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Who did i fall pregnant for

(8 Posts)
sukue Tue 28-Jan-14 11:40:16

So people this guy got me pregnant and left me said all nasty staff about my child being my punishment etc so i went thru the whole 9 months of pregnancy alone and finally on e 1st this year God blessed me with an amazing pretty girl she is awesome. The guy who got me pregnant began calling me asking to see me and all for e sake of the baby i agreed and gave him my address but since then, its been excuses after excuses and finally he has gone silent again.

His first excuse was that he has a meeting and cant make it, his 2nd excuse was that it was raining out side and his third was that i stay too far from were he stays. Since then i noticed that he wasnt serious coz he would have made an effort to come and see his daughter by now but he has stopped calling again and ran away like he did when i was pregnant so my question is wont he come back again for the 3rd time and leave, this time he wont be hurting me but my daughter can i block him out of her life forever? if yes, how can i?coz if he keeps getting these chances he will keep on coming and walking away as he pleases and i do not want that kind of pain for my child already he has prooved she means nothing to him coz rain has had the power to stop him.

i dont want her to love a father who is not capable of loving, i dnt even know what prompted him to call the 1st time bu i need him to either come and love his daughter like a father should or he needs to leave her forever. can i tell her he died when she grows and tell her the truth wen she is much much older and a mother too?

GreenRedBlueYellowPurple Tue 28-Jan-14 12:24:03

Please cut contact with this guy. Is he on her birth cert?

sukue Tue 28-Jan-14 14:32:24

No he is not i think i should too

GreenRedBlueYellowPurple Tue 28-Jan-14 16:45:07

If he is not on the birth cert then firstly a huge well done for making this clever decision. Next, keep yourself and your daughter away from him using whatever means necessary. She does not need to know him. You can raise her yourself and in time perhaps find a new partner/ suitable co-parent. I envy you the simplicity of this. Enjoy and keep things simple the way they are.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 28-Jan-14 22:42:36

Of course you can tell her he's dead.

If you want her to hate you with a vengeance for the rest of her life when she finds out you lied(and she will) and if you want her to idolise him irrationally.

He sounds like a giant cock and like he does not deserve her but do not lie to her it will backfire on you

sukue Mon 10-Feb-14 09:44:17

thankyou guys i just needed confirmation from different people tht he is not worth it and i have i jus dont know wat to say to my daughter wen she asks about her father who never wanted her from birth and even after delivery never showed much interest

STIDW Mon 10-Feb-14 16:42:43

Your child is the important one here. Children who are insecure about their natural parentage and heritage tend to grow up with low self esteem leading to emotional and behavioural problems later in life such as dysfunctional relationships in adulthood.

Your daughter needs you to be honest about the existence of her father otherwise her trust in you may break down when she learns the truth. She also needs to grow up understanding her family life story and how she fits in even though the father's behaviour may leave much to be desired by most peoples' standards.

YOu can't make the father behave as you think he should, but you can do the best you can for your daughter by ensuring she understands the family background and doesn't grow up harbouring resentment against her dad.

FRambridge Tue 11-Feb-14 14:51:10

Hi sukue

Firstly congrats to you on your baby girl!

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

You CANNOT make excuses for an absent parent. If your child asks when she is older all you have to say is simply 'Adults have to make choices and your father chose to not be around. It is nothing you have done wrong for you were only a baby and couldn't have done anything wrong'.

I understand the situation you are in as one day I too will have to face it when my son asks about his dad. I can't give a reason for his fathers absence from his life other than the fact he made a choice to not be around. You SHOULDN'T have to make excuses for another human being though.

P.s. my son turned 1yo today. I haven't heard/seen my ex since my son was 4 weeks old as he stopped contact.

I didn't put him on birth cert because I wanted to know what role he would play in my sons life. I made the right call since he's not around anyway. One less thing to worry about I guess.

If ex was on birth cert he can have a say in medical decisions without actually 'being there' for my son. I didn't want that.

I am proof you can and will cope. I work four days a week 20 miles from where I live and have been a lone parent since DS was born. I have survived my baby's first year. Relief!!! smile

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