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Happy being single???

(47 Posts)
Ange1972 Tue 11-Feb-14 19:07:55

I'm 41 and have an 11 year d DS. 8 years ago ex had an affair, ran off and is still with the witch, sorry, tart, sorry.... Woman, he left me for. I lost everything as I work part time and was in no way able to afford out mortgage. Very traumatic time, found it worse than losing my dad, but slowly managed to get myself back on track. Moved back to the town I lived in, pre-ex, ie home! In 8 years I've had a few disastrous liaisons and one 'proper' relationship which, when I think back, makes me gip to think of as he was an alcoholic (tho I didn't know it at the time!!).

Anyway is these 8 long years I've yearned for different things, mainly money as very hard finanancially and just coming to the end of a very long IVA!!! But it has taken me the aforementioned 8 years to realise I'm blissfully happy bring ME! Would obviously love more money and that is usually the root of my stress and unhappiness. I finally, at my ripe old age (!!) feel happy in my skin and not willing to put up with bulls**t and second best. Feel confident even tho I could do with losing some weight, and comfortable on my own. I'm certainly not anti men and if the right one came along I would certainly embrace it. I have a job I love and although it's hard juggling my son with work (I have no family help) it's getting there.

Most of my married friends moan about their other halves and where once I would've been really envious I now smile smugly and think to myself how lucky I am not to put up with some of the stuff they moan about. At least when and if I get a fella if he doesn't add a positive impact on my life he can jog on!!!

With valentines day up onus, does anyone else feel the same??? Bed to myself, eat and watch what u want, wear what I want, son gets lots if positive attention and is growing up into a fine young man. Have a real laugh and challenges at work not missing social interaction.

Please tell me I'm not alone?? Haha smilesmile

Flowerpower41 Fri 04-Dec-15 06:11:59

Apologies to anybody reading this who is in a couple but it often strikes me that those living with a partner are less strong emotionally and more dependent as a person. Of course that doesn't apply to all women with relationships but that said most single parents who aren't dating/cohabiting are quite happy single and much stronger as a person emotionally.....

When I first became a single parent a friend said I would end up a stronger person and she was absolutely bang on.

Gohackyourself Thu 03-Dec-15 14:24:11

As others have said- it's spooky this coming up again-
I've posted on divorced thread about how one feels/renews their sense of self esteem- courage- etc after coming out the other side of divorce a little windswept!!

There's so many points on here that are true for me, even just the basics of when being home alone I don't have to make any effort - except for my son an I so if we wanna be in pjs and scruffy we can- it's all those little things I've forgotten- I kinda thought I should be out there have lots of wild sex, clubbing, excercising, Botox etc at the ripe age of 40- but doing a full time job an childcare (aside from it not being in my nature) it's plenty just to be happy about deciding what colour I'd like to paint the living room and not waiting on opinion/thoughts from an oh.
So thank you for resurrecting this thread at a timely moment for me ! smile

Flowerpower41 Thu 26-Nov-15 06:34:27

Pleased to hear this thread is spurring a few of us along smile

UnlikelyPilgramage Wed 25-Nov-15 06:22:17

I chose to be a single parent.

I definitely don't want to meet anyone: when I went down this route I knew I was committing to my child and not a man. Money is hard, though.

isthismylifenow Wed 25-Nov-15 06:05:06

Wow, funny how this is a refreshed thread, I think just popped into my active today ....for a reason.

Currently seperating. Finding things tough. Was very close to the brink of calling it off, and just living through the dead marriage that we have as I just cannot bring myself to telling the dc, and devastating their whole world.

And I am scared of the loneliness.....

But reading this now, really gives me the hope that I am needing right now.

Thanks Flower.....wink

Flowerpower41 Wed 25-Nov-15 04:48:38

I know not all of these couples are happy. Apart from general fear of being on their own (and I am not sure why as after a couple of years you have more than got the hang of it) I really do not think many people can afford to live on their own these days and that is why there would appear to be less single parents around than the media would have us believe.

We really need to be happy with ourselves first and work on our own wellbeing and hopefully we are all in that place. I feel I am.

Mumanddadtoone Tue 24-Nov-15 07:52:31

I don't know any single women either, everyone I know is coupled up, some happily, some not so happily. Great idea to join a meet up group, unfortunately, I can't do that as I have my son full time and due to his autism he isn't good with new situations but I'm ok with that, I'm sure as he gets older I will have the opportunity to get out and meet people.

Flowerpower41 Tue 24-Nov-15 04:43:59

Great to get everyone's views I just wish I knew some independent single women I only know 3 really where I live in this location, two at the spiritual group I go to and one other who doesn't go out socialising as she is unwell.

I might have to join the meet up group locally here where I live by spring next year as I am desperate to meet some interesting single women and I know barely any they must be out there somewhere! So we can share our happiness together smile.

Mumanddadtoone Mon 23-Nov-15 18:51:29

So nice to hear I'm not the only one, split from sons dad 2 years ago after 20 years together and the first year alone was difficult, my son is 5 and is non verbal and has autism, his dad is not in the picture at all.
But, I am so content these days, my friends and family have commented about how calm and chilled out I am these days. I really do not want another relationship, love making my own decisions and just thinking about ds and myself. I do miss sex but as I can't get anyone to watch ds, even a casual dalliance is out of the question.
I see friends staying in relationships where they are obviously not happy and can't understand why they don't leave and be alone but they seem scared of the unknown (ie being alone). Wish everyone could see that being alone does not equal being unhappy, I'm the complete opposite!

somersetsoul Sat 14-Nov-15 17:01:36

And also, you have to be very careful who you let into your life and home with lo's.

