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5 weeks from giving birth, feeling bit anxious!

(9 Posts)
Eternity84 Mon 13-Jan-14 11:30:28

So I'm due in 5 weeks with my baby girl. Not heard from ex since Sep when he left, social services assessed him as a risk to kids, he didn't try explain, just flipped out. Told me he would be in touch in Feb to arrange seeing baby. My social worker closed case after we split. She just advised me to not allow him in the house to visit with baby and to tell him he needs to go down the legal route to see baby supervised. I know when I tell him he is going to completely blame me, accuse me of stopping him seeing her etc. So stressful, what should be a happy time is overshadowed by waiting for the crap to start. I have older children from previous relationship who are real excited and they keep me motivated. Just needed a moan to other adults that aren't in the situation. Some of my friends aren't very supportive but luckily I have a close family.

BlackeyedShepherdswatchsheep Wed 15-Jan-14 23:04:30

they were really helpful weren't they? [sarcastic] glad you have family to help.

Eternity84 Thu 16-Jan-14 08:48:46

Yea I'm relieved the case is closed and they off my back, I just don't need anything to happen after baby is here for them to want to get back involved. The ex is unpredictable and I totally understand the social workers advice. It just seems I have no option but to tell him I cant arrange contact and deal with the consequence. All my social worker says is if he turns up, call the police lol. Doesnt seem to understand that I feel like I living looking over my shoulder sad

Eternity84 Thu 23-Jan-14 09:59:08

Is there anywhere I can get some free legal advice without going to a solicitor. The ex had a solicitor write to me advising me I should inform him of the birth, allow him to register baby so he has PR and make arrangements for reasonable contact. Do I have to reply? Baby isn't born yet!!

bunchoffives Fri 24-Jan-14 01:36:04

No you don't have to reply. In fact if you ignore it might just turn out to be too much trouble for your ex when it comes to it.

You can go the Citizens Advice Bureau who can give some advice themselves or arrange for you to see a solicitor free.

As SS have told you he must not see your baby (btw have you got that in writing? If not ask the sw to put it in writing) you will probably get legal aid. But CAB is your first port of call.

Keep your phone with you just in case. But try not to worry and focus on your precious little baby's arrival. smile

Eternity84 Fri 24-Jan-14 02:17:02

The social worker just advised I don't invite him into house for contact and if I didn't feel safe to even meet him on mutual ground to advise him to do it through court where he will have to prove himself regarding his stability, drinking and commitment. But my case had already been closed at the time so was basically said off the record as just advice over the phone.
The last I heard was he was on bail for ABH, and criminal damage from sometime in Sep ish.

All I have in writing in the social services initial assessment which says hes has been assessed as a risk to kids. Although no disclosing why.

Surely that is enough for me to not agree to contact until he has proven otherwise. I can't imagine that I would be doing the right thing handing a baby over for contact when I have it in black and white he's a risk to children. Would never forgive myself if he hurt her.

bunchoffives Sat 25-Jan-14 00:23:55

I think that SS assessment would be enough Eternity. If you take it with you to CAB it will support what you tell them.

And I think you're absolutely right to not even consider giving any form of contact. If he insists on taking it to court (and I imagine any solicitor he has would tell him not to) then I'm sure the court would only allow very limited supervised contact at a contact centre and the effort will probably just prove too much for him after once a few times.

At the moment it's probably all about getting at you and acting the big daddy. The reality will probably just prove too much hassle.

Eternity84 Fri 07-Feb-14 01:07:29

I have a 20 min free appt with a legal advisor at my local childrens centre on the 21st but am due baby then so not sure if I will make it.

Not heard anything else from the ex yet. He hasn't threatened me or done anything to make me fear him yet here I am 1am with so much going through my head. I am so scared that once I've had baby I will be constantly looking over my shoulder. Don't want to feel isolated or unable to go out because of him. Feels like it's the calm before the storm and not sure if all in my head or a real concern sad maybe pregnancy hormones lol. Hopefully I will get some legal advice before baby gets here

queenofthepirates Fri 07-Feb-14 13:52:05

Best of luck sweetie, msaybe these guys could also help?

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