing. You let your 6 year old make her own art and she will remember doing that and it will mean more to her.
Everyone has had fucking master pieces that clearly had not been made by 6 year olds.
I did most of a project for my eldest son one year - it truly looked like a 6 year old had done it as I am terrible at anything art and craft. He won! And I can only assume he won because it looked like a 6 year old had done it because the rest in the display looked like adults had done them.
It's hard work. Don't be hard on yourself - you're only one person at the end of the day.
OP I hear you.
it's so, so hard, and you're doing great. Just keep on going. I totally understand about the home made house and have had similar, but long term these things don't matter and will soon be forgotten (although I sometimes get a bit with schools not taking into account lps when setting these type of homeworks)
Be as kind to yourself as possible, do the minimum you can even if that means eating baked beans every night for a week just to take some pressure off deciding and affording what to eat.
Try to set aside whatever you can, 10 mins or half hour or whatever, just to sit quietly maybe do a bit of stretching or have a bath at the end of the day.
Also, write down 3 things a day you did - anything eg did washing, got dressed, said a nice thing to dcs, etc as it can make you realise a little bit everything you do do
And come on here of course, you're not alone
Money trouble is paralyzing. I just about manage but anything unexpected tips me over the edge. I am sorry that you feel the same but thanks for posting. It makes me feel less lonely.
Regarding housekeeping, I am struggling to lower my standards as cannot cope either. My landlord is selling the flat we rent and we have people visiting sometimes with a very short notice. I am very house proud, or was I should say, and I am embarrassed that people see our mess.
I try to be kind to myself and honestly I am doing my best. But my fuse is very short these days and my dreams of a family in a nice home full of laughter have turned sour. I have set my standards too high and that makes me grumpy and ratty to DC. Not sure how to forgive myself really.
As a cradle Catholic, I wouldn't worry about school.
Church, that's meant to say, not school. Damn (literally).
also feeling overwhelmed. im sitting here and there is so much house stuff that needs done - kits need sorting out, laundry needs done - things need put away. i wish i was the kind that could let the house get untidy, but the fact is if its untidy and unorganised i just feel more anxious and panicky and stressed. i feel i need order in the house, and its just too hard to keep it up. ive stopped hoovering everywhere except the living room and kitchen which helps. its just so so so tiring!
Ha, my 6-year old had to bring a pirate ship in to school recently. I was open-mouthed at some of the creations - absolutely beautiful, but clearly the child hadn't been near it. The sad thing is, I did a lot of the work on dd's ship, but it still looked like a 6-year old did it. Not because I'm good at faking, it just turns out I'm really bad at art. I did let her draw the octopus though <generous>
As a cradle Catholic, I wouldn't worry about school. If you happen to pass a church with her, pop in and light a candle. It takes 30 seconds, gives you a moment of peace, and you can encourage dd to tell school about it if you're worried you're not seen as properly religious....
For housekeeping/cooking, I keep my standards low. I'm out at work and dd is at school, so the place doesn't get too messed up during the week. Decide what's essential and what isn't, let the rest go, give yourself a pat on the back for all things you do manage, and forgive yourself the rest.
I can empathise with all of your post...
I now make Ds (6 )do his own room so his is always tidier than my bedroom. and help with some of the jobs ..but only when I am doing them we put on music and do them together.. Obviously his is at snails pace and constantly gets distracted but he does help...
Also re projects...My DS won a poster for school fair in reception..I was talking to another teacher who I was in listening to her children read...I was telling her how shocked I was as his drawing is not very good she said they immediately take the ones out the parents had done and looked for effort...I apply the same to his topics ...I take pride in his looking like he has made it himself ..It is his homework...and while your child's may not of stood out for design your child will of learned far more from the project.
Re church do you want to go? I take my son once every month to 6 weeks...I don't have time or inclination to go every week but although it seems to take up the whole morning I do feel better for doing it.
big hugs to you as well..It is tough doing it on your own.
I think the constant having to do it all yourself is the bit that gets me. Sometimes I just feel like screaming 'can someone else do ds's teeth'!! Or just for once to be able to sleep in or have a bath ran. Anything really!
Sounds incredibly wearing. I would suggest that your dc help with the chores, they are never too young to pitch in. The same applies to families with 2 parents, I really wish we'd started getting our dc involved when they are younger - they are so much more appreciative of what we do for them.
It's very hard . I've pretty much given up cleaning, I cleaned my bathroom on Xmas day, not sure when I last used the dyson etc. Nothing is a health hazard, and it's still fairly presentable but everything else (kids, p/t work, study, gym and organising) has to come first.
I get more stressed when money starts to run out.
Oh OP I can read the panic in your post!
God it's hard isn't it? I always feel like I'm one step behind everyone else in terms of parenting / housekeeping / grooming etc etc but in reality I bet you are doing absolutely great and have your priorities just right
FWIW the first time DD1 entered the easter bonnet competition, I made her a fabulous, totally OTT creation. I was aghast when the competition (judged by the utterly brilliant HT) was won by a chaild who had simply glued a scrunched up piece of tin foil to their head (honestly it looked like that's what they had done!) and then it dawned on me what the actual point was and I've tried not to get too wound up by stuff like that since
Apart from when DD2 (aged 2) was asked to dress up for Trafalgar Day at playschool. Cue me once again making an elabortate Nelson costume. I swear the hat was bigger than DD2. And I even made her put her hand inside her jacket! Of course all the other kids just turned up as Snow White and Spiderman. The staff from the nursery still laugh at me for that now
Thank you both for the replies!
The thing is I know the teachers can tell the parents did most of the work, but I feel like atleast they dedicated the time to it. I was busy working and on the days we did have together I wanted to take her out and enjoy the day instead if being stuck in doing homework.
I also like to have some time for myself (not a lot) but don't have the time to do berthing perfectly.
I think a lot of my problem is because I am struggling financially too it's hard to manage really.
Teachers know exactly which pushy parents do the stuff themselves
It's bloody hard feeling yourself being stretched so thinly. I've really had to prioritise and let my standards slip a bit. A lot.
It is hard isn't it, it often feels completely overwhelming.
(Fwiw at my school we all love the obviously child made tasks not the ones clearly made by the parents!)
Wow I've had enough! I can't seem to manage on the money I earn! I work to support me and dd and then feel like I'm lacking in other areas like it always seems a hassle to get dds homework done. And we don't go to church (dd goes to a catholic school) there's just so many things I have to do cleaning, working, trying to enjoy time with dd. I can't do everything by myself all the time.
Today I took dd back after half term, they had to build a house and dd made hers and drew the designs on, if did look kind of rubbish. Everyone has had fucking master pieces that clearly had not been made by 6 year olds. I just don't have time to sit making houses for hours on end. I work and I also had to help dd write a 500 word story and learn spellings etc! Who is this home work for anyway? The kids or adults as 500 word stories are abit beyond 6 years olds.
Anyway not sure if I'm making sense but I've had enough of working hard never having any money and feeling like I'm still not doing enough.
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