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Happy being single???

(51 Posts)
Ange1972 Tue 11-Feb-14 19:07:55

I'm 41 and have an 11 year d DS. 8 years ago ex had an affair, ran off and is still with the witch, sorry, tart, sorry.... Woman, he left me for. I lost everything as I work part time and was in no way able to afford out mortgage. Very traumatic time, found it worse than losing my dad, but slowly managed to get myself back on track. Moved back to the town I lived in, pre-ex, ie home! In 8 years I've had a few disastrous liaisons and one 'proper' relationship which, when I think back, makes me gip to think of as he was an alcoholic (tho I didn't know it at the time!!).

Anyway is these 8 long years I've yearned for different things, mainly money as very hard finanancially and just coming to the end of a very long IVA!!! But it has taken me the aforementioned 8 years to realise I'm blissfully happy bring ME! Would obviously love more money and that is usually the root of my stress and unhappiness. I finally, at my ripe old age (!!) feel happy in my skin and not willing to put up with bulls**t and second best. Feel confident even tho I could do with losing some weight, and comfortable on my own. I'm certainly not anti men and if the right one came along I would certainly embrace it. I have a job I love and although it's hard juggling my son with work (I have no family help) it's getting there.

Most of my married friends moan about their other halves and where once I would've been really envious I now smile smugly and think to myself how lucky I am not to put up with some of the stuff they moan about. At least when and if I get a fella if he doesn't add a positive impact on my life he can jog on!!!

With valentines day up onus, does anyone else feel the same??? Bed to myself, eat and watch what u want, wear what I want, son gets lots if positive attention and is growing up into a fine young man. Have a real laugh and challenges at work not missing social interaction.

Please tell me I'm not alone?? Haha smilesmile

vitaminC Tue 11-Feb-14 19:24:45

That was me for the first 5 years after I left my xh. I loved being on my own and had created a lovely little life fir my kids and myself.

I swore blind I would never live with someone ever again as I valued my independence too much, until one day the perfect man just fell into my lap grin

I'm now happily married and lucky to have found a man who respects my space and my independence. We're so completely compatible that he adds something positive to my life rather than taking anything away.

But I also know that if I ever find myself alone again I can cope. It's very refreshing being in a relationship where neither of us is too dependent on the other!

Ange1972 Tue 11-Feb-14 19:34:05

So nice to know you've found a man who makes you happy vitaminc. Maybe one day I will be in your position but until that time I won't be losing any sleep haha.

Ps, also hate it when 'friends' say "don't worry you'll meet someone"!!!! Really pees me off!!! Lol confused

Farrowandbawl Tue 11-Feb-14 21:36:54


I can't see me ever getting into another relationship again, I'm far too happy on my own with the kids.

I never thought I could be this happy. Never. Every evening I sit in the living room and smile to myself because it's so... so..right. I'm at peace with myself and everything around me...I'm more than content...I'm I don't know..

For me to give this up he would have to be a miracle.

vitaminC Tue 11-Feb-14 22:15:35

See, I think it's because I'd reached that level of contentment on my own, that I'm now in a healthy relationship, because I'm not relying on him to "make me" happy!

I'd actually known my dh for years as a friend and occasionally used to tell myself that for me to even consider a new relationship, I would have to find someone like him, but I didn't think that was likely to happen (and I didn't ever consider him as a candidate because he wasn't single) as none of the men I'd met so far came anywhere close!

When he phoned me to say he was separating from his long-term partner, I had a pang of jealousy at the idea he might meet someone else, and realised I'd better tell him how I was feeling because I might miss my chance...

He'd also reached a point where he realised the changes (relationship, career, home...) he needed to make, to find that contentment, and the fact that we're both so secure and content means there is no pressure on the relationship itself to provide security and self-worth, which is where so many relationships fail!

FlatCapAndAWhippet Wed 12-Feb-14 18:09:39

I've been single for almost five years. I'm 47, DD is 6.
I can't imagine that I would ever be in another relationship, we are blissfully happy as we are, it's lovely and the most content I've been for a long time.

warmleatherette Thu 13-Feb-14 02:34:18

I love threads like these. I often wonder about the terrible public image a single mum has. Perhaps it's because if the news got out that being with kids with no man can be so blissful, no woman would want to waste her time on one. And we couldn't have that, could we?

mustbetimefortea Sun 16-Feb-14 10:22:04

Exactly warm. I would never go back to being in a relationship. Life is far better single. I have noticed friend's husbands getting twitchy about girl's nights at my place because their wives can see the many advantages of being single grin

nkf Sun 16-Feb-14 10:27:03

I think it's society's most dangerous secret. Being single can be wonderful.

LetZygonsbeZygons Sun 16-Feb-14 18:57:00

I don't mind being a sp, many many advantages, but I don't like being single.

id love to be in a loving relationship and I get peed off when I hear my married friends moan about their OHs without a good word to say EVER about them.

all men cant be that bad. (and I came out of an abusive relationship myself).

but with me I believe in romance, old fashioned way...the Hollywood style IYKWIM. and it doesn't happen.

and Im no Julia Roberts either so.......

LizLemonaid Sun 16-Feb-14 19:05:05

I am content being single too! I have an equilibrium I enjoy.

I'm not certain if I would still quite like to meet somebody because it's perceived to be the happy ending and I want to tick that box and feel good about myself, or because it would genuinely enrich my life.