A friend of mine is looking into sperm donation for her 2nd dc. Its surprising how hard it is to find sperm these days! If I didnt have 2 already I would defo do it smile

Savagebeauty Sat 14-Nov-15 17:00:46

I am happily divorced.
I love living alone.
I'm also in a LDR which works brilliantly. If things work out we'll be together in 2 years.
But at the moment I love waking up on my own

PrincessHairyMclary Sat 14-Nov-15 16:50:28

I love being single, I've been on my own since I was 22 (when DD was born) and I'm now 29. I had a small dalliance that lasted 2 years but was very casual only saw each other about twice a month.

My DM is constantly trying to set me up with people and doesn't quite get that I like being on my own. Admittedly I could do with a few friends as I don't really have anyone close to chat to but I've never really had a really close friend, I'm lazy at keeping up with it but would like someone to go to the pictures with but that's it. I live on my own, own my own home I'm doing alright and don't think I could live with anyone any way I'm far too independent and stubborn.

Only downside is that I would quite like another child and they tend to have to come with men attached!

somersetsoul Sat 14-Nov-15 16:41:48

Pretty much every female friend of mine moans like mad about their oh. I just say 'this is why I love being single' and go home all smug because I love my life! I have no one to moan about and that feels good ;)

Flowerpower41 Sat 14-Nov-15 09:54:19

The trouble is people who are married often think it is the most preferred lifestyle choice and simply don't get our preference and great love of independence.

Like I say they really don't know what they are missing!

somersetsoul Sat 14-Nov-15 09:38:16

I'm going to do that the next time someone asks me!!

Flowerpower41 Sat 14-Nov-15 05:09:29

When people ask why am I single I feel like asking 'Why are you married'.

I find it really annoying and intrusive!

somersetsoul Fri 13-Nov-15 21:44:22

I bloody love being single! When people ask why im single I respond 'because I choose to be'. They dont understand!

3 years I have been single, the first year was very hard but now I enjoy it. I have my girls for company and when they are in bed I get to relax and do what I want! My bills have halved! It would take someone amazing to change my mind!!

Flowerpower41 Fri 13-Nov-15 12:52:22

Yes casual sex offers sex but as to whether it is decent or not it does vary a great deal doesn't it!

Only need a man for sex plus DIY. For DIY I just book a handyman. For sex there are casual supply options online without emotional entanglements.

I am not emotionally shut down or bitter - which people wrongly assume I am - I just prefer independence!

I wouldn't mind a lover i.e. one day a month with a bit of romance thrown in but no expections on either side i.e. the guy wouldn't have to call me up or pursue me.

I hate all that waiting for them to call lark. Simply can't stand it these days. How I put up with it when I was younger I don't know!

I feel I am well off out of it and find it pretty sad that we are in the minority but I know I am happier alone. Others really do not know what they are missing!

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Fri 13-Nov-15 05:57:20

Yes. I love being single and it would take a very very special guy to change that. Even if I did meet someone amazing I can't see myself wanting to live with him for a really long time ever
The only thing I miss is sex. I have been dating but I think I'm looking in the wrong places as the sex I have had has been pretty rubbish. I would kill to find a good fuck buddy, but its slim pickings I find

MistletoeBUTNOwine Fri 13-Nov-15 05:52:35

Very strange (serendipitous?) that I came across this resurrected thread.
I'm about to split up from DP and it was just what I needed to read!
I have a 10 yo dd from previous relationship, 22 month ds, and currently 8/40 pregnant confused

Flowerpower41 Fri 13-Nov-15 05:06:10

Well clearly it is just me then lol.

Flowerpower41 Thu 12-Nov-15 04:02:17

Would it be ok to resurrect this interesting thread ladies?

I really much PREFER being single these days as I have got so used to it over the past 10 years. I have been on a few dates over the years but have never allowed it to run on too long as I just did not feel the va va voom.

Relationships are a lot of hard work and overcomprising if you ask me, and mainly on the part of the woman and not on the part of the man and I doubt anybody would disagree with me on this!

I am very happy with being on my own and find the small bit of spare time I have left as a working single parent is for me and for nobody else. I enjoy my spiritual group, playing piano and mixing with single women friends. I generally find single women more well rounded and more interesting as a person too.

I can never understand it these days when women call their man their 'other half'. It implies that we are half a person if we are single. I can honestly say I feel a whole person on my own and I am NOT lonely. There are too many interesting and satisfying things to be getting on and doing and lots of these don't even involve money e.g. reading/watching interesting films/catching up with friends online etc. All that is practically free.

For socialising there are plenty of meet up groups around these days. All you need is the money for social events and sitters, unless your child/chidlren are of the age where they can be left on their own. There are many interesting and stimulating events and people to be engaging with and there is a whole world out there beyond achieving a man by our side.

I used to be a serial wife before ds came along and his father was my fourth live in relationship. I can honestly say I was never happy once. It just doesn't suit me sharing with somebody 24/7.

Do let me know your views ladies......!

NoToast Sun 02-Mar-14 23:17:49

What a lovely thread, yes, I'm happy being alone. Tough with a toddler but the lack of daily negotiation over every single bloody thing is a relief. And that my money as the sole earner is my own and not being bled away. I was single for 6 years before ex-DP and single again after three years. I'm done now unless someone exactly right comes along.

LetZygonsbeZygons Fri 28-Feb-14 19:11:12

Mind you, as much as Id love to be with someone, you read other sites on mumsnet and all people are doing is complaining about their DHs or DPs!!!!!

maybe its better to be single!!

It's taken me 2.5 years and a rebound relationship with a terrible, aggressive, shitbag, but I'm totally there too.

Love my little house with me and my DS. Not contemplating a relationship or missing a 'man' round the house at all!!!

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