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So what do I do now? Horrible situation just got worse

(26 Posts)
Helppleasaadise Mon 17-Feb-14 01:29:36

Name changed as I'm worried it won't go down well with alot of people. Please be kind.

What do I do? Bad situation with ds father generally.
Then I found out something which has really knocked me for six.
I don't know how to react.

Background is that h left when ds was 1, but had checked out long before. It was an abusive relationship.

He has never done maintenance or anything useful or fatherly.
Ds adores him. Is starting to get hurt by his crapness. I have no male friends and so ds has no male role models in his life so I've let a bad situation carry on too long for that reason. Better a dad than no dad right? Except I'm not sure anymore.

He does visit average once every week and a half, but just turns up in tje evening. I cant tell ds when hes coming as hes let us down too often.

I don't trust him to take care of ds (based on some stuff that happened when ds was a baby), so he hangs around making a mess and playing with ds (3). I have to keep an ear out at all times as he plays rough and fun turns to tears without him noticing, and even worse, he often just drops into a deep zombie style sleep leaving ds alone and unsupervised.

H also has form for stealing from me.

He bought ds a kids tablet for Christmas which he decided wasn't the best one so took it back to exchange it, and never brought another present again.

He's been getting worse and often disappears for weeks, turning up in the middle of the night to sleep on the sofa and he's often so tired he can't talk and just mubbles incoherently, and he smells, like a homeless person smell.

A child should not be seeing this. It hurts me to see it too.
So obviously, it's shit, and it can't stay like this.

Then THIS happens. He confesses he is indeed homeless, gambling, can't get anything together blah blah blah.

But it's all because he's been accused of a (serious) crime. This has been going on for months apparently. This is his reason for being so shit (theres always a reason though). The CPS have decided not to prosecute.

It's not a 'good' crime. Its not a forgivable crime. But its not being prosecuted. I don't know what to do or what to think. I don't know if he did it or not. I'd say not, except I don't know this person that he is. I don't want to think about it. He tried to tell me about it and I shut him up. Don't want to know. well, can't cope with knowing anything.

Ds is away so hasn't seem his daddy. I can't have this man near my child can I? I brought ds into a world where this man is his father. I feel so ashamed. So guilty. So angry too.

So any idea what I do now?

cestlavielife Wed 19-Feb-14 16:18:50

you can report his health issues to your or his GP - theyw ill deiiide if puruse or not. but he is not your repsonsibility
change lockss.
facilitating DS to see him does not mean you putting him up or putting up wiht him . you could meet outside in public place soft play library etc.

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