Not even sure I believe in romantic love. I think it's all lust. Because I'm a lovely person (!) good humoured, curious, sane, sorted, independent and friendly but nobody ever shows any interest in me. It's because personality doesn't count for much. So I can't really believe in 'love'.

LizLemonaid Sun 16-Feb-14 19:09:48

nfk you're right!

I sometimes think that married women (random ones, not friends necessarily although one springs to mind !) assume that single women must feel yearning, fear and loneliness because that's what they would feel if their marriage ended tomorrow morning.

Snugglesrock Sun 16-Feb-14 19:11:32

Walked around supermarket earlier to hear so many couples just being so vile to each other confused sad really

So I proceeded to buy what I needed a little of what I wanted
In control of cash
And no one going but are you really going to eat that like I'm a three year old wink

Only thing I hate is when lo goes off to exh boooooooo

LizLemonaid Sun 16-Feb-14 19:19:08

Yes, I love being able to save where I want to save, and splurge where I want to splurge. When I was with my x, there was no money left for anything I wanted but always enough money for the things he decided he wanted.

treelorex Mon 17-Feb-14 17:16:37

Love being single after coming out of an 18 year marriage the last few years of which were very unhappy.
I am bringing up my children in the way I think is best, I earn my own money and get to spend it how I want (like LizLemonaid there never seemed to any money left over for me but always enough for what my ex wanted).
Also after years of being told I was not good enough, that I was a psycho and a b*tch (often in front of my children) I now only have positive people around me and have re-built my self esteem.
I enjoy my freedom and my free time when the boys are at their dads - it is bliss to be on my own and do as I please.
I can't ever see myself ever wanting to be in a relationship - friends say I will change my mind once the children are older but I don't think I will :-)

Daisypops Mon 17-Feb-14 18:39:56

Yes. I love been single. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone to share things with but after 8 horrendous years with a cheating alcoholic who was emotionally and verbally abusive I really love my life now. My children are happy and confident and my life and home are peaceful.

nkf Mon 17-Feb-14 21:59:44

Having a bed to yourself. It's such bliss. If you can't sleep and want to read you do and nobody moans. And no snoring. It's just heaven.

LizLemonaid Tue 18-Feb-14 11:02:29

True. Everyday for five years i got into bed feeling sheer bliss that HE wasnt in it!!

nkf Tue 18-Feb-14 13:50:59

I know. And waking up and HE isn't in it. Of course, that's not the same as being single. That's the joy from leaving a bad relationship.

Sometimes though, I'm out and I see couples and hear them talking to each other and I remember how grim coupledom can be. The tension, the words between gritted teeth. All that stuff. The sad weary pairs with small babies, spooning food into mouths, bickering about who had more sleep.

The glaring at each other as prams are pushed round department stores. The passive aggressive statements.

I bet they feel sorry for me too. Sitting there with my novel, not saying a word.

Vickiyumyum Tue 18-Feb-14 13:58:18

ME!!! mind you only been single since Friday.

I divorced almost 4 years ago now, leaving me with 4 dc. I had to move into rented house as even if xh paid half or even 3/4 of the mortgage I couldn't have afforded the rest on my own. He still lives there. I lost a lot of mutual friends as my lifestyle no longer was the same, no dinners twice a weekend and once or twice in the week, no foreign holidays every school holiday etc, but it meant I knew who my real friends are.

I have had 2 relationships in the 4 years, this was the first to move in, but it just didn't work. I think I value my independence too much now nd whilst it was nice to have someone to share the day to day chores and have someone to talk to on a evening when the dc in bed. It came with too many compromises for me.

I swear this time im going to enjoy being single, enjoy the freedom. Our financial situation is a lot better now, I work full time, have a good maintenance from xh, he has the dc every other weekend and usually one night in the week too. He also pays for youngest dc daycare (September baby so will be 5 before she starts school) I have friends I can count on, not that many but enough and have some casual mum friends who we can go on days out with the dc or for a meal or a few drinks.

Effic Tue 18-Feb-14 15:11:12

I am so hopeful that I will feel like you do. Left 10 years of good but then 5 years of miserable suffocating boring marriage 6 months ago. Was on a high to start with but now find that as most of my friends are married and we've all known each other for years and I work in female dominated environment (where I am everyone's boss) the ability to make new friendships, let alone find a new relationship seems impossibly remote. Yes I like the independence and yes I can do it - but I am struggling to enjoy singledom! Hoping it gets better with time

LetZygonsbeZygons Tue 18-Feb-14 18:37:24

Right now Id give anything to have a nice tender guy give me a massage on my aching shoulders, and whisper sweet nothings in my ear before.........

yeah, thatll never happen sad.

giantpurplepeopleeater Tue 18-Feb-14 21:30:22

It's taken me 2.5 years and a rebound relationship with a terrible, aggressive, shitbag, but I'm totally there too.

Love my little house with me and my DS. Not contemplating a relationship or missing a 'man' round the house at all!!!

LetZygonsbeZygons Fri 28-Feb-14 19:11:12

Mind you, as much as Id love to be with someone, you read other sites on mumsnet and all people are doing is complaining about their DHs or DPs!!!!!

maybe its better to be single!!

NoToast Sun 02-Mar-14 23:17:49

What a lovely thread, yes, I'm happy being alone. Tough with a toddler but the lack of daily negotiation over every single bloody thing is a relief. And that my money as the sole earner is my own and not being bled away. I was single for 6 years before ex-DP and single again after three years. I'm done now unless someone exactly right comes along.

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